Someday

Someday, you will open your eyes and you will see me standing right in front of you.

The day your eyes open, two new stars will be born. Maybe then you’ll see me

Till then, I will be waiting right here…

Hoping, waiting and praying with a smile on my face

Having no right to hold something so dear

You see…angels like you, are not meant to love demons nor mortals like me

Spread your wings and free yourself from these chains that binds you

Fly away; and if I see a rainbow in the sky I’ll know that you are thinking of me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please do not cry, I am happy for you, truly…

 

 

 

I will dance in the rain so you can see my joy and celebration

and never my tears, ever…

            Forever and a day

 

 

Reviews

[ShadowWolf]

Loving one who is unaware of your feelings......yes. Very nice!

[Sea Dreams ~marina~]

I'm not really sure what to write in review. Except I loved this, and I'm honestly feeling the emotion like some luxurious blanket around me. *deep sigh*.
To say "this is good" is too much of an understatement. I will leave you with that.
- M

[NCPanthersgurl]

The flow is really good in this poem as well as the overall message. Great job!

[Vatsayayana]

This is truly beautiful.
I've remembered a time or two when I've stood in front of someone. Smiling. Waiting. My arms at my side, but just give me a nod, let me know its ok and they'd be up and wrapped around you so tightly. Just let me know! Until then I wait!
Beautifully penned. I love the warmth in your words. The sadness. It's a potent combination.
I do believe the next time I spy a rainbow it will bring a smile to my lips and a lightness to my step.
Exquisite.
Brava!

[Nolene Bedi]

the piece flows nicely...good job.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

oh!! Such a deep piece and came right away from your heart.
I loved the way you've described the entire visualization in the piece.
The reference of stars, rainbow and rain is really tremendous.

"You see�angels like you, are not meant to love demons nor mortals like me"-I simply loved this line a lot.
You've given him an over-privilege ( which is not at all wrong) and thus by considering yourself just as a mortal, you've uplifted the level of your Love and of the entire feel of yours for him.

The space gap after the ending of first part is even saying a lot.As if you want to say so much but unable to gather the perfect words to describe this feel ..this complex feel of hoping, waiting and praying.
"If speech is silver,then silence is gold."And thus you created a silence which itself said some thousand words..


"I will dance in the rain so you can see my joy and celebration
and never my tears, ever�
Forever and a day"--Even I can't give any of my piece a better ending than this.

This is really an awesome write.
Thanks a lot for sharing it here :)

Keep writing

-Bhavya kaushik

[MarieCo214]

That's so sweet. It's not my style, but I liked it. The words are sensible and I can imagine a girl speaking. A boy would be less sentimental. Ha ha, that's a funny thought. I particularly liked the lines, "Spread your wings and free yourself from these chains that binds you Fly away; and if I see a rainbow in the sky I'll know that you are thinking of me". They seem a little extended, but I still like them the best.
This is a poem right? The lines and words should flow more smoothly. Your message comes across very well, but the sound is awkward. It resembles a thought pattern, which is an aspect i fancy very well. Just, as I've said, it doesn't sound so natural. Tighten up a couple lines and read it out with the thought in mind. Some sentences will sound a little dragged, either that or some grammatical errors ruin them. This is a way that little things can actually change so much about a piece. You did well, but it needs work.