Deceit

 

Deceit

 

Deceit…

 

Oh, Hollow, Wretched Creature!

Beneath soiled kingly robes

Beneath false gilded crown

Behind sly smiling teeth

Behind foul perfumed breath

You hide decay of soul

You hide malign intent

You hide Your meatless bones

 

Oh Black One, You’re a monster

So practiced in Your arts

With smile and laugh and jest

And happy Your demeanor

When introduced to guests

Yet cold is Thy embrace

Malicious is Your heart

Ruination Thy design

 

How be we rid of Thee?

Through careful watchful eye

Through constant love of truth

With steadfast best intent

Through heartfelt brotherhood!

Oh may we know Thy face

And shun Thy company

Instead may truth be found

 

We must be rid of Thee!

 

 

 

 

©2009 Richard Puetter

All rights reserved.

 

 

This poem was inspired by Emma's poem "Dreams might be wiser", see http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/scrapemma/429339/.

Author's Note

Dear Thracian,

Thanks for your review. As always, it is quite thorough and thought provoking. And while I generally don't comment on reviews, this is such a detailed review that I want to make a few comments. You'll note that I've commented on your reviews several times before. As I've said, they are thought provoking.

First, we've discussed this before, i.e., do I count "ed" as a separate syllable. The answer as before, is no, I don't. I find this a somewhat arcaic practice, even though I generally support preservation of "correct" English and generally shun the introduction of slang, etc., into the language. Still, in common pronunciation of "ed" as a separate syllable, at least in the United States, is essentially dead. I certainly have never heard this done for most of my life.

Now, on the 6-syllable count, because that's what we're left with if "ed" is not a separate syllable, no, there is no "number of the beast (666)" thing going on here. It is simply a meter I've decided to use for the poem. The line metric length is short to keep the pace of the poem fast, making the lines emphatic declarations.

Regarding simplicity of speech, you correctly remember. I always profess simplicity and clarity. But this is a poem about deceit, which is anything but simple and clear. So the words fit the topic. There is embroidery, there is slight of hand, there is hiding behind cover, and there is embellished speech. This is the nature of deceit.

And I agree with your comment that there is an easy melody in

Oh, Beast!
You hide beneath,
Hollow!
You hide behind,
Wretched!
you hide beneath, behind... you hide.

In fact I like this quite a bit, but what is your point? These words by themselves really don't say too much. Now maybe they do to you, and perhaps I can see that they might with some effort by the reader. But I think you are too clever and fast on the up-take. As I've said before, I'm not into making the reader work. I'm into clarity and simplicity. I don't want my reader to work at all, at least not at discerning my meaning. It is another matter entirely if the words (clear in their meaning) provoke difficult thought and reexamination of values or point of view.

My very best regards,

Rick

Reviews

[emmajoy]

The flow of this outpaces anything I could write about Deceit, Rick.

You always write with such finesse; even those horrible traits making up deceit: the false facade, the snide manner et al are made somehow worthy when you write ... even though they shouldn't be!

'Oh Black One, You're a monster ~ So practiced in Your arts ~ With smile and laugh and jest ~ And happy Your demeanor ~ When introduced to guests'

I love the old English ring of this, as if written when men could be knights or scoundrels. You, sir, are very definitely one of the former.

Thank you for sharing and in your own way, commiserating. x

[Greg Close]

I must admit that any use of Thee or Thy in a modern poem gives me pause - so often is it included only as a pretense, or a clumsy reach for a classical tone. This really works, though. Clearly, you know language and style and verse, and how to use all three together to craft an excellent, honest, poem. I like this also on it's thematic merits, but for more selfish reasons - because I agree!

[Scott Free]

This is simply too true. I love the way you express and ESPECIALLY the way you give us a great picture with your words. You're amazing.
I would like the poem, perhaps, to let us know why, especially, we must do away with deceit because, although you really make us hate it, you don't tell us about it's consequences or how widely-practiced it is. Just a suggestion, perhaps you should expound on this to complete the circle.
If not, this is still a great poem. Keep writing, Rick!

~Scott

[Nae Nae]

This is very creative and yet so dark and mysterious. I love your use of words, it is very beautiful in its cincicleness ...

[Ramza]

Seems quite Shakespearean. Loved how you personified deceit, loved the word choice, loved it all. You are able to describe a cruel person without difficulty and without simply stating the person is evil, you made us believe. By making us believe your skill as a writer shines. I have nothing to critique, it was all superb.

[C.T. Bailey]

Masterfully crafted - as are your other works. The Shakespearean vernacular is well-massaged and releases itself trippingly on tongue (apologies Hamlet and William), providing the reader the sincerity of report which only forsooth speech can deliver. Powerfully wise and introspective. The subject matter begs explanation with the audience. The poem seems almost an interlude between "acts" - a transition, if you will, to still another deep poetic exploration.

I find myself desiring "the rest of the story." Very nice Rick...very fine writing indeed.
Todd

[Mark]

Shucks, and here was I thinking it was a rant on the current political situation! I guess I need to go re-read "Dreams..." to see this other applicability.
Although I enjoy your epics, I enjoy your briefer works as well, possibly the more, as they don't make my pore ole brain struggle so hard! Your personification of Deceit as soiled, false, gilded, sly, perfumed and malign wraps up so many aspects of those who seek to gain at the expense of others, whether or not you were referring to a particular deceiver so prevalent in today's news!

[Michael X]

I really enjoyed every bit of this poem, as well as the flow rick, I felt the rhythm to be fluid and a real passionate force of the poet exhalting in praise, the result of pure metaphor, I felt the deciet
lie in those people who steal, sincerely great work.

[Legion]

A challenge indeed. It is always there and our quest to be rid of it is always there. Good write.