"Her Glacier" [REUPLOAD]

A poem based on Vatnajökull Glacier Cave, Iceland.

“Her Glacier” 

 

Laying down on the shattered glass

I breathe in the shards

Letting the seeping blood drip

 

DRIP...DROP…

 

The ripples resonate and echo,

On the disheartened, crying ice

Eyes… dropping… crystals

Covered my saddened heart

Who, I scream a silent, dry scream,

as if I am in space, underwater

 

To my weeping eyes, “I am sorry for the wasted tears.”

I whisper to the silence, with my vivid vision

The vivid vision blurred by the saltwater tears

Can only see the back of the person I loved

FADE…into the mist of tears

 

The ice that weeps with me, from my ripped feet,

Shatters as I am taken to the abyss…

The very abyss of my own heart

 

I, slowly taken down, down…as I struggle against,

Against the deathly, cold water

As the rose thorns grasp my feet…they take me

To pitch-dark black,

Further…deeper…deeper

To the prison I made myself

 

Here at the ocean floor,

The place that is made out of my own tears

I wait…where the ashes remain

As I hope the pressure of the seven seas

Of my own heart, turns me into diamonds

The other part of me, who lives much above me

Where the snow punches your ragged skin,

In the heart of the land of fire and ice,

Awaits, in the concave of a glacier…

 

Aimlessly around the blue glass tsunami,

Breathing in the untainted, crisp cool air

Eyes floating aimlessly

Eyes twinkling endlessly

 

This slow walking giant, taking centuries for each step

Covers the land with its azure ice like a blanket

Treading on the works of any weathering

Glitters with streaks of endless blue…

 

 

O’ the beauty of the blue streaks!

Each a different shade,

Describes the indescribable

His exquisite beauty,

 

Walls as waves and ripples

Of water that has been frozen in time

Forms those very streaks!

Sapphire, Tiffany, Sky, Zaffre, Royal, Navy, Azure and Midnight blue

In bliss…all dancing merrily in this very cave

…an ultimate Eternal Dance

 

She, white light, origin of the viva Earth

Smiles through His crystal

Giving colour and light to His life

Givin’ His form…the Blue Crystal Tsunami.

 

Romance, like lovers, waltzing

even if one of them…will not make it ‘till the end

even if one of them…is slowly killing the other

She, who gives beauty to the giant

I, who lives way below them,

cannot compete…

 

A warm-blooded creature of the land…

It, who decides to wander inside…

runs Its hands on the mosaic of blue

To It, the ice seems to glide

As the twinkling light of the crystal cave winks…

Picturing the two together…

 

Below the glacier " inside the very cave- lays a beach

Crystal…His…Tears

O’ the beach of his tears…when he weeps with me

Slowly melting away

 

Either way,

His blue is much apart from mine,

Sleeplessly, I lay down on the shattered glass

Endlessly, breathing in the stabbing shards

As I accept my fate…way below Him

 

“Him.” “Blue Glass Tsunami” = Vatnajökull glacier cave, Iceland

“The Land of Fire and Ice” = Iceland. Iceland is known to have volcanoes next to glaciers.

“White light, Origin of the viva Earth” “She” = Sun

“Beach of his tears” = A ‘beach’ located in the cave itself. The sand is made out of ‘crystal’.

“A warm-blooded creature of the land” = A person. Human

“Pictures them together” = Takes a picture of the cave with a camera

“Even if one of them…is slowly killing the other” = The sun is melting the ice

“I” = A landform that sunk to the bottom of the sea, just below the cave. (i.e. ‘the third wheel’)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         “…and here I wait. For her glacier. Who I knew will never come”

 

                         

   

Reviews

[C.J. Holmes]

Normally I'm all about the sensory imagery and using a wide vocabulary, and I know that poetry tends to be much more elaborate than prose, but I feel like the emotions and symbolism you are trying to convey are being lost behind all the extra words you're squeezing in. A lot of the words you've chosen come across as either redundant or misplaced, and that gets a little distracting for your reader(s). As you keep working on this piece, consider whether some of your word choices could be pared back, simplified, or eliminated all together. That will help emphasize the meanings you are trying to express.
Also take some time to consider the purpose of your punctuation. I know that ellipses seem like a nice, dramatic way to emphasize specific phrases and images, but overusing them in this way makes the reader feel like they're constantly trying to catch their breath. Which, hey, could be the very point! Just a thought I had.

[Sachi Ruaya]

Hmm...you caught me there.

Thanks for pointing that out! I tend to be so into writing with my emotion I don't see what I'm actually doing haha.

Looks like I really need to edit this thing!

[Coyote Poetry]

Outstanding poetry my friend. I enjoyed the complete poem. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[JayG]

You have the advantage. You have the visual of the scene. You know who it is, where they are, and what’s going on. So for you it resonates. But take pity on the poor reader:

• Laying down on the shattered glass

“The” shattered glass. What broken glass? How can it be “the” to a reader who has not a clue of what’s going on? Who’s lying there, and why? Without that it’s meaningless to anyone but you.

Sure, when you read the words point to images and memories stored in your mind. But for the reader? The words point to images and memories stored in YOUR mind. And since you’re not there to explain…

• I breathe in the shards

Glass shards are heavy for their size. So this person’s mouth cannot be more then an inch from them, and s/he must be inhaling heavily and deliberately. And that says you’re having things happen for dramatic effect, not as a condition of the situation. Problem is, that quickly becomes obvious to a reader. And, of course, there’s the problem that only you know the scene, and it’s still in your head.

• DRIP...DROP…

Seriously? Drip drop? Sound effects in a poem? You tell the reader there’s dripping blood (but not how much, why, or from where) then illustrate something that can’t normally be heard (the person is lying down) with large bolded type?

Look at the situation you’ve defined. Someone unknown is lying on broken glass, their mouth close to it. And in that position they cannot see any dripping blood. Yet the one lying there is narrating. So again, you’re saying things for drama at the expense of realism. But the drama MUST come from the situation, not over-the top-purple prose.

You’re thinking in terms of how you would perform this, live, but the reader can neither see the scene (because you’ve not provided it) nor your performance. So they have only what the words suggest to them, and you are so far over the top that without context it cannot evoke the emotional response you’re hoping for.

I would suggest you turn down the volume, and focus on evoking an empathetic response in the reader by making THEM experience the events, as against you talking about them in a voice, and tone, only you can hear.

Sorry my news wasn’t better.

[The Purple Witch]

(applauds) BRAVISIMO!!!!!! :D Absolutely spectacular visionary. I felt like I was actually there.

[Indigomoon]

I do like this however you stories tend to have a different flow to them.

[Sachi Ruaya]

Is that a bad thing or a good thing? Re: different flow

[Indigomoon]

Good I like diversity in a writer.