IS DROOLING A SIN

A humorous poem about drooling, which Homer Simpson can surely attest to.

IS DROOLING A SIN

By R. A. Merritt

Is drooling a sin I wonder of such 

For I commit it way to much 

And if they measured it like some rivers they do 

I'm sure I'd remind them of one they knew 

The long Mississippi or the Big Mo 

Or the one to the east that starts with an O 

Or some overseas like maybe the Nile 

Or the one in Brazil teeming and wild 

The one with natives with few clothes on 

The longest of all the Amazon 

Or maybe the Thames or the beautiful Rhine 

I'm sure I could fill them all in time 

But no fish could survive not nary a bit 

For all my rivers would be made of spit 

And no one would dare go in for a swim 

Or even close to the river's rim 

For a river of spit is a disgusting thing 

No stories of them would any do sing 

No stories of gamblers or kids on a raft 

None by Twain to garner a laugh 

Yes no one would ever go down to the shore 

For a river of spit is one to abhor 

But each morning when I open my eyes 

I find one's there and it's no surprise 

And I sometimes wonder I sometimes weep 

Do others drool like this when they sleep 

And is it peculiar to those down south 

To have a river come from their mouth 

For slobbering so is a thing to dread 

Yet each morning when I wake it covers my bed 

And if it's a sin I know without fail 

I'll spend my eternity in the depths of hell 

And if I do I must aspire 

To use it for good to put out the fire 

And perhaps God will be nice perhaps be kind 

Show me some love give me a sign 

Perhaps then he'll show me a way 

Up into heaven and allow me to stay 

And no more will I be bothered not bothered a bit 

About my drooling about my spit 

No more will they talk no more can they say 

"That fellow there drools a rive a day!"