Drowning In Saltwater

Gazing out to the ocean,

the horizon, waiting...

A lady in pastel colours, everyday

a different colour

The rain sneaks up behind...

brushing her hair lightly, the wind...

tugging, determine.

“Come, play with us” they say.

 

“Go away! Don’t bother me!”...

enraged they push and pull at her,

like a grain of sand she was pushed over, over

the edge of the cliff where she was waiting,

and into the arms of where her lover drown.

Her head smash on rocks on the way down...

The merciless wave crash her over and over again, like

a broken toy she is finally washed away.

 

~Never to be heard of again~

 

Reviews

[Sea Dreams ~marina~]

Oh so sad. Very visual! The way you write, I never have any problem picturing the scene. One little thing, I think you changed tenses (eg, past to present etc) throughout the poem. Perhaps that's how you wanted it.
"into the arms of where her lover drown" is that supposed to be "drowned"?
"Her head smash on rocks". Perhaps "smashed"? Or perhaps, "drowns" and "smashes" to keep things in the present. Not sure, what do you think?
- M

[Bernice]

I loved this, so dark.
I love your use of the ocean and the cliffs, and the way you show how mysterious the sea is

[Ashly Christen]

oooh lala
this was lovely
sad
pulled at my heart kinda
nice job
♥

[Fades]

not so sure of the theme, but it is beautifully crafted.

I think the girl was in love with the world but finally killed herself in the end, its a sad story you have written.

Thanks for sharing.