The Raven, a Co-Write with Sheila Kline

The Bird...has but a little way / To flutterand the Bird is on the Wing--Rubaiyat

Photo Author: Bombtime. The photograph may be found at

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Female_adult_raven.jpg

Licensed under GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2.

 

 

Dear Reader,

 

     This poem is a joint effort of Sheila Kline and Rick Puetter and is co-posted on each of our WritesCafe sites:

 

          http://www.writerscafe.org/writers/wvhillbilly47/

          http://www.writerscafe.org/writers/rpuetter/. 

 

     It was inspired by, and is meant to pay homage to, William Blake’s poem “The Tyger”. We hope you enjoy the poem.

 

                                   Sheila and Rick

 

 

 

 

The Raven

 

RAVEN, raven, Hand of Night

Lost in Shadow, hid’ from sight.

Mask, you, secrets there from Man

Contemplating evil plan?

 

Each new morn where e'er you fly

Cawing scream sets peace awry

Hound you now for mortal soul?

For who next will church bell toll?

 

When the hunted feels thy pain

Dirges, sad, ' not sung in vain!

Whether sent to Heav’n or Fire

Thy embrace ‘ no man’s desire!

 

And what scripture and what book

Could bear fair witness to thy look?

Thy deathly gaze God's love belies

And with last croaks you cause us ' die!

 

Galaxies will cease to turn

Ere for Man's soul you cease to yearn

Tell, did Dark One with His Hate

Spawn you in His tryst with Fate?

 

Raven, raven, Bird of Blight

Wrapped in blackest cloak of night

Would you thy Creator bite

And shun salvation in thy spite?

 

 

 

©2009 Sheila Kline and Richard Puetter, each and individually

All rights reserved

 

 

Author: Waugsberg. The photograph may be found at:

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tumulo_de_D._Pedro_I_57a.jpg

Licensed under GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2.

Author's Note

I want to thank Sheila Kline for the impetus for this poem. Knowing her love for large cats, I suggested she read William Blake's "The Tyger". This was a hit with her, and before I knew it she was writing a poem in tribute to Blake's work. So we started working on this piece together. Thanks, Sheila!

Now to the question of Manyantlers, yes, my friend, there is a constellation called the raven (or the crow) it is Corvus, a small constellation in the southern sky, that includes 11 stars visible to the naked eye. The Greek mythology is that once the crow had white feathers and the ability to speak, Apollo punished the raven for reporting that Apollo's pregnant lover had fallen out of love with him and was in love with another. In his anger Apollo changed the raven's feathers to black and removed his ability to speak.

A few comments on Lilmikee's Review:

Thank you for your review and kind words.

We have few comments on the points you raise. First on the line "Mask, you, secrets there from Man", yes, the question of punctuation in poetry is always thorny. One battles between leaving the punctuation out entirely, putting some of it in, and putting it all in. We have taken a middle ground. The commas around the word "you" are required for correct punctuation. However it is common practice to read lines such as this in poetry without the pauses. Our alternative, of course, is to leave the punctuation out entirely and then there is no issue with pauses. However then the punctation is incorrect, but this is normally ignored in poetry, especially if you leave all punctuation out. So as pointed out before, the correct punctuation is put in, but the line is meant to be read without pauses. We are taking a "middle-ground" position.

Next on the line "Whether sent to Heav'n or Fire", you correctly point out that we deliberately dropped a letter to preserve the meter, and we certainly did. You say, however, that "I feel it comes out even more awkward as the reader has to consciously drop the second syllable". Yes, this is true, but that is common practice, especially with pieces of Blake's era. Perhaps you are familiar with poetry from this period and you have already mentioned that you had not read Blake before. Indeed, the use of "Heav'n" might be considered another nod in honor of Blake since he used this quite a bit himself as in his poem "An Imitation of Spenser"--see the abstracted segment form this poem below.

An Imitation of Spenser -- Wlliam Blake

"...And thou, Mercurius, that with wingd brow
Dost mount aloft into the yielding sky,
And thro' Heav'n's halls thy airy flight dost throw,"

So you can see the dropping of leters and strong contraction (as in thro') are quite common in pieces of this era. And we have followed this style throughout. There is another example in our poem in the second line: "Lost in Shadow, hid from sight", where we strongly contract "hidden" as hid'.

Thank you for reviewing "The Raven" and caring enough to provide detailed comments.

Reviews

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i left these comments on sheila's posting of this poem. as co-writer i thought you should get the same message..

i'm always afraid when someone uses another poem as a form. it usually comes off as a poor parody. this is an exception. Tyger Tyger is one of my favorite poems so i'm glad you did it justice. the reverence for your raven is just as strong as blake's reverence for the tyger. you also managed to, while using archaic language and style at times, stay easily understandable. something that blake did not always accomplish for me. very nicely done.

(This is the same review I left on your collaborator Sheila Kline's copy of the poem, but I shall paste it here for easier reference).

I'll first mention I am unfamiliar with the original poem "The Tyger" and so I stopped to read that first. Having done so I can say you have done very well in paying homage to the original. Stylistically, It matches The Tyger near perfectly and there is none of the discord that might normally exist between the styles of two authors. I have seen many a collaboration that does not end well due to the poorly matched styles of both writers (and artists, in a few cases) so that you and your partner have wrote a poem that seems to read "in concert" is a feat by itself.

First things first I will point out a number of issues that I noticed whilst reading. A number of lines read awkwardly to me in this poem, notably "Mask, you, secrets there from Man" from the first stanza and "Whether sent to Heav'n or Fire". The issue with the former is would be the commas surrounding "you" without would to me indicate a pause, but the line should be read fluidly. That said, removing the commas would make the line incorrect, so I would suggest rewording it altogether. I would normally suggest my own alteration on small issues like this, but in this case I'll leave such matters up to you and your collaborator. My interference would likely break the harmony you have managed to create. The second line, "Whether sent to Heav'n or Fire," you have deliberately dropped a letter from "heaven" to make the line match the meter but I feel it comes out even more awkward as the reader has to consciously drop the second syllable and the word "heaven" simply does not read that way. I would also mention that "awry" and "fly" don't appear to rhyme for me, as I have always read the former word as ending on an "e" sound. My pronunciation may just be a colloquialism however, so don't pay that too much heed.

The main merits of this poem will naturally come from how well is matcher it's predecessor, The Tyger. I have already mentioned that I feel that as far as the overall style goes, it matches close to perfect. There's an element that's not quite in place but it's subtle enough that I can't quite say what it is, merely "feel" that it is there. A nearly useless statement, but one I did not want to leave unsaid (perhaps you and your partner can decipher something in your poem I cannot; you will have a deeper understanding of it than I do). I will leave any in-depth examinations to people who are more familiar with William Blake than I; my first time reading The Tyger was about thirty seconds before reading The Raven. Without significant time to contemplate both I wouldn't be able to give an entirely fair comparison. At the very least, I can say that I look at this poem as more of a re-telling of the original with a different focus, instead of simply a "similar" poem. To say it is merely "similar" doesn't quite seem fitting, or fair.

Unfortunately, I'm not entirely sure what to make of this poem. As I said, the first time I read Blakes' The Tyger was just a short time ago and it did not appeal to me and consequently neither does the The Raven. Because of this I can't offer much praise (though you are not short of it in other reviews). I hope it is enough of a compliment to say that, in the sense that you have achieved the goals that you set yourself (a collaboration and style similar to Blakes'), you have an extremely well written poem.

[J.R Schlievert]

My fav. co-write so far in my young writing career. thank you for sharing

[Ellen Hammond]

What an amazing co-write! It definitely has the Blake flair. You have worked very well together on this poem, my friends.

[Andrew (not Andy, A.J. ..]

WOW! This was great, Rick and Sheila. Reminded me a lot of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" except with a lot less 'Nevermore's.
I beg to differ with Doctor! Lovecraftianism will never die!
Anyway, good job, keep writing!
Best Wishes and Regards and Sincerity and All Due Respect and All That Stuff,
--Andrew

[Anthony M Smith Jr]

"The Raven", The bird which goes with sorcery and breeds the dark energy. I had a pet raven when I was young who could talk and was very fond of the french language. Awesome poem! The way the words seem so fitting since it is close to Halloween.
There is a constellation of a Raven, yes?
TT-TTO-NI-K
Elk

[emmajoy]

Traditional poetry still exists!

What a great collaboration, one can't see the joins at all, at all and that's a true 'union of minds'. With its deep dark plumage and seemingly evil eyes, the raven is seen as the winged devil incarnate.

Blake's poetry and paintings portray near terror and symbol, they personify the spirit in torment and fear.. you've followed the example with amazing care.

wever, the sight of a raven has been both a portent and a blessing in the UK. In your poem as in many others, the bird signals the worst, but in the Tower of London a few ravens are protected as they have been for years. The saying is that when they leave (they can't, their wings are clipped) the tower and consequently, the country will fall.

The following really rings the bell with me, but, I must say your style throughout reflects the ancient belief of good and bad amongst the creature world .. ' Galaxies will cease to turn ~ Ere for Man's soul you cease to yearn ~ Tell, did Dark One with His ~ Hate ~ Create you midst His spawn with Fate? '

Blake must be smiling in his grave.

[Doctor JKC]

I'm sorry but didn't this form die with Poe and especially Lovecraft?
And rightfully so?
Dr. Callaghan

[Chamil3001]

nice poem.. loved it