MORNING COMMUTE, DECEMBER 9, 6:38AM

Black

at the station

Rain

in a regular steady stream

Everyone

in layers, hats and hoods

The platform

shows like a vision out of the Dark Ages

congregations of 10th Century Monks

in their over-sized

cloaks and vestments

or battle weary soldiers

waiting to board landing craft.

Our train arrives

door chimes

form up

under the rain

and board

in silence

assigned to our congregations and battlefields.

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

Same starting point, different assignments, herding together in a unified monotony... Yep, sounds like a commute to me!

[rutherford]

Commute made me crazy. I don't do that commute anymore but I'm still crazy.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Sounds like a bunch of robots...set on program mode...with this one...they are all walks of life...and yet everyone has a job to do...and you did good with the scene...and the effectiveness is garnered through the scheme of things here...with the verse...

[rutherford]

Glen, very much the feeling I've had doing the commute. Thanks for reviewing.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You're welcome...thanks for the invite...

[Tam Warink]

Here is, I think, a valid and perhaps mostly accurate view from your mind. It's a good thing since I don't sense any overtones of the overlords directing the movie in your mind. But, clarify please, are you more of an auditory or visual person? Either way, this one gets points simply for being a reasonable translation of a human experience.

[rutherford]

Tam--I have to say visual but when it comes down to putting it on paper I want to play with sounds. If I can convey an experience directly, I feel that's satisfaction on some level that another understands. As always, you provide among the most thought provoking reviews.

[Tam Warink]

Thank you, Rutherford; sounds it is. Satisfaction... It is my opinion that writers have this need to emote and affect the world in a way that is similar to traveling a path running through the middle of a vigorous snowball fight. While it is possible to traverse the maelstrom unscathed it is not probable. I wonder if "as always" implies loose precision or a lack of data points? A rhetorical question; similar to bending light and large mass. You seem a thoughtful chap and that is almost always a worthy preoccupation.

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank God for the coffee, right? I like the automated nature of this; it speaks to a sense that everything isn't quite right. People are not automated and I hope for just one splash of colour and someone singing out loud.

[rutherford]

Pryde, good thought -- while I meant to convey a very dark scene--a splash of color might give it a nice twist at the end. Will be thinking about it.

[Pryde Foltz]

Oh, i didn't mean your poem needed a splash of colour. I meant the commute.

[rutherford]

Understand now--still a good inadvertent suggestion.