A Candid Release

Youngsters letter to an old buddy FATHOM

A Candid Release

©2019 Sachi Ruaya �" Writing Prompts

Dear Sir Fathom

 

No one would ever suspect how much I hate school,

I despise it!

I’d rather slowly scrape my skin off with a knife fuelled with burning alcohol

Well maybe not… but kinda…

Yeah learning new things such as summarising a short story you’ve read 1000 times is useful

“Oh, just say the whole story again!”

You see sire, most of us gonna start to work, so tell me,

What’s the difference between a CV and a portfolio again?

Maybe I’m just as bored as you are…

Only if I could find an alternative;

Maybe I’d have those glistening eyes I once had,

I miss those days…

 

Nop! Please don’t misunderstand sire.

There is work I’m passionate about…

But is it forced passion?

My soul has left the shell,

Away from the soil I once derived in…

I wanna continue writing stories…

(well of those that aren’t forced out. It makes my eyes roll behind!)

But as I sit in front of higher authority…

It feels like a wrecking ball has been manufactured around my skull;

 …ready to demolish the table,

As I flatter into a land of dreams

 

I legit would have been doing better without attending!

As the teacher cut your ideas into a box and ironically asks,

“THINK OUTDSIDE THE BOX!”

The f**k is with that?

We were already thinking outside of the box were we?

But it ain’t the teachers fault, right?

They’re just doing their job!

Maybe it’s the government,

The small section of elites or you

That fears the populace to think critically,

To think of them goddamn selves!

I found, Sire Fathom, that;

They don’t want to loose control!

The human awareness holds too much potential.

They don’t want us to disobey…well…maybe

Ah! My old buddy. I just cringe at how much they want you to be a certain way

(Pfft… typical humans)

Sit a certain way

Look a certain way

Live a certain way

It’s another factory; the yearn adults terrified of being a “low-caste”

So scared they conform into black and white suits with leather boots

Faces blank. All lined up at the station;

Eyes balled onto sustained light from a thin strip of metal

No words or thoughts between them

Just boxes

Little boxes filled with the sticky dew they’ve always been scared of

I laugh hysterically at the sight!

So hysterically that shivers would tickle down my spine

Oh! How brittle those boxes are!

But we imagined it as a complex labyrinth

Dark and violent, gosh that beautiful way of limiting ourselves!

 

And those whom live in monochrome suits and leather boots

(annnd maybe a touch of dull clothes)

You’ve made your billion, much enough to sustain you till your grave!

I see…

With eyes of an unfolding box

That human greed is all to do with the fear of death

unlike our little boxes, we’re aware of existence

The more shallow knowledge we’re gain, they more we become terrified

But what can we do?

It’s human condition!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Honestly also written within a time limit but edited.
Just the reflections and preaches of a young student here! HAHA!
I hope you enjoy this piece. ~~Feedback pls k thx~~

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right Sachi.
"The more shallow knowledge we’re gain, they more we become terrified
But what can we do?"
Education is a two-edge sword. Make us wiser and sometimes afraid. I enjoyed your honest thoughts and thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Throwing Romeo]

Refreshing emotive flow...

Powering through when
the light bulb of inspiration
burns out...
Lady muse of performance
cannot flow in the river of
adrenaline.

She too responds to the
fight, flight or freeze.

She lives to be kissed
by serotonin on the stream
of acquisition under the spell
of dopamine.

She is there....

R.

[emmajoygreen]

You really are a far-reaching and powerful writer. Is that the You or the Writers or would you prefer not to say? You seem to have brief mood swints which are pretty challenging here and there, but, there again, it makes for the drama of a poem and trying to draw a reader deeper and deeper into a scripted world.. your world and outlook.

'They don’t want us to disobey…well…maybe// They don’t want us to disobey…well…maybe// Ah! My old buddy. I just cringe at how much they want you to be a certain way// (Pfft… typical humans)// Sit a certain way// Look a certain way// Live a certain way// Ah! My old buddy. I just cringe at how much they want you to be a certain way// (Pfft… typical humans)// Sit a certain way// Look a certain way//
Live a certain way' The above quote could well be the core of your writing.

Exciting thought.. a way to explore - thank you for sharing!

[RacialRainbow]

It was very well formatted and written, there were some places I was unsure of the meaning, but that could just be a generation thing. Keep up the great work !

[Nolo Segundo]

Well, for 15 not a bad prose-poem. You're intelligent and a 'rebel', which means you're also a seeker-- and that is good. Too many people just sink into mediocrity, starting in their teens-- and most will never change till the day they die. You have a way with words,e.g, 'those whom [should be 'who'] live in monochrome suits...' and some good insights. You know you don't have your act together, and that's o.k. because you already realize that nobody has their act together--something I didn't realize till my 20's.

Like you, I hated high school but loved college-- because there I had the freedom of an adult without the responsibility-- happy days! And Aganyi is right: you need to proofread; also, you should learn the rules before you break them for effect. The best book to give your writing more power is a brief tome called 'THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE' by Strunk and White. That single book, which I got while in high school, did more than anything to make me a better writer [well, after compendious reading of course.]

[Agyani]

Hey
Well, there's quite a few spelling errors here, and you will probably see them when you read this again because as you said, you wrote it in a rush with limited time. Maybe you could just correct some spellings but keep the language structure as it is? I don't mean any disrespect, but if you wanted this to be a letter written by a young student (I guess someone fresh into the world of teenage angst and hormonal rampaging), the rambling complexity of the words could be left untouched. I don't know, just something that popped in my head. Thought I'd share, coz I don't think you'd get upset over it, Sachi (can I call you Sachi?) :D

But I must mention that the language makes it a bit difficult to see the meaning of the words. Maybe I'm just not used to it anymore, or maybe it IS a bit too confused and confusing, but I think some work into the wording would make it better and give it the appearance you have in mind. :)

Oh, and, would have been nice to know a bit more about Sir Fathom. The name got my attention!

[Sachi Ruaya]

Hello Agyani!
Thank you for your feedback!
The spelling errors are indeed something I missed out haha. Thank you for pointing it out.

This letter IS written by a young student (i.e. me lol). I guess the main audience for this poem are for people my age (teens around 15) so I understand why you will find it weird to read.

I get a lot of opinions on the language and my author's voice but I do agree there is a lot of room for improvement for word choice, as I actually really struggle with it!

Again, thank you for your feedback and happy writing ;)

Sachiko