I Promise (complete)

A Story by Runo N. Savel

Let the raven fly where it can spread its wings.

There was a time when I thought that I really knew who my friends were; that I really knew about them at a personal level. I didn’t think they had much to hide. I mean, everybody has their secrets; parts of their lives that they tell no one no matter what the circumstance. But I never thought that any my friends would hide something so big from me. I mean, people seemed to trust me. I had really close friends who put a lot of faith in my trust. As much as I was appreciated and liked, my heart was still only mine though. I was okay with that, though. I figured that if my heart stayed with me, I was in control of it. That way, I could focus more on my goals of becoming something, rather than waste time on relationships. What I didn’t take into consideration was the fact that even when my heart is in my possession, I am not in control of it. It was after the moment I realized that, nothing would ever be the same again. I started senior year of high school with the same ambition and drive for success that I always had. I had elected almost all honors-level classes; I had a great social life; and I still somehow had time for theatre. I walked onto campus the first day and immediately ran into friends.

“Yo, Erik!” I heard.

“Hey, Corbin, how was your summer?” I said.

“Eh, boring as Hell. How was yours?”

“Alright, I guess. Can’t really complain. Got your schedule yet?”

“Yeah,” he said. He put down his backpack and reached inside for his schedule. I couldn’t help but notice how... I’m not sure how to say this. He looked... good. His dark hair, brown eyes... Wait, no, it’s nothing, I thought repeatedly.

“Nice,” I said, giving him my schedule as well.

“Ah damn. You’re still doing theatre, right?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Good, ‘cause that’s the only thing we’re gonna be doing together in school this year,” he said, laughing slightly.

“Ah, that sucks. Ah well. Theatre it is, then!” I said laughing. He laughed as well. He did look sort of disappointed, though.

“Well, I gotta get to class, man. See ya in theatre this afternoon,” he said.

“Yep, talk to ya later,” I said.

Corbin and I had been friends since freshman year. He sat next to me in math class. We became friends when we found out we were both in theatre, along with like four other classes. We both took German as our foreign language class, and spoke it endlessly to each other when we knew how to, or when we didn’t want people around us to know what we were saying. I’m not saying we said anything dirty or bad, but if one of us wanted to make a comment that we’d rather not be heard, like, “Yeah, good one, dumbass,” we’d say it in German so that said dumbass couldn’t understand us. Then they’d get confused and we’d start laughing. Being bilingual is fun.

As I was walking to class, I thought about what I felt when I saw Corbin. What’s going on? I wondered. It wasn’t the first time that I had those thoughts for him, but I had been able to get it out of my mind in the past. Why am I still thinking about it now? I wondered. I tried to think about something else until I got to class. Maybe my first class will distract me, I thought, at least until I saw what class it was: AP Calculus. Damn it, I thought. My mind’s gonna be wandering like crazy in there. How am I gonna stop thinking about Corbin in that class?

I walked into class and took a seat. A few others were there already, and I knew most of them from last year’s math class.

One saw me and ran over to me.

“Erik!” she said flamboyantly, nearly screaming.

“Kylie!” I said just as flamboyantly. We ran to each other and hugged.

“How was my favorite gay boy’s summer?” Oh, did I forget to leave that detail out? My bad...

“Oh my God, boring as Hell,” I said. My tone of voice changed when I talked to Kylie. I was a little bit more... feminine. Corbin knew and all, but talking to Kylie was different still. You know, it’s how you talk differently with your best friend than you do with just one of the guys or girls.

“Oh, that sucks, kid. Were there any, you know, chicos to make it a little interesting at least?” she asked.

I laughed and said, “No, still single. I told you, I’m not getting into that sort of s**t until everything’s all set with college and such. I gotta stay focused, ya know?”

“Oh, f**k that,” she said. “You and I both know you’ve been eyeing a certain someone since sophomore year. A certain someone whose name starts with a C? Ends with Orbin?”

“Not this s**t again,” I said. “Corbin is a friend. I’m his gay best friend, and I’m fine with that.”

“Rumor has it he’s into the garçons as well,” she said.

“Cool, we can go check out hot guys together... as friends,” I said.

“Oh my God, Erik, just f**k each other already!”

“Naw, I’m good.”

“What. Ever,” she said. “Anyway, who’s the teacher for this class?”

“Umm, Mr. Blaine,” I said checking my schedule. “Aye, Mr. Blaine. Is he any good?”

“Not sure. Is he a new teacher?”

“Maybe, I dunno. We’ll see, eh?”

“Yep. Gotta go back to my seat before he gets in, though. See ya later,” she said.

“Aye, see ya later,” I said. I began to think, Could Corbin really be gay too? If he is, why didn’t he tell me? We’ve been best friends for like three years and he hasn’t said anything? Does he not trust me or something? Or is he really straight and I’m just being led into believing something false? This whole guessing game is a pain in the a*s...

This chain of thoughts ended once the bell rang and the teacher walked into the room.

“Good morning, all. I’m Mr. Blaine, new here. So if any of you asked around to see if I was an a*s and no one knew, that’s why,” he said. We all laughed. Not too many teachers are that comfortable around their students, nor that informal. I’m not saying it was a bad thing; kinda refreshing, in fact. I began to think that perhaps I wouldn’t get distracted in this class, and might actually like what I’m being taught. Nice.

Class continued and I was able to keep my mind off of Corbin. The bell rang, and I went to my next class. I looked on my schedule: AP German Literature. Good, I’ll be able to pay attention in this class, I thought. I walked into the room, and saw Corbin sitting there. F**k! I thought. Corbin saw me and said “Oh yeah, and we have German together.”

With a fake laugh, I said, “Oh yeah, didn’t only like ten people sign up for this class? Why would they have two of them?”

He laughed for real and said, “Yeah, good job, hon.” Hon? I thought. He looked sort of surprised, too. Instead of calling him on it, I laughed. He said, “Yo, sit here,” pointing to the desk next to him.

“Alright,” I said. “How was your first class?” I asked.

“Eh, it’s AP Bio. How good could it possibly get?” he said.

“Yeah, that’s true. I thought you wanted to major in German or something. Why take Bio?”

“I have no clue, dude. It’s an AP class, so maybe I’ll get some scholarships or something.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” I said. “Good luck with that s**t. You’ll be able to school me in science then,” I said, laughing.

“Yeah, I can school you in science as it is,” he said and laughed.

“Dick,” I said laughing.

Dialogues like that where we were both laughing and playing a bit were the best memories. Now, I began to accept the fact that I might have some feelings for him, and the fact that they’ve been there for a couple years. Kylie was right. I’d have to tell her that later.

As German class went on, I caught a stare at Corbin every now and then. Once or twice, he caught me, smiled a little and went back to what he was doing. I determined that after class, I was gonna talk to him, set things straight, no pun intended. If he didn’t have feelings for me, I wanted to know. If he did have feelings for me, though, I wanted to make something of it. I mean, we had theatre together, which took the most of my time. We had class together, so there’s more time that we would be spending together anyway. We could even do homework together, so there’s more time together there. With him, I wouldn’t have to worry about devoting too much time to a relationship that I take it away from school.

When class was over, I went to Corbin and asked, “Can I talk to you for a second?” with a gentle voice.

He smiled, said, “Sure.” We both had the next two periods off, so we could leave campus as long as we got back in-time for our next class. I usually walked to a nearby café on Amherst Street, and Corbin usually stayed on campus and got lunch there. Today was gonna be different, though, apparently.

“Where do you wanna go?” I asked once we got off campus. Not two seconds after I asked the question did he wrap his arms around me and kiss me. I accepted his... request, so to speak, and kissed him back. We both smiled, laughed a bit, and brought our hands together.

He replied, “Somewhere nice.”

“Berkshire Café work?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said with a smile. “That sounds awesome.”

We walked to the café with our hands held. It was a nice day, so we chose to eat outside. After about ten minutes or so, Corbin asked, “How much time do we have left ‘til we have to be back?”

“We still have like an hour,” I replied.

“Good. There’s something I want to show you,” he said. His voice was rather seductive, but not in the good way.

“Oh? What could that be?” I asked, keeping the seductive voice in mind.

“You’ll see. Grab the food and let’s go.”

I went inside and got a bag. I put the food in the bag and we left. We went down the street, and I noticed things started tolook a bit more... sketchy.

“Where are we going, Corbin?” I asked, kind of scared.

“You’ll see. You’ll like it, I promise,” he said, reassuringly. I chose to believe him, and we kept going.

We turned into an alley about five minutes after we left the café. The alley was dark; the light was blocked by the

surrounding buildings. There was light close to the end of the alley, though the end of the alley was just another building. We went towards that light, and I saw more of the alley. There wasn’t much graffiti, but the graffiti that was there was artistic. It wasn’t like a lot of the graffiti I’ve seen where people for some reason think they’re giving themselves a better place in society by scribbling profanities all over the damn wall. I want to be just like them when I grow up.

We reached where the light was coming from: an open door leading into one of the buildings. The door led into an excessively illuminated room with a group of five or so people sitting in beanbag chairs having their own conversations with each other.

“Oh good, Raven is here,” said perhaps the oldest person in the room, though still only thirty perhaps, in a French accent.

“Raven?” I asked.

“Relax, Erik, this is Jérôme,” Corbin said laughing. “Jérôme, this is Erik. He’s one of my friends.”

“Bonjour, Erik,” he said laughing slightly.

I laughed, said, “Alright. How are you?”

“Pretty good.” He turned his attention to Corbin. “What brings you here?” he asked.

“Just wanted ya to meet Erik,” Corbin said.

“Well, it was very nice to meet you. Why don’t you take a minute or two and meet the others?” he asked in a warm voice.

“Sure, I think we have time,” I said.

“Très bien,” he said. He directed me towards another guy, about the same age as Corbin and I probably. “This is Harlan. He goes to the same school as you, I think.”

“Aye, I do,” said Harlan. “Have I met you before?”

“I don’t think so. Maybe. Do you do theatre?” I asked.

“No, no time. I’m too busy with music.”

“Oh, that’s cool too though. The next play we’re doing is A Streetcar Named Desire. Heard of it?”

“Yeah, I really like that play. This semester is really busy anyway in the music world. I probably wouldn’t have time for it even if I was interested in acting in it,” Harlan said with a slight laugh. “Jérôme, d’ya want me to show them around now so you can go back and get some rest? Big day tomorrow for you.”

“Oh, oui, that would be great. Merci!” he said.

“No problem. Let me show you around,” said Harlan. Jérôme went through another door. I looked through the door as he opened it, and I could see the room he went into wasn’t nearly as bright as the one we were in. It wasn’t just dark in comparison, it was just dark.

“What’s in the...” I started to say. Harlan and Corbin both reached to cover my mouth before I had a chance to finish the question.

“It’s just the rest of the apartment.” said Harlan in a quick voice. He could see that I was frightened by his response. “Don’t worry, Jérôme is just a very private person. He wouldn’t like it if he heard your question. He’d think you’re really nosy and yell and s**t. Not pleasant. Now we have to get going. We have a half hour to get back before our next class starts. Come on, let’s go,” he said hurriedly. The others got up as well, and we all headed back to school. I guess everyone in there went to the same school I went to. Odd that I’ve never seen them before.

For some reason, I couldn’t get that room out of my head. Why were they being so secretive about it? The whole way back to class, I wondered what could have been in that room. It didn’t seem like a full apartment. I didn’t see much from the quick glance I caught when Jérôme opened the door. All I saw was a small staircase leading up to an actual room illuminated only by a dim lamp on a table in the center of the room. The lamp only allowed me to see what was in its immediate vicinity. There was a bust on the table. I couldn’t really make out what it was until I thought of what Jérôme called Corbin: Raven. Why did he call Corbin “Raven”? I wondered. Why was there a bust of a raven in the middle of the table? Why is it so bad to know what that room really is? I couldn’t seem to go through that day without more questions popping up when a set were answered.

We arrived at school, with five minutes to spare before the next class started. Corbin turned to me and smiled. He gave me a kiss and then said, “I’ll see you in theatre this afternoon, alright?”

“Alright. See you then,” I said. We hugged and parted ways. He made no mention of me asking what that room was. That surprised me. I didn’t even get a, “Don’t worry,” or anything of that matter. I was starting to really wonder what went on there.

My other classes passed, and it was time for theatre. I just about ran from my last class to the auditorium so I could see Corbin. My concern for what went on in that room diminished slightly with the passing of classes. All I really cared about then was that I was going to see Corbin. I walked into the auditorium and didn’t see Corbin at first. I waited about ten minutes and still no sight of him. By then, Ms. Rabe had begun distributing audition material.

“As most of you know, the play we’ll be doing this semester is A Streetcar Named Desire. The cast list is less than extensive, so there aren’t many parts to fill. That being said, if you are really interested in a role in this production, it’s gonna be a competitive audition process. You can find a script of the play at most bookstores. I suggest you read the play before you audition to get a good feel of the characters. Auditions will be held three weeks from today. In the meantime, let’s do some fun stuff. Let’s improv!” she said.

I was too worried about Corbin to sit through any more of the meeting. I got the information I needed about auditions, and that was it. While improv is fun, I really needed to find out where Corbin was. “Ms. Rabe, I have to get going,” I said.

“Oh, before the improv? Ah well, have a good night, Erik,” she said.

“You too,” I said. I walked out of the auditorium and I saw Harlan sitting by the door.

“I bet you’re looking for Corbin,” he said.

His tone of voice made me scared and concerned. “Yeah... Do you know where he is? He didn’t show up to theatre...” I began to say before Harlan interrupted.

“Listen, kid. You don’t know what you’re getting into here. Leave Corbin alone.”

“Excuse me?” I asked. “Why should I leave him alone? If you didn’t notice, our hands were together when you saw us. So

why the hell would I leave him alone now?”

“Your hands being together is exactly why I’m telling you to leave him alone. You may think you know him and love him, but you really don’t. Be smart and leave him alone.”

“Why should I?” I asked. “Do you like him too or something?”

“Not anymore, no. Take it from someone who’s been there. You don’t want to go down the same road that I did,” he said. I looked confused, and he could tell. “Look, I know you’re confused as f**k right now. But you seem like you have ambitions and places to go in life. If you want to actually go somewhere in life, back the f**k away from Corbin.”

“What are you talking about? Corbin’s going places too. And what do you mean not anymore?”

Harlan looked worried and angry. “Remember when I told you that Jérôme likes his privacy? Well, this is part of it. Don’t ask questions. Just believe me.”

“I’m not leaving Corbin alone. Besides, how would just back away from him? We still have class and s**t together.”

Harlan could tell that I was stubborn and wasn’t going to just give Corbin up. “Come with me. I’ll tell you a story. But nobody can hear it. Everything I tell you cannot be told to anyone else, got it?”

“Fair enough...” I said.

“Good, now follow me. And stay quiet.” We both walked away, walking very quickly. Harlan’s pace was difficult to keep up with. He took me to a house a few blocks away from campus. When we reached the house, he took out a key and went inside.

“Whose house is this?” I asked.

“Mine,” he said. We went in and he closed the door. He took me up the stairs and into a room, presumably his. He shut the door and locked it. “Alright, now you can ask me anything.”

“Where is Corbin?” I asked.

“At his home. The place with the beanbag chairs is his home,” he said. “What else?”

“He lives there?” I asked.

“Aye. Jérôme is his father.” He saw that I was getting confused. “The others live there, too. They’re not Corbin’s brothers, though. Corbin brought them there. Their homes weren’t exactly the most nurturing when they came out. And, being a good boyfriend, he took them there to live with him. They didn’t know what they were getting into, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Corbin takes them there and Jérôme takes control. Do you really think that I do music and that the others actually go to your school? No. Corbin dragged us into things and we weren’t able to get out. They both put us to work doing whatever it is they need us to do. Most of the time it’s getting Jérôme something to shoot up. Other times it’s working the corners trying to get money so he can afford to buy things to shoot up. He owns a furniture store not too far from where their home is. But he only makes enough money to pay the rent and food for both the store and their home. And he owns the place, so he can stay at home from work on a heroine high and nobody thinks anything of it. Albeit they don’t know why he’s not there. If they knew, they would probably think less highly of him. People seem to like him, for some reason. All of us, those of us Corbin has taken in, hate him for what he does. It’s almost impossible to escape him once he’s got you in.”

“Why is it so difficult to escape?” I asked.

“Because, we wouldn’t have anywhere to go. We’d be homeless if it weren’t for Jérôme. We can try to escape and live life on our own on the streets, but he finds us and takes us back. If we try to fight back, we’ll never be heard of again. The last time someone tried to escape and fight back, Jérôme kept injecting him with the heroine until he died. He had him pinned down right in front of us so that we wouldn’t get any ideas.

“How did you escape then?” I asked.

“My parents actually got worried about me when I didn’t show up for a few weeks. They called the police and then Jérôme let me go only because he didn’t wanna get the police on his a*s. He still makes me go back, though. He still makes me make money for him.”

“Where do your parents think you are when you’re doing work for him?”

“They think I’m at work. They know I don’t go to school. I’m taking night classes to get my GED, though. Maybe once I get that I can get out of here and not have to worry about Jérôme and Corbin ever again. I suggest you do the same. Cut things off with Corbin.”

“If he only goes after guys whose parents don’t accept them, why is he going after me, then?”

“I have no idea. He hasn’t gotten a guy in almost six months, so he’s getting desperate. He’s done a damn good job hiding what he’s been doing though. He’s been talking about you for almost two years. Jérôme keeps asking him to bring you in. I think Corbin is finally doing it.”

“Why did he wait so long, then?”

“Because Jérôme threatened to kill him if he didn’t bring in someone new soon. With the economy as it is, the furniture store isn’t making as much business as it used to, which means that he has less money for drugs because he has to spend it on the store. But you know addicts, they value drugs more than anything else. He needed a new source of income.”

“Damn,” was all I could bring myself to say.

“I know. Jérôme said he won’t make you stay for a little bit though. He wants you to be a bit more comfortable first.”

“Can I go one more time, then? I’ll just say that I need to give Corbin the information for theatre auditions,” I said.

“Yeah, sure, one more time can’t hurt, I suppose. But after that, you’re never going back there again, got it?” said Harlan.

“Yeah, I got it,” I said. I was so disappointed. How could someone that has been my friend for so long do such a thing? I knew he was a good actor from theatre, but he was a damn good actor for keeping everything hidden for such a long time. Being a good actor, it seems, is the only thing about him that I was right about.

Harlan and I walked to Corbin’s home. The whole walk back was rather quiet, with neither of us saying anything really. Sometimes Harlan would say, “Keeping up okay?” because we were walking very quickly. I would reply, “Yeah, I’m fine,” and we’d keep going just as fast as before. It took us probably a half hour to get to the home. We turned into the alley, but I didn’t see the same light I saw before. The door was still open, though.

“Something’s wrong,” Harlan said.

“What is it?” I asked.

“If the door is open, there’s usually a light on really bright. The only time it’s not is when Jérôme is locked up in his room shooting up while the others are out making money for him. But that usually doesn’t happen until a few hours from now. Something isn’t right with his picture. Stay close to me, got it?”

“Got it,” I said, obviously scared. I think Harlan was scared, too. We walked up to the door quietly. Harlan poked his head in quickly to try to see if there was anyone in there. He gulped and said, “I think I found Corbin,” he said, shocked and almost in tears.

“What’s wrong? What’s Corbin doing?”

“Nothing. He’s not doing anything. I don’t want you to see this,” he said with a tear going down his cheek.

I started to cry with him. “What’s going on?” I tried to see, but Harlan kept pushing me back.

“You don’t want to see it, you really don’t.”

“Yes I do, let me see,” I said. Harlan stopped holding me back, and I looked into the room. There laid Corbin, surrounded by syringes. He wasn’t moving, and it didn’t seem like he was breathing. “Corbin?” I said. “Corbin, please, no please, Corbin?” I asked and ran to him. By then I could feel that he wasn’t breathing and that his heart was no longer beating. I wept over his body for a good minute or two. Harlan came in and joined me.

“You know, as much as I grew to hate him, I did love him once. I suppose that feeling never goes away, does it?” he said as he cried with me.

“I guess not,” I said. A moment or so later, I noticed the raven from the table in the other room situated on a beanbag chair adjacent to Corbin. There was a note with the raven, addressed to me. I picked it up and began to read it.

Dear Erik,

I’m sorry. I assume that when I didn’t show up to theatre, you became worried and talked to someone. I also suspect that Harlan was the one you would talk to. He wanted you to know everything; he just didn’t want you to get hurt. I told him where you would be and for him to wait for you there. I wanted you to know everything too, which is why I let him go. I wanted you to know everything so that you would understand why I did this. I really cared about you, Erik. I didn’t want you to become another one of Jérôme’s slaves for drugs and money. But I had no choice when he came to me and threatened to kill me if I didn’t bring in someone new soon. I panicked, and you were the first one there. I really did love you, Erik. All this time, I wanted to tell you how much I loved you, but I knew that if I did, Jérôme would find out and take you in with the others. You were different from them, Erik. I didn’t want to see that happen to you. I also asked Harlan to take you back here once he told you everything. I wanted you to be the first one to see this note, and to make sure that Jérôme didn’t see it. I wanted to make sure you didn’t end up another of his slaves. This was the only way I could make sure of that. With me dead, Jérôme has no reason to keep hassling me about you, and he has no guards to keep the others from leaving. I’ve already told all the others to go, and to never come back. Jérôme will never take someone else again on my watch. With me dead, maybe he’ll move on to better things. All I know is that you’re safe from his grasp now. So please, know that I love you and I’ll meet you in whatever afterlife I end up in. I promise.

I couldn’t stop crying after I finished reading the note. Harlan cried as well, and we both left the home. I couldn’t get something out of my head. You were different from them, Erik. I didn’t want to see that happen to you. It’s a weird thing to know that it was because of you that someone ended their life so that you didn’t make the same mistakes they made others make.

I asked Harlan, “How do you think the others are gonna hold up on their own?”

“Dunno. Jérôme will probably try to find them.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” I said. I picked up the note, and put it in my pocket. I cried for a minute or so longer, than Harlan told me to go. I walked away and headed home.

I never was the same after that. I never did forget about Corbin, and how warm he made me feel even when we weren’t officially together. You were different from them, Erik. I didn’t want to see that happen to you. That line repeated itself in my head for years. I never did hear from Harlan again. I don’t really know what happened to him. Perhaps he got his GED and made something of himself. I hope he did. As for me, I went through my senior year and got accepted into college. College went by and my heart still wasn’t fixed; Corbin was still there in my heart and mind. I went on for a few years as a waiter and an actor when I could get a job. A few years later, I saw an audition pamphlet for a play, A Streetcar Named Desire. As I sit here now with this audition pamphlet, my pen writes this note. After seeing this pamphlet, I realized that I cannot keep Corbin in my mind. Something has to fill the void he left.

Corbin said he would meet me in whatever afterlife he would end up in. I promise, he said. I have come to realize that is the only way the void can be filled. So, with that being said, I’m coming for you Corbin. I will see you in no time. I promise.

~Lassen Sie fliegen der Rabe nach dem Zweig wo kann der Rabe seinen Flügel öffnen.~