Shooting Blanks

you’ve gone AWOL

recalcitrant soldier

leaving me at the mercy of enemy lines

that threaten to ambush me

and make me their POW

I’d much rather be writing the battle plan myself

so that you could instead have your

purple heart

and your honorary discharge

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

Ouch! Sure looks like you smote someone. Twenty years as a sailor may be sullying my interpretation of this, so if I've got it all wrong, I apologize.

[rubie]

On the contrary. I think those years of experience have enabled you to nail it perfectly!
Thank you for the review.

[shallimarRose]

Another great use of metaphor.. Rose

[rubie]

Thank you for your review and kind words.

[Sami Khalil]

All I can say is that you deserve a reward of sorts ( compliment ) for this write...Thank you for sharing...:)

[rubie]

Wow....

What a wonderful compliment, Sami!

Thank you so much! :)

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...Any time...:)

[Fabian G. Franklin]

There's plenty of walking wounded that never recover; both in war and love. But I've heard it said that all things are fair in either. And it does no good to argue with philosophy no matter what statistics one has at hand. (smile) I enjoyed the read.

[rubie]

I've heard the same, Fabian. And it's more true than not, I think. Thanks for the kind words. Glad you enjoyed my work.

[KAOlmsted]

I'm a sucker for anything military, so this really resonated with me ;-) And then, of course, re-reading it, I dove a little deeper and found a lot of meaning in those depths. The narrator's "soldier" having little regard for authority says so much, and yet the confession that follows, that the writer is not in charge, makes me wonder who, in fact, has gone AWOL...I'm left wondering this further as I'm led to believe had the writer been in charge the soldier would have found himself kicked to the proverbial curb, thus granting him the purple heart and the honorary discharge.

I really like this piece.

As a nitpicky aside (there's always one *laugh* we've only just become acquainted, thanks to your friend, and mine, jacob...you'll get used to me, I promise) ;-) I couldn't help notice you're a retired English teacher. As such, and please forgive me if I'm wrong, don't you think the line "I’d much rather be writing the battle plan myself" might sound stronger as "I'd much rather write the battle plan myself"...eliminating "be" and the passive "ing"? Meh, just a thought ;-) It doesn't take much away from the write, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I look forward to reading much more of your work in future!

-kimmer

[rubie]

Thank you so much for your in-depth review and interpretation of this piece. You're so right...there's so much going on in this piece and it's so gratifying that someone took the time to delve so deeply into it.

As for your observation about the technicality of the elimination of "to be" and passive tense...yes, you are absolutely correct. And no offense taken at all. It would be stronger, absolutely, but for some reason, I like the flow of the extra syllable in there....don't know why. I'm not a perfectionist, so I'm fine with it as is, especially since it does not affect the meaning of the piece. Your comments are much appreciated.....

~rubie

[KAOlmsted]

O.O Not a perfectionist?? Are there such people?? *laugh*

I'm technically a novelist; I bump my head sometimes and go all Editor on poetry when I least expect it ;-) I forget it's totally subjective, and, well, it's Mother's Day so...I may or may not have had a gin cocktail with my breakfast in bed xD

Anyway. My pleasure. I'm a fan.

[rubie]

Sounds good to me.....

I've always maintained that there's a novel inside me somewhere. If it ever does emerge, I'll call upon you to edit it!! :)

[KAOlmsted]

Ha! Thanks ;-) I'd be honored...you, on the other hand, would be thoroughly annoyed xD

[rubie]

Not so sure about that....lol

[Rita L. Sev]

Life is so much a battle at times, and we rely on our fellow soldiers, often only to be abandoned. "I’d much rather be writing the battle plan myself..." If only we could... Great write!

[quinfinn]

i get two separate yet strangely similar trains of thought from this write. sure , it can easily be about abandonment and betrayal...that follows... and i also (having had the operation) read something else into this....shooting blanks....infertile. even worse, impotency. either way you slice it.. or choose to adopt both lines of reasoning to keep it interesting, this is a provocative and resonant piece of prose.

[rubie]

Thank you so much for such insightful comments. I have always been a firm believer that every reader brings something unique to a piece as he or she reads it, depending on the background experience of that reader. That's why there is no "right" or "wrong" way to see a poem. It means something different to each reader. But I will tell you that both meanings crossed my mind as I wrote this. Thanks for your comments and your visit to my page. Both are much appreciated.

[quinfinn]

i like your writes so far. i shall return. and you are very welcome

[rubie]

Likewise. I love your style as well. And I shall likewise return to yours.

[Pete Langley]

It`s scary being left - by accident or design - but fear is, though a natural reaction, a negative one. It takes some getting used to, but we use what recources we have to live with it while we regroup - and slowly, surely, we don`t notice it so much.

Thanks for sharing this, Rubie. P.

[rubie]

Thanks so much for the read, Pete. Yes, the rejection and fear we feel do often serve to strengthen us, though it may not feel that way at first....

[LA Lorena]

Interesting concept. We don't always have the luxury of being the General and writing the battle plan ourselves. It's difficult to be just thrown in to the wolves unprepared, but you learn to trust and just go with your survival instincts. Disconcerting yes, but it will make you a much tougher adversary in the long run.

[rubie]

Absolutely. It is only in the heat of battle that we learn survival skills. Thanks for the read and the wonderful comment! :)

[Frieda P]

Wow, you could read this so many different ways, and knowing you're a joisey gal, I think I know where you're going with this one. Clever.....

[rubie]

Thanks so much for the read, Frieda! Appreciate the comment!!

[Frieda P]

My pleasure rubie.