"In the consciousness of the truth he has perceived, man now sees everywhere only the awfulness or the absurdity of existence and loathing seizes him."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
…Dawn…
In the seas of all existence1 In the dreaming of a God Winds blew empty o’er the oceans Thoughts of essence in the distance Laws of nature still unshod2
Then the breath of life was exhaled And the spark of being lit3 And the latent laws of essence Now were chosen and unveiled Now the course of nature writ4
Then that pure seed ontologic That young seedling, it did flower! It sprung forth with wild expansion5 Smoothing out existence’s fabric6 Mighty in its size and power
Now did cool the new creation And the seething parts combine7 Sparkling clear the face of being Uncoupled now―Oh, light’s elation!8 Now can stars begin to shine9
It was then that it was ready For the next step, the transition All the forces four were now set10 And with dancing, whirling eddy Readied worlds for their fruition
On this sea of desolation On this roiling pot of woe What should be the expectation …What would nature dare to sow?
…Garden…
In the quiet, in the darkness Softest winds caress the plain On this orb yet all is silent With a blankness nearly endless Emptiness alone doth reign
In the waters of the ocean In the sparking of the skies11 Life bestows its greatest kindness And instills its magic potion Clay of earth can now arise!
Now in valleys, in the waters Teeming life is ever found This, the dance of life unfolding And the creatures, sons and daughters Profusion of life’s kiss, profound!
There across the green of orchards There across the fields of grain There stands Man, unexhalted Guarding herds from fiercest leopards Standing naked in the rain
Then through thought Man’s spirit rises! Up to heav’n his sight he trains To o’ercome his life so lowly Seeks he truth and wisdom’s prizes Knowledge now his life’s campaign!
Now arise his works and cities All the world his full domain Still he sulks in quiet wonder As the gods look down in pity For his life he can’t explain
Through eons of revelation Through the rising power of Man Will his knowledge prove salvation Or…shall he end as he began?
…Dusk…
Gaining knowledge never ending Man ascends his royal throne His visage o’er the land extending Seemly his godhood pending …But for pride must he atone?
Subjugating lands and planets Exploring all the vast unknown Man goes forth and gathers forces Celebrates with bounteous banquets His mastery of existence shown!
But Man’s dominion can’t continue For while great, his reach finite He can ne’er o’erstep his station Though by will he strains his sinews Feeble loins lack needed might
Thus turns Man to introspection For he boasts he knows his mind And banishing the world external To lofty thoughts he gives reflection To conquer reason now resigned
But argument and high abstraction Prove native thought to be unclear12 Hallowed reason―false elation! Man’s poor mind a barren station With weakness rife, with truth austere
And so in sorrow, Man dejected Cannot master what he may Wanders, he, through empty courses All his hopes and dreams rejected And ne’er he master of the play
And so through ages stretching outward Man must wait and bide his time Ponders, he, on all his failures And his grave face now cast downward― Exiled, he, from goals sublime
Spreading thinner, ever thinner Space expands ‘til naught is left13 To hollowed gods we raise our voices: “Pity Man, the prideful sinner Soul adrift, of hope bereft!”
Then with final throes of being Man’s corpuscles start to fail For within the laws of physics, Naught with mass can e’er prevail14
So it’s final and it’s finished Crucifixion on life’s cross! Now the world is much diminished― ‘Twas destiny to see Man lost!
…Epilogue…
What’s the purpose, what’s the reason? Is it known, can you explain? I have looked for all the answers But, in truth, I looked in vain
For with science and full passion I have tried to answer all Still it seems that in their fashion All my reasons just appall
Is it not for Man to know, then? Will we reach a strong locked door? I can barely stand to know, then! …It’s “not knowing” I abhor
Still I have no choice in living For this life was given me I find in knowledge no thanksgiving And hope in death that I’ll be free
And in summing all my knowledge Writing down my poetry It seems to me there’s no advantage All words empty balladry
So I wait--I cannot do else! Passing time on life’s great sea In good time when death in me swells, Grateful, join I eternity
So is this, then, Man’s sad story? At dear expense did life arise And I for knowledge mined life’s quarry But in the end naught’s left but sighs
And when I rest me through the great night Winds o’er existence blow once more …Await, I, thundrous cracks of insight― New universes to explore!
[1]The modern view of physics is that our current universe may be a specific selection out of an endless range of possibilities existing in a “multiverse” of possible universes and that universes are continually born, filling all the possibilities of existence.
[2]Before the “Big Bang” that formed our universe, the laws of physics that govern our world have not been set, i.e., selected out of all possible sets of allowable physics in the “multiverse”.
[3]The “Big Bang”.
[4]Once the laws of physics are selected, the course of the world, it's physical possibilities, are set and fixed. This determines in large measure how the universe shall evolve, and whether life can form, etc.
[5]Early in the history of the universe, physicists now believe there was an expansionary phase in which the universe expanded extremely rapidly in the blink of an eye.
[6]The expansionary phase smoothes out space and dilutes rare particles. The existence of an expansionary phase explains the observed smoothness in the primeval microwave background and the rarity of exotic particles that should exist, but which have never been seen, such as magnetic monopoles. Direct evidence of the expansionary phase of the Universe was revealed in early 2014 (along with evidence of the existence of gravitons) by the BICEP2 experiment in Antarctica (and UCSD was part of this effort). This microwave telescope looked for polarization in the microwave background and discovered "curl" in the polarization, which can only arise from a non-scalar field such as gravitons. What a marvelous time we live in. First detection of the Higgs boson in July of 2012, and now this. What additional new wonders await us?
[7]Once the universe has expanded sufficiently, the matter and antimatter annihilate, heavy particles decay, and charged particles recombine.
[8]Once the universe recombines, it becomes transparent to light, and now light can freely travel across it. At this time, the microwave background decouples from the rest of the matter and is still pristinely preserved today, allowing us to probe the state of the universe at a time roughly 300,000 years after its creation.
[9]With atoms recombined, interstellar gas can cool and condense, forming the first stars.
[10]There are four forces in nature: (1) gravitation, (2) electromagnetism, (3) the weak nuclear force responsible for radioactive decay, and (4) the strong nuclear force responsible for the fusion of nuclei. At the formation of the universe all of these forces were of the same strength and indistinguishable. As the universe cooled, the forces changed in strength as the universe went through a series of phase transitions. Separation and distinction of the four forces is necessary for life as we know it to arise.
Well, new news. It seems there might be a fifth force, but now between dark matter particles. There seems to be at least two type of dark matter. That which does't clump as much and that which clumps more. Clumping more would requite a force to "radiate" away energy (so it can clump more). This would require a fifth force of which we're unaware, and which would not "effect us" in a significant way of which we'd be aware. Lot of secrets still out there, everybody. Keep watching!
[11]It is currently thought that lightning was instrumental in providing the chemistry necessary for life to arise on earth.
[12]Even Man’s most highly regarded work of intellect, mathematics, is now known to be “flawed”. Mathematics is incomplete, i.e., there are true statements that in principle can never be known to be either true or false. In other words, the methods of mathematics are incapable of discovering the truth of everything, and this has been proven mathematically!
[13]We now know that space is expanding with increasing rapidity. Eventually the universe around us will be extremely diluted of matter and energy.
[14]Eventually the matter that everything is made of, including Man, will decay into massless particles. It is now thought, for example, that the half-life of the proton is somewhat greater than about 1035 years. For massless particles, since they travel at the speed of light, time never passes. So they are the ultimate and only immortal and stable particles.
I maybe am nit picking but I would work some on your punctuation - Yes I've only read stanza numero uno, but I couldn't help but feel the unease of it all.. sorry.
In the seas of all existence1,
In the dreaming of a God,
Winds blew empty, o'er the ocean,
Thoughts of essence in the distance
Laws of nature still unshod2.
Acknowledge this as a normal sentence instead. In the seas of all existence, in the dreaming of a God, winds blew empty, o'er the ocean, thoughts of essence in the distance Laws of nature still unshod. Reading it like that, don't those commas make you itch? I would have it like so : In the seas of all existence, in the dreaming of a God, winds blew empty o'er the ocean; thoughts of essence in the distance, laws of nature still unshod. However, instead of that last stanza you've the option of swapping distance for "distant" to continue onto your next line. I really do apologize about the frivolity of my remark, I just get itches sometimes.
I also found your first stanza interesting in that... it makes me wonder if you are mocking someones in a subtle manner. It could easily be seen as the prelude to all beginnings, which can't exist without it's own beginning.... which implicitly happens right after it. It's quite a beautiful strophe none the less. Just a curious one knowing you. Ah. I have failed at seeing your message I suppose... it could be that the sea our existence swims in, subsisted before time itself.. in those strange mind-bending ways. Perhaps it isn't as out of character as I initially suspected... However, your use of unshod is quite shabby. I get what it's for, which I've no reproach about, but it makes Man sound like God, if you understand where I am coming from.
Hehe.. I quite enjoyed your second stanza for I have seen this idea, fate by means of calculation, in a book I've read. I'll go a limb and assume you have as well, being as it was quite a great hit back in the day and I would assume you like science fiction, for what it was at least. In Dune, there are these people called "Mentats" who are basically human super-computers. The main character initially (and by this I mean within the first book) shows qualities of being a mentat, which he later turns into a prescient capacity of calculability by means of a melange explored on a planet. The sad truth within the book is that Paul, the initial main character, has such a thirst for knowledge that life itself seemingly loses meaning when he realize that though he can predict the future, he fails in being able to change that future because of his knowledge. Call it suicidal-faith, or belief in the truth. His son however, sees this flaw in his father and ascends to a higher logical existence - by means of inverse exploration of the spice, the melange (instead of going to seek knowledge of the future, he becomes history itself, wherein he becomes what is known as a Shai'Hulud, a Maker, a sand worm that produces the spice. I also forgot to mention that, like oil in our world, that spice just happens to be what makes the world go 'round in that book. I believe one of their sayings in the book is, "He who controls the spice, controls the means to all life."). It might all be more clear if you read the book, which I strongly suggest you do if you haven't already. But I basically enjoyed how well Frank Herbert explored this notion of being able to calculate or own fate, and I tend to agree with him that it would become quite a tedious wait should one come to exist like that. A little gripe I have about this stanza though are those two last Nows, that part of the stanza sounds out weirdly. It might be the transition in my mind between "Now" and were as being two different tenses. I don't know if that is just how I am reading it, although if you consider changing it about I would suggest :
"were now chosen and unveiled;
the course of nature writ."
I also liked your third stanza, you yourself are flowering as a poet. I enjoy how you keep to your stern explanations, 'though you allow yourself to slip - within the blink of an eye is a loose concept, not to mention comparing the expansion of a universe to the winnowing of a flower with its "exotic" seeds. A consideration for here is the word "Mighty" because there might be a better one, you know? Maybe something more like Grand - which reminds me of Grand from Camus' La Peste... What a funny character, I quite enjoyed analysing his sentence...
I see you are back to using the Now. I understand that you use it as a form of time-line, maneuvering around stages and steps, but it does get to be a tongue twister all on its own at this rate. I would suggest you either avoid it completely, because from all the scrolling I'm doing you've a long way before the end to be thinking of many various ways of saying "and so this happened, after which that happened..." Take it more at the rate of a story-teller, kind of like what the piece could be coming from an old donkey stuck in an animal farm. However, I find the jumping from one line to the next juxtaposing the last three sentences is quite... lacking in the piece itself. I understand that you use notes to explain yourself, but independently of that, you just went from nothing to there being light and stars, to there being space and amalgamations.
I've many qualms about giving suggestions as to this verse : "It was then that it was ready." I hope you understand why I find it weak, but also a futile change in verb tenses that could be easily fixed up. It was then that IT was ready.. This is the one thing I find weak about english and french as languages. A lot of concepts begin on the assumption of IT, where it is an abstract notion vaguely defined by, or as anything. It's worse than the dirge sang by trumpets during remembrance day, a song to many dead seldom few are even able to name anymore... It is a calling to nothingness to explain things. Bah, I should let goes of my own futile rants sometimes.. I would also like to see some religious interweaving here and there as a satirical edge for this piece. Instead of "The transition," you could call it "The opening" (and if you want to stretch onto something easily manipulated... call it an act, the opening act, and make it a play, then name the characters, as in your four elements... if not, "The Opening" is the roughest and closest translation to the arabic name of the first Chapter in the Qu'ran, the equivalent to the first chapters of the Genesis in the bible, which is from whence I assume you gathered "Garden" from).
The last strophe of your first section makes a brave leap towards what I assume is meant to be our first genuine emotional reaction to all of these events. While studying Kafka, I explored the notion of psychological development beyond one's first encounter based purely on that encounter. As in, a child's first social interaction happens with his parents, to whom he gives all his trust and love for two reasons. He has no other option, and he doesn't know anything, hence you could say "any better." And based on this first interaction, the child will develop his relationships. So, should one have a rocky foundation, one would end up with a rocky lifestyle, per se. I dare not hope that our first reaction would be "What would be the expectations." You could call that implicitly begging for knowledge, to know what mountains we'd climb.. and where our tombs would rest (and don't take this as a reproach on the piece, I very much like how you have you set up). That second question is less likely to be asked by a philistine, which shines a beam of hope onto the world - which reminds me, how did we go from being in the sea to being on the sea?
Moving on to the Garden our little friend Voltaire suggested we should cater to, the little rose that belongs to the minute prince. Yes, I hope you mean anything but the garden of eve here, because some might call that heretical (and yes, hopefully I'm being sarcastic here). I can see why you'd drop the "the" before softest, however the elliptical produce of that osculation between softest and winds creates quite the dramatic awkwardness one could expect on his or her's first date - especially if one was at the cinemas, watching one of those ancient horror flicks, the ones that were grotesquely unfrightening. Your dabbling in elliptical syntax leaves me quite restless, and so my itching returns.
In the quiet, in the darkness,
Softest winds caress the plain.
On this orb yet all is silent
With a blankness nearly endless
Emptiness alone doth reign.
Why to you go from THE darkness to a blackness? Why not have it, On this orb yet all is silent,/ the blackness is nearly endless/ and emptiness alone doth reign-th (I believe that would be proper accord, which you can just ignore because I assume most won't care to think anything of it). I am also curious as to your use of doth, because it is seemingly the first appearance since the beginning of the piece. Do you plan on using this as a tool? Or was it just some recreational chimera about Shakespeare being the epitome of poetical articulation (Unlike Poe, or Hemingway's peculiar descriptions)?
I will assume you didn't make a footnote for "magic potion" because you do not possibly take yourself as informed enough to make such a descriptive assertion. And to that end I wonder then how it is that life does inaugurate this gift of life unto this planet, because that would imply that life had to exist before life could be created.. Wait, haven't I said this before? Well, I would just have you consider nature here, instead of life for pragmatical precision.. To be succinct and not some sort of adjunction.
Alas, those pesky Nows are relentless, don't you find? Kind of like mosquitoes, whom are possibly the cause of why the dinosaur's ceased to exist and why human beings took the upper-hand, but are loathed, with a touch of hypothetically huge irony, by human beings. I can also create a link here between the rhythmic causality of paradigms and compulsive movements, and the ancient Vedas that spoke of Brahma's separated selves dancing, and that dance being the root of all life. Was this intentional on your part Rick? And suddenly I smirk as I think devilishly, "Why didn't he use polygottism instead of kiss." Of course, I mean this as a joke.. that would just ruin the whole beauty of what you've created not only with undercurrents of ideas that should be kept underfoot, but also crudeness. Yet, here again you do refer yourself to life... more appropriately, however I think you should link this dance to something, beyond just life's interaction with itself, or this kiss of yours might be taken as an incestuous thing..
I'm afraid I will have to finish this another time. I'm shure you don't much appreciate those last remarks... and I do notice my deliriously contemptful remarks... So I will leave you for now, and hopefully return in a better state. I also apologize for any and all mistakes in this comment. I can only imagine how many I've made...
Good night Rick...
And good fortuity with enterprising!
I like this. It's like a scientific introspection with a touch of a scriptural tone. The rhyme pattern was brilliant and the content never went off point while maintaining the pattern. I've always believed that everything in itself, even consciousness; is in fact these massless particles you spoke of. Our thoughts can't really be traced back to a source point from where they arise; we don't know where we go when we die, or where we were before we were born. Even when we find things out through discoveries in science, it only leads to more questions. There is always a factor of the unknown. Is it not possible that indeed the answer itself is that which cannot be expressed? Is it not possible that everything is the result of nothingness; and that nothingness is in fact inseparable from all that is? Even in the contemplation of Self (Who am I? Where do my thoughts arise from?) there is no expressible answer. Similarly, the statement you made about how it is mathematically proven that mathematics is incapable of discovering every answer. Even within cold hard fact, there is the unknowable. I believe these massless particles you speak of are in fact the very answer. I think when people refer to God, Brahman, the Tao, the Self, (whatever religious view they practice) they're really speaking of these massless particles that create everything that is, and bind us all. I think science is really on to something there. Nothingness, exploding into everything; silence, exploding into sound; non-existence, exploding into existence. Just my thoughts. Thanks for sharing this piece, Rick. It got me thinking.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Dear I am that I am,
I generally don't comment publicly on reviews, preferring to ans.. read moreDear I am that I am,
I generally don't comment publicly on reviews, preferring to answer reviewers privately, but from time to time I think some additional comments might be of interest to the general reader. So here goes.
Well I think massless particles and particles that have mass are pretty well understood these days. That's not to say that we know everything, but we have a decent understanding of at least some aspects of this stuff. One of the most common massless particles is the photon. Now all of the massless particles currently known are bosons (integer-spin particles). Exchanges of bosons give rise to the four fundamental forces of nature (gravity, the nuclear weak force, electromagnetism, and the strong nuclear force--listed here from weakest to strongest). All the "particles pf matter" are fermions (half integer spin particles). These all have mass. But things are complicated. Not all bosons are massless (bosons of the nuclear weak and strong forces, for example). In fact, this is why these forces are short ranged--the bosons decay before they get too far. The long-range forces (gravity and electromagnetism) have massless bosons and hence are long-range as their bosons can't decay (they move at the speed of light and time stands still for them so these is no time to decay). And we should be clear that these massless particles have very specific properties. They are not capable of supporting consciousness (time stands still for them) and they're too simple (in my opinion) to really be at the root of God or such things. So what is consciousness? I think we'll find out soon because I think we'll eventually be able to build thinking machines. I think consciousness arises in sufficiently complex systems that interact with themselves and which have xternal stimuli/input. All brains have this property, and studies seem to indicate that even when upset, whipped clean, or damaged, consciousness can reassert itself if sufficient levels of interactions are maintained (reintroduced) and external stimuli is provided. (Blind people can actually learn to see with their tongues if their tongue is connected to actuators and an optical sensor, and embryonic mice and rats with destroyed visual centers learn to see just fine after they are born.) Regarding the flaws in modern mathematics, you might like to read my most recent essay on the topic: "The Paradox--A Warning" at http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/rpuetter/1525639/. And if you'd like to carry on this discussion privately, just let me know.
Hey, Rick, thanks for entering my contest. This is quite an epic write! The style suites the content well. Beautifully written clear thoughts... Gratz on the win. :)
Okay, so this poem itself was very well written but there are a few things i would like to say.
You do not need all those explanations, your poetry should not need any explanation and if a person doesn't understand it they can look it up to find out, but while i was reading this i almost felt as though i were reading a novel or an excerpt of some sort that i had to keep scrolling to the bottom to find out the meaning of a word or what not. I personally think that your poem does not need an explanation and you can just write it. but besides that i think that the poem itself was as you said very epic.
Quite expansive… This poem truly is an epic, as befits the themes. We all struggle with those questions and to find meaning in our journey.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Congratulations on your placing in the Deep Down Poetry contest. We keep popping up in the same cont.. read moreCongratulations on your placing in the Deep Down Poetry contest. We keep popping up in the same contests! :D
What an intriguing muse! I agree that Man as a species is just an occurrence, a creation of chemicals and a mutation of genes. We have created all we hold to be our worth, our place in the universe. We strive to seek answers to the mysteries of life as we know it in the short hours between dawn and dusk. But there was an age before Man, and there will be an age after. So what, indeed, is our purpose? Perhaps it is for every individual to discover. Yours seems to be in poetry. Empty words though our language may be, we create meaning within our own lives, the lives forced upon us, before, as you put it, we "join eternity". An absolutely captivating read. You have a gift for poetry.
So what's the most important thing to say about myself? I guess the overarching aspect of my personality is that I am a scientist, an astrophysicist to be precise. Not that I am touting science.. more..