Sanatorium

A spoof on my poem 'Byzantium'

 

Dear readers, I was mulling over "Byzantium" in my head one day and a funny thought occurred to me.  "Byzantium" has such a serious tone, being tied to historical battles and all.  And I just started laughing, thinking about this epic topic juxtaposed against something silly and light, but with the same serious rhyme and meter.  The more I thought about it, the funnier it seemed (at least to me).  So this is the result.  A spoof of my poem "Byzantium", poking fun at myself and my writing style.  I hope you enjoy the spoof.

 

Sanatorium...

 

Hark you doctors of insanity

Hear a tale of inhumanity

How I lost my mind, what will become

Of my stay in sanatorium

 

For I’m not normal, and nor am I¹

At night I dream purple pigs can fly²

Being so afraid I have to run

Screaming to the sanatorium

 

While the walls are high, I must escape

So o’er the walls hook and line I drape

Each time I flee the white jackets come

Returning me, sanatorium

 

If I had a knife, my life I’d take

I know for sure that’d be no mistake

For return to reason will never come

Sitting in this sanatorium

 

So here I sit, yes, but who am I?

In saner times I know pigs can’t fly

And I’m no king of Byzantium³

My kingdom’s this sanatorium

 

With insanity now most complete

Nevermore walk, I, down normal streets⁴

Hellish demons roar, my mind succumbs

It’s my cruel end, sanatorium

 

So nurses and you good physicians

Note my rantings and my apparitions

All my reason’s gone, my mind’s undone

My brain’s on drugs, sanatorium

 

And my spectres and my demons rest

In mind alone (and the basement chest! ⁵)

All my sane thoughts flee, they’re on the run

I wave bye-bye, sanatorium

 

With dementia old, I’ll end my song

Of my mind once sane, with reason strong

Now I’m always in delirium

I’m quite insane, sanatorium

 

 

 

 

Notes:

 

Sanity is a wonderful thing, full of fresh insights into the inner workings of the world. I always try to spend a few sane moments with friends and family before returning to my poetry.

 

^[1]Neither one of us was really very sane, but I was the saner of the two--no, maybe I was!

 

^[2]In olden days pigs could really fly if they were purple. But purple pigs were extinguished forever in the “Battle of the Spareribs” in 545 AD--see, for example, Frankfurter's wonderful history, “In a Pig’s Eye”, pp.235-237 and pages following.

 

^[3]Byzantium^a, known from antiquity, was an extremely large insane asylum on the Bosporus, known for its very high walls, making it nearly impossible for the inmates to escape. Fortunately in 1453 AD the Ottoman Turks came to the rescue of the inmates, blowing the walls to kingdom come with canon fire.

 

^[4]An indirect reference to the “Mese”, a famous street in Byzantium where the inmates were forced to walk day after day after day…, i.e., they could not walk down “normal streets”.

 

^[5]I know this is where the demons really hide at night. I’m so fortunate that this chest is back at mom’s and the sanatorium refused to let her leave it with me.

 

Notes to the Notes:

 

^[a]Byzantium was later Constantinople and is now Istanbul. The former name "Constantinople" means "Contantly in 'ople'", where "ople" is an ancient expression for saliva.  This is because the inmates were always foaming at the mouth, so they were "Constantinople".  The roots of the later name, of course, are quite easy to see. "Istanbul" is a contraction of "Instant Bull".  This was because the inmates were always saying the most amazingly crazy things.  Well they're nuts, right!

 

 

 

©2008, Richard Puetter

All rights reserved

Author's Note

Enjoy the spoof!

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

Oh Rick, my friend, thank you for this clever, witty, hilarious poem. It made me laugh out loud and as I hit the sack, I know I'll still have a smile on my face. The tone is perfect, great syntax, rhythm and rhyme. You make a difficult job(making light of a usually serious subject) doing it with great flow, encouraging the reader to lighten up for that delicious belly laugh. That takes talent. Thanks, I needed that.

[Scott Free]

Great job! LOVED it.
I like the references to Byzantine history, althoouuuugh you may want in the notes to change 'Byzantium' to Constantinople...it just might confuse some people.
One other thing...the wittiness is great in the beginning and at the end, but in the middle things lag just a bit. And they get a little darker than maybe you want a spoof to be.

If you really like historical drama-type poems, you might just like my 'Richard the Fearless'. It's not as factual as your Byzantium or this--it's a little embellished to make the story flow--but if offers a sort of Tennyson-esque epic. Just a suggestion.

[emmajoy]

I'm laughing, was by the second stanze! This is not only fine writing, but witty and clever and.. and.. and..


' So nurses and you good physicians / Note my rantings and my apparitions / All my reason's gone, my mind's undone / My brain's on drugs, sanatorium '

[Laura E. Aranda]

What scares me the most? Insanity! The picture you used at the top was sooo creepy! I hate the 'straight jacket' idea! That would be a horrible situation to be in! Anyway great 'spoof'....;)
Cheers,lea

[C.T. Bailey]

Rick, this is a great piece of work. I am glad you put it up. Sometimes we need to keep things in perspective. Words and actions, when allowed to marinate with emotion, can skew that perspective. This is a good piece to remove the "edge" from the Byzantium confusion of last week. It is a perfect olive branch extended between good friends who are passionate about the things that they care about most.
Well done sir...
Todd