Sanatorium

A spoof on my poem 'Byzantium'

 

Dear readers, I was mulling over "Byzantium" in my head one day and a funny thought occurred to me.  "Byzantium" has such a serious tone, being tied to historical battles and all.  And I just started laughing, thinking about this epic topic juxtaposed against something silly and light, but with the same serious rhyme and meter.  The more I thought about it, the funnier it seemed (at least to me).  So this is the result.  A spoof of my poem "Byzantium", poking fun at myself and my writing style.  I hope you enjoy the spoof.

 

Sanatorium...

 

Hark you doctors of insanity

Hear a tale of inhumanity

How I lost my mind, what will become

Of my stay in sanatorium

 

For I’m not normal, and nor am I¹

At night I dream purple pigs can fly²

Being so afraid I have to run

Screaming to the sanatorium

 

While the walls are high, I must escape

So o’er the walls hook and line I drape

Each time I flee the white jackets come

Returning me, sanatorium

 

If I had a knife, my life I’d take

I know for sure that’d be no mistake

For return to reason will never come

Sitting in this sanatorium

 

So here I sit, yes, but who am I?

In saner times I know pigs can’t fly

And I’m no king of Byzantium³

My kingdom’s this sanatorium

 

With insanity now most complete

Nevermore walk, I, down normal streets⁴

Hellish demons roar, my mind succumbs

It’s my cruel end, sanatorium

 

So nurses and you good physicians

Note my rantings and my apparitions

All my reason’s gone, my mind’s undone

My brain’s on drugs, sanatorium

 

And my spectres and my demons rest

In mind alone (and the basement chest! ⁵)

All my sane thoughts flee, they’re on the run

I wave bye-bye, sanatorium

 

With dementia old, I’ll end my song

Of my mind once sane, with reason strong

Now I’m always in delirium

I’m quite insane, sanatorium

 

 

 

 

Notes:

 

Sanity is a wonderful thing, full of fresh insights into the inner workings of the world. I always try to spend a few sane moments with friends and family before returning to my poetry.

 

^[1]Neither one of us was really very sane, but I was the saner of the two--no, maybe I was!

 

^[2]In olden days pigs could really fly if they were purple. But purple pigs were extinguished forever in the “Battle of the Spareribs” in 545 AD--see, for example, Frankfurter's wonderful history, “In a Pig’s Eye”, pp.235-237 and pages following.

 

^[3]Byzantium^a, known from antiquity, was an extremely large insane asylum on the Bosporus, known for its very high walls, making it nearly impossible for the inmates to escape. Fortunately in 1453 AD the Ottoman Turks came to the rescue of the inmates, blowing the walls to kingdom come with canon fire.

 

^[4]An indirect reference to the “Mese”, a famous street in Byzantium where the inmates were forced to walk day after day after day…, i.e., they could not walk down “normal streets”.

 

^[5]I know this is where the demons really hide at night. I’m so fortunate that this chest is back at mom’s and the sanatorium refused to let her leave it with me.

 

Notes to the Notes:

 

^[a]Byzantium was later Constantinople and is now Istanbul. The former name "Constantinople" means "Contantly in 'ople'", where "ople" is an ancient expression for saliva.  This is because the inmates were always foaming at the mouth, so they were "Constantinople".  The roots of the later name, of course, are quite easy to see. "Istanbul" is a contraction of "Instant Bull".  This was because the inmates were always saying the most amazingly crazy things.  Well they're nuts, right!

 

 

 

©2008, Richard Puetter

All rights reserved

Author's Note

Enjoy the spoof!

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

Oh Rick, my friend, thank you for this clever, witty, hilarious poem. It made me laugh out loud and as I hit the sack, I know I'll still have a smile on my face. The tone is perfect, great syntax, rhythm and rhyme. You make a difficult job(making light of a usually serious subject) doing it with great flow, encouraging the reader to lighten up for that delicious belly laugh. That takes talent. Thanks, I needed that.

[GunMetal]

I loved this bit of information at the Notes to the Notes part. This whole poem was very exciting, and once again I enjoy your writing immensely. This particular bit of writing felt very lyrical to me, with the recurring "sanatorium" at the end of each verse. Yes, Metallica comes to mind, but I wasn't trying to compare the two. I guess I am just conditioned to think "Heavy Metal" when I read something like this. And trust me, this would jam as a Metal song.
I have tried to write from the viewpoint of insanity. It was difficult to decide whether to go for the wacky approach, or the chilling approach, or a combination of the two, but in the end I was really just pondering how much Jello one could fit in the state of Rhode Island. I imagine that it would be quite a bit.
This was a most entertaining write.

[alesuriko]

This is my favorite poem that you've written. I love things involving sanity and lack there of. This captured the delirium so well and the flow and rhythm was exquisite. Such a great piece full of imagery and creative about being locked away in an asylum. Descriptive with relevant references and realism mixed with insanity. Very wonderfully done. I'll have to read your Byzantium poem.

[Andrew (not Andy, A.J. ..]

Wow. That was great. It reminded me of a Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams work--with the notes and the notes to the notes.
I found it quite entertaining.
Maybe move the notes and the notes to the notes and the dear readers thingy into the Author's notes and beginning author's notes respectively.
Wonderful poem, a winner!
Oh, and the big pic thing isn't really needed.

[Elijah]

It is a great and funny poem. The line i like the most is,
"At night I dream purple pigs can fly" HA!

[Mark]

Rick, you never cease to astonish me! To write two such works, the latter mercilessly mocking
the first, even unto the frequently-berated scholarly footnotes you include, speaks of a mind so
profound, yet so agile, as to defy my ability to describe! As a frequent guest of the State of Louisiana
(re-read 'Three At Lunch", "Re-cycling Rosie" and "Defloration" for a few "IN"-sights), I too can laugh
at the ineptitude, the inanity, yes, even the insanity of those who pronounce US warped, and the
idiocy of their stratega for correcting same. I haven't stopped laughing yet!

[Mason Vail]

Ha! This is... AWESOME.
I am an absolute sucker for self-spoofing and footnotes - especially quality self-spoofing and footnotes.
I'll be back to read more, for sure.

[Max]

haha i love it! It's at the same time a spoof and at the same time a serious poem, for this is probably what insanity's like lol.

Great job again. Love it!

[Alaska Frost]

haha! We all need to laugh at ourselves sometimes. i enjoyed this poem so much...it's clever and humorous and uses good rhyme and meter. Very witty and excellently written. :)

[Tovli]

what a feat! a little humour keeps us on our toes. nice use of the form as well--it would make an interesting chant--with xylaphone accompaniment. cool and clever---tovli