Brave Heart

Encouragement for the spirit of Man

Artist's conception of a sunrise on the planet Gliese 876d that orbits the red dwarf star Gliese 876. A vision of light (the sun) battling the darkness (the planet).  Light wins!

 

 

Oh, Brave Heart,

Do worldly cares o’erthrow you?

Don’t let your heart blacken―

Bright spirit burns within you!

 

The world cannot defeat you

It does not have the mind

Your spirit the more powerful―

The world but dumb and blind!

 

Your life cannot be vanquished

By force that is external

So do not give your life up

To demons all internal

 

Hence lift your spirit upward!

You have the strength and power

Do not let the world of cares

Your precious soul devour

 

Instead make manifesto―

Your life will be your own!

There are no deeds unworthy

For which you must atone

 

And so, my Brave Heart,

With courage strong and pure,

Lift up your visage

And please, me reassure:

You'll make your world a mansion

Most comforting and sweet,

A haven, safe for your soul

With healing balm replete!

And when you lift your eyes up

This deepest truth you'll see:

 

You need only make your mind up

To set your spirit free!

 

 

 

 

©2008, Richard Puetter

All rights reserved

Reviews

[eatmills]

Somehow, (just because I've read your profile) I can you picture you reciting this (in a Shakespearean dialect) to a lowly tired space warrior whom, has just lost his world to some cosmic design and have given him the secrets to eternal happiness. The timing and your style impeccable. Just a simply amazing choice of visual you have added to this amazing write.

[h d e rushin]

"there are no deeds unworthy
for which you must atone" amen.

[Anthony M Smith Jr]

Flawless my friend and I am going to make this into my death song and dance! I will have no regrets! Thanks!
TT-TTO-NI-K
Elk

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your beautiful winning poem!

[d. c. smith]

very uplifting. i really appreciate the triumphant optimism.

[Donna DeLong Matthews a..]

And so, my Brave Heart,With courage strong and pure,Lift up your visage,And please, me reassure:You'll make your world a mansionMost comforting and sweet,A haven, safe for your soulWith healing balm replete!And when you lift your eyes up,This deepest truth you'll see: You need only make your mind upTo set your spirit free!

Rick this is so profound and in which we all should
live by. Self truth is hard to face sometimes but
it is only thru this self truth that we will be set free

Awesome write my friend.
Hugs
Donna

[Emily Rose]

Hi Rick! I'm still alive; I just find myself with far less time to write and critique writing since starting school. However, here we have a managable piece and I've got a bit of time :-)

The question mark in the first line confuses me a little, since you don't have anything leading into the question (i.e. "DO cares of the world o'erthrow you?"). I think you're doing this for rhythmic purposes, but it seems a little strange and out of place, since "cares of the world o'erthrow you" sounds so much like a statement. The same goes for "bright spirit" - it sounds like it should be "A bright spirit." Again, I think you're doing this for the sake of the rhythm, but it does sound a bit strange and forced. That line you could pretty easily fix by say "bright spirits burn within you" but that might distort your meaning too much ("spirit" in the sense of "soul" might be misinterpreted to mean "spirits" in the sense of "ghosts"). Anyway, it's something to think about.

In stanza 2 line 3, the comma after "spirit" seems to break the flow. I think you're making it an appositive phrase and it doesn't need to be: "your spirit the more powerful, the world but dumb and blind" is acceptable. (I would change the comma after "powerful" to a colon or a dash, but that's just a personal preference thing.) The line "by forces pure external" also seems a little forced. I think I know what you're saying, but as it stands now it feels like you had to manipulate "external" to the end of the line so it would rhyme with "internal." I'm not really sure how to fix this, other than to recommend a revision of the entire stanza. "External" and "internal" don't really seem to fit at the end of the lines, so it might be worth it to revise the stanza and put something else at the end ("external powers" for example, or if you can come up with a rhyme for "forces" that would work too). The rhythm is also a little weird in line three of that stanza; the beats seems redistributed a little strangely. It's a great idea; it just needs a little more polish.

I like the fourth stanza, although I would recommend switching "your spirit, pure," to "your pure spirit" since it's simpler and more straightforward. The last twelve lines have a few kinks to iron out:

This could just be a preference thing, but you've used the word "pure" three times in the same poem. It's a great word, I know, but when you use it the last stanza it doesn't have the same kick as it did the first times you used it. Same goes for "strong." They have their place in poetry, but if they're overused too much, particularly in the same piece, their meaning starts to wane. "Refined" would work well, I think. The problem is that you're using "pure" at the end of the line. Honestly, I think the first four lines of the twelve-line stanza could use a little revision, though, so you may decide to swap out "pure and strong" for other words and redesign those lines accordingly. It strikes me as odd that you suddenly dive into archaic English ("thee" and "thy") but in the next few lines you switch back to the modern "your." What are you trying to accomplish by doing this? The line "I lift thee up thy visage" doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either: "I lift you up your visage (or face)." Which is it? Are you lifting your subject's whole self or his/her face? Same goes for the line "and please, me reassure." I'm puzzling over what that line has to do with the line preceding it. Also, it sounds awkward and strained, especially after your lapse into the archaic. I feel like those four lines could be very strong with a little tinkering, but as it stands now, they just bring the glory of the work down a few notches.

I like all the lines after those, although I would extract the comma after "safe," change the comma after "see" to a colon, and probably nix the ellipsis before "your." (You might want to add a space before the ending couplet, too. Just for effect.)

As usual, this is a great piece. I really like the interplay between the mind and the spirit; it gives me this feeling of one's soul pitted against one's logic, and they can only both be free if they work together. The picture in really adds to the effect, too. Well done! All you need to do is revise it a little so it'll really shine!

[Katherine Wyatt]

It is truly up to us to decide to create our own peace and strength within ourselves..that you have have brought out so brilliantly..the poem is spectacular..Loving every line!

[Brianna Brie]

The world cannot defeat you,
It does not have the mind.
Your spirit, the more powerful,
The world but dumb and blind!

Nicely done...very encouraging and uplifting. You have a gift, my friend.

[Satine]

Hello Rick,

Nicely done this poem of encouragement though the rhyming scheme is a bit sing-songy for my taste such as;

"And when you lift your eyes up,
This deepest truth you'll see,
...You need only make your mind up
To set your spirit free!"

Also the use of the word "so" three times is just a little redundant.

Satine