The loud intensity of the crash rang through his mind as he knelt there, eyes squeezed shut trying to block out the overpowering sound. Too much! The horrible agony of it crept through him, dreadfully slow as if to lengthen the torture. Tears leaked out from closed lids, and he found himself thinking of Melaluna Strife. Then a spasm jolted through his body.
Bentell Antagyll knelt motionless in the centre of the room arms clinging onto his chest in pain; The book still was at the same page, blots of night spreading across the yellowed parchment. The fountain pen lay on the ground, its tip stained crimson with his blood. Suddenly, movement. The dusty mahogany door creaked open as a familiar figure came running in, eyes wide, mouth opening to form his name.
“Ben!” She shouted, with apparent surprise and horror at finding him here in this dusty mansion and writhing in pain too. Her bag dropped to the floor as she let go of it; the art books, still in their pristine condition, dropping to the floor as she did so. All forgotten in the sudden realization of the boy who was suffering in front of her eyes. The disbelief showed in her hesitation to approach the boy; was he really there, or was her mind imagining him? Did she like him that much? This was her place; her secret garden where she kept her…inner self. How did he find out? But he was there, in front of her. She could tell this was real. The beads of sweat dripping down his forehead and those tears that ran down the length of his sculptured cheeks…
“Are you all right?” She bent down to examine him, wondering what could have caused this person so much pain. “Ben?” A questioning tone now. He seemed trance-like in front of her; clearly in so much pain, but unable to even scream. Unsure of what to do, she gripped his hand, breaking the grip.
The muscles were all tensed and hard, she could almost feel his pain; his suffering. Whether it was the fact that someone was there, or the fact it that her hand was holding on to his with such care and concern, his eyes opened. The pain crippling his features seemed to lessen immediately. He opened his eyes, the two hazel irises staring into Melaluna Stifle’s own sapphire ones.
Bentell Antagyll blinked. Was this a dream?
“Hey.” His voice was pleasant, warm, showing no evidence of the earlier pain. He dragged himself off the ground, pulling the crouching Melaluna up with him, feeling the smoothness of…His gaze traveled to his hand now, wrapped tightly around hers.
“Umm…” No one knew who spoke, but the sound was rather appropriate, for at that moment, both of them were blushing. Melaluna’s cheeks were painted the shade of a blooming rose and she looked embarrassed, if not nervous, at his touch.
“It was you who put your hand into mine, wasn’t it?” He teased softly, staring with utmost innocence at her. You’re pushing your luck!
“Well…” She stammered, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. He was so close, so close to her. Never this close before. Unable to break his stare, she just held on to his hand, feeling the talented fingers that played the violin so well. For her? She squeezed his, feeling a strange bubble of happiness creeping into her as she did so. What is he thinking? Does he feel like how I do?
Bentell was unsure of how to react. What to do? He’d never been in this sort of situation before…”So, what made you put your hands into mine?” A smile crept across his face. “Too irresistible?” Crap, crap. Pushed my luck too much…
She blushed even more, before rebutting, “But you were in pain! Then suddenly you’re…not?” Her voice had a defensive edge as she carried on with her sudden epiphany, “You were faking, weren’t you! You knew that…” Her voice died off as he shushed her with a simple gesture.
But it wasn’t just the gesture alone. Something in the atmosphere of this place had changed, and both of them had noticed it. Bentell’s face was now stoic and a wary edge now infected Melaluna’s expression. They glanced around, cautious.
She turned to him, her voice dying down into a whisper “This place gives me the creeps sometimes. I feel like-” He spoke the exact moment as she did. “-someone’s watching me.” She glared suspiciously at him, wondering if he was trying to humor her or if he really felt that way. But his expression was unreadable and she resigned herself to wondering.
“Melaluna…what are you doing in this place? Its so old and dusty…” Bentell spoke, eyes circling around the place before resting on her. S**t, oh s**t. Why now? Why does it have to be her?
“I should be asking you that. This is…my secret garden? You know the book written by-” He did, and cut her off with a nod. Unshaken by his slight interruption, she proceeded to speak, “I..I come here when I’m down, sad or have…nothing to do. No one ever comes here anyway, and my mum probably thinks I’m at the mall or something. Its my own personal place…at least before you found this place.” Don’t think I’m weird, please don’t…
Features hesitant, Bentell paused, wondering if he’d offended her by coming to this place. But they were friends right? So…He decided to voice his opinions. Honesty is always best…especially if you want to win someone’s heart, he added on to the policy. “But…this place’s so old and…well I’m not afraid or anything but it seems so ancient and…creepy.” He stammered out, trying to stick to his “policy”. Be honest! Please don’t let this make her pissed…please don’t…
“I don’t think its safe for you to…by yourself…I mean if anything happened to you I would…” His voice died off. Be crushed? Cry? Scream in anger? Oh no, crap. He’d let out too much. He didn’t want her to know that he liked…Making a quick recovery, he changed the topic back to the original one, “Its not normal for a girl your age..” Oh-my-god-I-just-told-her-I…
She didn’t sense the implication of his words and blatantly pushed on, “Well, I’m a weird girl, so there. No one asked you to come here!” She now wondered if she’d gone too far. She knew that he was ultimately concerned about her safety…did that mean he liked her? Why must he think I’m weird? Why must he be here…and on today when I…Oh this is not good.
No, no such chances…Bentell cringed, before abruptly switching his expression to something wooden. That hurt, it most definitely did. He wanted to scream out “I LIKE YOU FOR GOD’S SAKE” But he couldn’t bring himself to do so. She didn’t like him, he could clearly see that. Damn she hates me already…
Suddenly, thunder roared, bringing their attention to the blurred window. Both peering out, they saw dark clouds eat up the sun, as lightning divided the sky into bits. Rain started to fall, droplets cool and wet on the grass.
Melaluna was focusing on how to get back home now; some rational portion of her mind suddenly springing into action. She was still angry; if not slightly irritated at Ben. He was behaving strangely, and she wondered if it had anything to do with that trance and pain earlier. How to get back? She hadn’t thought of bringing an umbrella with her and the mansion was on the outskirts of the city.
A whole 7 kilometer walk in the sun with the birds chirping and all was nothing, but in the rain? She looked at the clouds, irritated, as she thought of herself, soaking wet walking home in this weather. God, it would be horrible. She could picture her new shoes getting utterly destroyed by the mud. Already the previous joyous events of the day were fading out from the mental picture in her head. S**t-s**t-s**t-you-make-it-so-damn-hard-for-me-to-think-about-anything-other-than-you
Bentell Antagyll was also staring out of the window into the rain, though he was more concerned with a more invaluable subject. Melaluna Strife. She stood in front of him, clearly agitated, and he was more pressed on the matter of calming her. The intro had already gone wrong today and it looked as if he had made it worse in their sudden meeting here. Suddenly a thought hit him. What had he been doing moments before she found him? His memory was blurred and he couldn’t remember. But there was the pain, so excruciating…
She turned to face him, as she tossed her hair back, irritated. Her auburn strands were messy as she spoke, her tone clipped and joyless. “Do you have an umbrella?”
Her question caught him off guard as he stammered, “Y…yes…I mean no…no wait, it’s a yes. For a no, I mean.” She glared at him, clearly pissed off.
“So is it a yes or a no?” That piercing gaze again. Bentell averted it, desperately trying to gather his thoughts. Way to go, Casanova, he muttered under his breath. Damn I just blew it big time. She’ll never talk to me again…I’m probably some sissy in her eyes…Can’t even talk to girls properly.
“Nope, sorry.” His bag was in his school locker and it had only just occurred to him that his homework was still inside. Damn. Melaluna now seemed just plain crushed, as she sat on the floor, her legs held close to her chest, a frown on her face. Now what did I do? Bentell, pull yourself together…
“Hey, what’s the matter?” He approached, unsure of what to do. Reaching out tentatively, he placed his arm around her shoulder, trying to comfort her. She first seemed to push him off, but then decided against it, neither snuggling beside him nor pushing him away. That was a good sign, wasn’t it? He and her. He sighed. Their first intimate moment, in such a gloomy atmosphere. let-it-be-okay-let-her-be-alright
He tugged at her, trying to get her to respond to his questions. “What’s bugging you?” He tried again.
“The problem is that I’m stuck here without an umbrella in this pouring rain that’s pissing me off, and that my mum thinks I’m in a shopping mall and expects me to be home by dinner!” She turned to look out of the window before carrying on, “And the rain looks like its not going to stop. Oh, and I’m stuck here with an umbrella-less idiot!” Exasperation clouded her features. Oh I called him idiot. My first love and I’m pushing him away!
The words stung more this time, as his face fell. His arm gradually left her shoulder, before he closed his eyes, trying to escape the gloom. This is not happening! His mind screamed defiantly. She hated him, that was really bad. Fantastic, in fact. He got to his feet, feeling tears welling up in his eyes.
Why was he so vulnerable around her? He couldn’t get it, and his first impression of her popped up again, making him grit his teeth in frustration. How to make friends with someone who didn’t want to be friends?
Forget it, he told himself. She’s not meant for you. This is just a crush, nothing more. He pulled out his phone, typing a quick sms to his mum. I’m heading back now. Will be back for dinner.
He couldn’t bring himself to look at Melaluna. “I’m leaving now. See you in school tomorrow…” He spoke, careful to keep his voice steady. There was no reply and he turned to the door, turning the handle. She’s probably forgotten I even exist by now…
Suddenly, she was there, speaking to him. Her voice was near crying, and it made him hurt to see her like that. “Don’t go…I’ll be stuck here all by myself. I don’t want to be alone all the time. I didn’t…I didn’t mean what I said. I was mad. I do that a lot. I’m sorry.” She choked out, the words coming out in one sudden torrent. Don’t leave me here, please don’t leave me here…
He carried on his walk, still hesitant to turn back. Was he dreaming? Make himself look stupider, turn back to find nothing?
She pressed on, desperate. “Please don’t leave. I need you.” Something clicked in his mind, and he paused, his foot a centimetre away from the door. I love you, don’t go…
He flushed, one part of his mind telling him to forget her. To turn. To leave. To give her the cold shoulder and turn his back on her. But then another part of him shone. The truth. To lie to himself and say he didn’t like her? To lie again, and forget they ever met? To lie, to deceive? He couldn’t bring himself to do so. Already not telling her was bad enough. Telling himself that he didn’t like her? Pure blasphemy of the worse kind. He turned around, trying to hide his emotions behind a mask like he had done so many times. Okay, here I go again…
He wasn’t at all prepared for what she did next. She sprang into his arms, crying into him. Awkward, yet strangely pleased, he hugged her as she cried onto his shoulder. He whipped out his handphone, typing out another sms as the girl now sitting beside him closed her eyes while leaning against his shoulder. Something unexpected cropped up. So I might miss dinner after all. Sorry.
He now surveyed the room that laid abandoned by the world. Her secret garden? He stole a glance at the silent form beside him, admiring her peaceful demure now. Taking it in, trying to conclude this afternoon. Her secret garden? He corrected himself. Our secret garden. And ever so gently, he placed his hand on her forehead, stroking that silky hair of hers, studying the pretty delicate thing before him. Perfect. Flawless. I love you, Melaluna, I really do…
He liked her, that was a certain fact. But she didn’t know it. He badly wanted to let her know. But it might spoil all this…he was…he was content with this. To be with her was enough. Nothing more. This was all he deserved. But somewhere inside, a glimmer of hope lingered. If only she could see past the mask that hid his feelings.
If only.
And while Bentell Antagyll sat awake, Melaluna Strife dreamt. Dreaming of the day’s events. Dreaming of the sun shining, the sky clear. Dreaming of him, wishing with all her heart he could look past any defects that he found her. Willing him to see that she loved him, and hoping that he felt the same way for her. Hoping against hope. But he probably didn’t. No, this was enough. Content to be next to him, beside him. If only he could see past all the lies and deceptions. Thank you, Bentell. Thank you…
If only.
Outside, the sky started to clear, and a ray of sunlight shone through the darkness. It widened and soon grew into a patch. The storm was over. The sun was out again…
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