Lunch

You’re digging in your garden and find a fist-sized nugget of gold.

Imagine a house. Your house. The backyard to be exact. You’re digging to plant your trees and flowers to make the most beautiful scenery you can. You hit a hard piece of metal. Probably just a pipe, you think. You inspect it further and notice a gleam. You continue to dig and dig until it’s in plain sight and you realize what it is. A piece of gold the size of your fist!

__________________________________________________________________

“Liam!” My sister, Cornelia, calls me, “Come inside! I finished making lunch.” I try to trudge to the door, but I just can’t seem to move. I’m still staring at what could be my future, a piece of gold. A piece of gold the size of your fist. My mind tells me to pick it up, but I can’t. I analyze it at least 5 more times before Cornelia calls me again.

“Liam!! I finished making lunch at least 6 minutes ago! Come eat your half before I do!” I don’t move.

5 more times.

“Liam! I’m really done with you right now.” I hear her footsteps as she walks towards me.

“Liam, what the heck? Have you been stan-.” She abruptly stops talking when she sees what I’ve been starting at for at least the past 15 minutes.

“Is that.. Is that what I think that is?” I nod my head because I can’t do anything else. She squeals and jumps up and down.

“Do you know what this means for us? We’re gonna be rich!” I’m too busy staring to even reply to her statements. Us? We? What do you mean? I found the gold. Find your own. I finally snap out of my gold daze. I pick up the shovel I dropped when I first spotted the shine. I continue to dig until it’s all the way out and I pick it up to inspect it. I look up to Cornelia and see she’s drooling a little. As I start to walk away, she pulls my arm back.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Cashing this in.”

“Ok, I’ll drive us there.”

“Why do you have to go?”

“I’m obviously going to make sure I get my half because I found it too.”

“You didn’t find it, I did, and you’re not getting any money.” I turn to walk away but she grabs me and pins me down.

“Liam, you don’t realize what this could do for me.”

“No Cornelia, you don’t realize what this could do for me.” I flip over so she’s pinned on the floor now and I spit in her face. As I try to get up and break into a run, I feel a hand wrap around my ankle. The hand that held the piece of gold crushes under my weight as I fall. I won’t give up. I’ll win this fight. The kitchen is just beyond the back door, so I run towards it, kicking dirt into Cornelia’s face on the way up. When I reach the kitchen, I look around and my mind directs me to where the knives are located. I grab the biggest one I see and run back outside, gold and knife in both hands. Cornelia is still on the floor, trying to pry herself off the ground and wiping mucus away from her eyes. My hand goes into the perfect stance for stabbing. The knife digs into Cornelia’s skull and her eyes widen to the point where I saw the whites around her irides. I continued to stab and stab until she slowly stopped breathing. I stood up, covered in her blood, and stare her down, replaying in my mind what just happened. My grip on the knife, which was now covered in blood, dropped to the floor as I unclenched my hand.

Author's Note

tell me your honest opinion on anything

Reviews

[matrixmark]

The price of gold. This was short, sharp and straight to the point. What would have been great to have added was a tussle between the 2 friends and the look of desperation and fear on their faces as they fought for their lives. I just feel it would add so much to the story. But nonetheless it was a bullet speed read and that was down to your good grammar skills and for playing with the words in such a way that it only drives the reader on to find out 'what comes next'.

Good piece, good grammar. Moral of the story - Greed is bad.

Thanks for sharing.

Mark.

[ruth]

Yeah. This was supposed to be a short story, but I agree it could have had more to it. This was the one story I showed everyone for errors that I could have fixed. Thanks for the review!

[matrixmark]

No errors, you've just missed a trick by not showing the reader expressions on faces, anger inside and how the person felt when their friend died. Just little pointers which will add to the bigger picture.

Mark.

[Hbrook]

Greed is a very terriable thing. This story represents that perfectly. I didn't notice any error either. Good job

[Nic Willey]

Quite the price to pay. At first I thought that they were little kids, and then teenagers. But still a hefty price to pay.

[Zoya]

Greed destroys everything. It seemed kinda like a thriller. I enjoyed reading it. Good job!

[Lucy Marrone]

Took an unexpected turn, I really like it!!

[APOORVA]

honestly, leaving a few lines i loved every bit of it.
good attempt en thrilled me all over