The Raven, a Co-Write with Sheila Kline

The Bird...has but a little way / To flutterand the Bird is on the Wing--Rubaiyat

Photo Author: Bombtime. The photograph may be found at

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Female_adult_raven.jpg

Licensed under GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2.

 

 

Dear Reader,

 

     This poem is a joint effort of Sheila Kline and Rick Puetter and is co-posted on each of our WritesCafe sites:

 

          http://www.writerscafe.org/writers/wvhillbilly47/

          http://www.writerscafe.org/writers/rpuetter/. 

 

     It was inspired by, and is meant to pay homage to, William Blake’s poem “The Tyger”. We hope you enjoy the poem.

 

                                   Sheila and Rick

 

 

 

 

The Raven

 

RAVEN, raven, Hand of Night

Lost in Shadow, hid’ from sight.

Mask, you, secrets there from Man

Contemplating evil plan?

 

Each new morn where e'er you fly

Cawing scream sets peace awry

Hound you now for mortal soul?

For who next will church bell toll?

 

When the hunted feels thy pain

Dirges, sad, ' not sung in vain!

Whether sent to Heav’n or Fire

Thy embrace ‘ no man’s desire!

 

And what scripture and what book

Could bear fair witness to thy look?

Thy deathly gaze God's love belies

And with last croaks you cause us ' die!

 

Galaxies will cease to turn

Ere for Man's soul you cease to yearn

Tell, did Dark One with His Hate

Spawn you in His tryst with Fate?

 

Raven, raven, Bird of Blight

Wrapped in blackest cloak of night

Would you thy Creator bite

And shun salvation in thy spite?

 

 

 

©2009 Sheila Kline and Richard Puetter, each and individually

All rights reserved

 

 

Author: Waugsberg. The photograph may be found at:

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tumulo_de_D._Pedro_I_57a.jpg

Licensed under GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2.

Author's Note

I want to thank Sheila Kline for the impetus for this poem. Knowing her love for large cats, I suggested she read William Blake's "The Tyger". This was a hit with her, and before I knew it she was writing a poem in tribute to Blake's work. So we started working on this piece together. Thanks, Sheila!

Now to the question of Manyantlers, yes, my friend, there is a constellation called the raven (or the crow) it is Corvus, a small constellation in the southern sky, that includes 11 stars visible to the naked eye. The Greek mythology is that once the crow had white feathers and the ability to speak, Apollo punished the raven for reporting that Apollo's pregnant lover had fallen out of love with him and was in love with another. In his anger Apollo changed the raven's feathers to black and removed his ability to speak.

A few comments on Lilmikee's Review:

Thank you for your review and kind words.

We have few comments on the points you raise. First on the line "Mask, you, secrets there from Man", yes, the question of punctuation in poetry is always thorny. One battles between leaving the punctuation out entirely, putting some of it in, and putting it all in. We have taken a middle ground. The commas around the word "you" are required for correct punctuation. However it is common practice to read lines such as this in poetry without the pauses. Our alternative, of course, is to leave the punctuation out entirely and then there is no issue with pauses. However then the punctation is incorrect, but this is normally ignored in poetry, especially if you leave all punctuation out. So as pointed out before, the correct punctuation is put in, but the line is meant to be read without pauses. We are taking a "middle-ground" position.

Next on the line "Whether sent to Heav'n or Fire", you correctly point out that we deliberately dropped a letter to preserve the meter, and we certainly did. You say, however, that "I feel it comes out even more awkward as the reader has to consciously drop the second syllable". Yes, this is true, but that is common practice, especially with pieces of Blake's era. Perhaps you are familiar with poetry from this period and you have already mentioned that you had not read Blake before. Indeed, the use of "Heav'n" might be considered another nod in honor of Blake since he used this quite a bit himself as in his poem "An Imitation of Spenser"--see the abstracted segment form this poem below.

An Imitation of Spenser -- Wlliam Blake

"...And thou, Mercurius, that with wingd brow
Dost mount aloft into the yielding sky,
And thro' Heav'n's halls thy airy flight dost throw,"

So you can see the dropping of leters and strong contraction (as in thro') are quite common in pieces of this era. And we have followed this style throughout. There is another example in our poem in the second line: "Lost in Shadow, hid from sight", where we strongly contract "hidden" as hid'.

Thank you for reviewing "The Raven" and caring enough to provide detailed comments.

Reviews

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i left these comments on sheila's posting of this poem. as co-writer i thought you should get the same message..

i'm always afraid when someone uses another poem as a form. it usually comes off as a poor parody. this is an exception. Tyger Tyger is one of my favorite poems so i'm glad you did it justice. the reverence for your raven is just as strong as blake's reverence for the tyger. you also managed to, while using archaic language and style at times, stay easily understandable. something that blake did not always accomplish for me. very nicely done.

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

This was a darling write, and the vibration of it was very pure. The Tyger and Raven now stand side by side, in happy countenance. You are very talented.

[Clockwork]

This is probably one of the most natural collaborations I have every read. Your words mesh together in a perfect patchwork which pays an excellent honor to Blake. I thought it was masterful how both of you followed Blake's rhythmic patterns and rhyme scheme. I though the elisions you used were well placed, and as you say it preserves the style of the age.

My favorite lines are "And what scripture and what book/Could bear fair witness to thy look?" These lines remind me of the forgotten lore mentioned in the raven, and they bring a fresh take to the creation of the Tyger.

[Helen Crutchett]

Wonderfully penned Sheila & Rick. Thank you for entering in my collab contest!

[THE LOST ROSE]

Wow tow poerful poets collab on a poem. "The Dream Team" I enjoyed the write as well as the flow. After reading the notes the poem really sunk in the second time I read it. What power to spill on a page as you two have done. Congrats and you two should hook up again.

[C. Porter]

This is great!! I love the traditional format and sound..the rhythm is amazing. I've always been interested in ravens, which is why I clicked this particular poem.
Great job on an excellent poem!!

[JC]

A wonderful collaboration.... I have nothing but praise.


JC

[Legion]

Well, that was wonderfully done. Kudos on the story and the form to both of you. I have often given thought to the idea that maybe ravens (and/or crows) are the angels that were cast out with Lucifer and in their fall were burnt and blackened to become what we see today. Would make a great mythos type of story. Sorry I haven't been on much of late. Been busy. Keep up the good work.

[Greg Close]

You never disappoint! I happen to be a fan of Ravens and Crows, and a big fan of Blake-ish poetry, so it's an easy sell for me. I would love to see some poetry on the "alternative" Raven myth, like that of some native american belief systems, wherein the Raven is a totem of great power, and sometimes even Creation (i.e. Grandfather Raven). But, I digress! I especially enjoyed the line: "Thy deathly gaze God's love belies" - it has such a wonderful rhythm and creepy resonance. I kept lingering there, rolling the words on my tongue, just enjoying the poetry of it.

[Belator Books]

I was struck by the resemblance to Blake's 'Tiger tiger burning bright, in the forests of the night'

There is far too little of the that type of lyrical creativity on today's 'natural' poetic commentary. You get a higher pedestal for using awry, belies and tryst correctly. An enjoyable read. Cheers.