My wails, they escaped me

The storm of a lost love

 

As night lightly layered darkness upon me,

Flashes of grief broke through branches above me.

Past wet trees, stirring leaves with a shiver,

Up to the sky, my wails, they escaped me.

Only memory remains—a woman once loved me.

 

 

 

©2009, Richard Puetter

All rights reserved

 

 

 

For Tovli’s 10/40 contest:

 

Contest rules: Write a poem of exactly 40 words using the following words in the given order: lightly, layered, darkness, flashes, branches, wet, stirring, shiver, remains, woman

 

Photo: http://www.freefoto.com/images/15/78/15_78_18_prev.jpg

Reviews

[Mark]

Rick,
I am checking out WC and you, on the referral of my new friend Sheila. I find this poem astonishing in its terseness, as though the loss of your lover left you without energy or breath. I am curious about line 3: What is the significance of that solitary line NOT ending in 'me', which ends the other four? And the lightning flashes, seen through the stark branches and the sodden leaves; a very evocative image. To only have been writing for eight months, you have grasped some masterful devices extraordinarily quickly...As one might expect of a physicist! Keep up the good work!

[Fidheallir]

Concise and vivid. I like it.

[Sheila Kline]

Dear Rick!
The image sets the tone for this write with its message of love lost! Darkened sky is becoming absent of all light.
I love the insertion of the word "wails".....reveals total desperation!
Excellent use of the words presented for the challenge!
Good luck!

Best Regards,
Sheila