being with you

When I'm with you

so many feelings spew

you and I almost one and the same

you and I are no game

hopefully you'll be mine

for it is I who loves you fine
now I'll try to do my part

while I let you control my heart

Reviews

[Erin]

I think that you're trying too hard with the rhyming pattern. It doesn't have to rhyme, but it does have to move in order to take me somewhere. What energy you're putting into rhyming words could be used instead to make sure the poem is fluent. Either that, or your "awkward child voice" is still in effect.
PBP

[Sweets]

Great write :)
I loved this :)

[Marie Harrison]

Sweet poem.

[Dark Empress]

Aw, very nicely done :)

[Arya_the_elven_lady]

Aww :D I love it :D

[Caitlynxoxo]

so beautiful, and deep :) your feelings are obvious, and beautifully painted into a poem! Thanks for sharing

xoxo Caitlyn xoxo

[Jazique]

Awe so nice . Well done.

[Short.Nerd]

Nicely done!

[Alicka]

Very good

[Dreamer<3]

Suuuper good!