[untitled]

I look up to the broken sky, "I can fix that", I say aloud.
But I put it off, I have to plan first, prepare.
And I wait too long, so eventually, the pieces start to fall.
I look up to  your gorgeous eyes... they are brimming with tears.
"I can fix that", I say to you, my dearest friend.
But I put it off, I must plan first... then I'll act.
Again I wait too long. And the next time I see you,
you will be an empty shell, dead from neglect.
I look up to a fading rainbow... my last sign of hope.
"I can fix that", the words echo in my head.
I have lost all confidence.
Before to long I find myself chasing it's trailing edge,
Until it dissapears over the horizon.

Author's Note

i feel like it needs more closure, maybe a better ending... maybe you can help?

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

wow you surely know how to write,and how lovely and dreamy..
i look up the skies ,looks broken likely to fall..
and i wonder and say i will fix that ,and i think and take a while
till it starts to fall to pieces..
i look at you ,i see tears in your eyes,and again i promise
i will fix that,yet i lag ,i put a plan to act
but it takes me long again till one day
i see you wither and fading from my arms
i see the rainbow,my sign of hope
and again i say i will fix that
but my confidence lost,good for nothing i am
and all i end up with is chasing its trail
till its gone over the horizen..
how lovely dear ,what a nice write write ,how you move my thoughts
how tender your feelings,how smooth those words you tell
its typically like humans running after some fading hopes
and they end with nothing..
lovely write..

[Salvatore Buttaci]

I mentioned in my note to you the need to proofread. Notice, for example, your line
Before to (too) long I find myself chasing it's (its) trailing edge,
Until it dissapears (disappeares) over the horizon.

In parentheses I have made the corrections you as a poet must make before you post or send out a poem for consideration.

[Salvatore Buttaci]

I mentioned in my note to you the need to proofread. Notice, for example, your line
Before to (too) long I find myself chasing it's (its) trailing edge,
Until it dissapears (disappeares) over the horizon.

In parentheses I have made the corrections you as a poet must make before you post or send out a poem for consideration.

[Jo]

Overall, I really like it, but you're right about needing more closure. Maybe she finds there's something in herself that she needs to fix? And this time she does fix it. That's all I can think of. Anyway, great write!