THE LAST SLICE OF BREAD

A warning from his wife

1

Charlene walked in through the door from the garage that led into the kitchen just in time to warn him as he leaned on the island that stood in the kitchen.  He had been there for ten minutes now sniffling, but well on him way to recover from a recent bout of some bronchial infection with the added nuisance of a runny nose, smoothly finishing up spreading mayonnaise onto the slice of bread on the plate before him and then had delicately placed two thick slices of bologna onto top of the creamy white condiment.  

He then picked up the plastic yellow mustard dispenser and began to make circles onto the meat.  Afterward came a big hunk of sharp cheddar cheese and subsequently he reached for the last piece of "Sunshine Bread" just down from him on the counter.  It was the end piece of course the white given up to the brown of the grain on one side of it.  

His renewed appetite was an indication to him he was on the mend.  He'd made a pot of hot coffee and always savored a strong cup when consuming such unhealthy fare.  It was comfort food and a treat he sometimes gave himself when it was so cold outside.  A hearty sandwich a hot cup of coffee, a big bowl of chicken noodle soup, and a tall glass of 2 percent fat milk was the most potent ambition driving him at the moment.  He supposed the healthy milk and soup would somehow even out the cholesterol inducing meat and cheese he was about to consume.  

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He had the indulgence well planned out as his wife parked the car in the garage just beyond the side door.  It was when he had the plastic bag in his hand that she intervened.  She saw him reaching down into the bag and extracting what she instantly realized was the last slice of bread in the bag. She quickly removed her thick coat moving froward as she did so.  Her heels clapped across the bright wooden floor that gleamed with a recent wax.  

"Don't eat that!" she near shouted.

His attention had gone across the room when he heard her enter.  "What?" he asked.  

"Don't eat that--it's the last one isn't it--the last slice of bread?" she said.  

He gave her an exasperated look.  "And why not?" he asked incredulous.  

"It's bad luck--it's bad luck to eat the last slice of bread." she answered as she moved into the living room intent to go into the bed room and hang her coat into the closet.  

"Says who?" he laughed continuing the task of constructing the sandwich.  "My mama--she would never let anyone eat the last slice of bread in the bag." she said as she continued on her way to the bedroom.  

Done he followed in her wake and standing at the open door of the room and watching her had a mirthful look on his face said.  "That's a new one on me."

"New what?" she said as she put the coat on the wooden hanger.  

"Old wives tale--urban legend, or however you wish to describe it." he said.  

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"I never heard my mother mention it in that context." she said the task done and closing the closet door.  He smiled.

"Oh so it's something she came up with on her own?" he said.  

He removed himself from the frame of the door as she set about removing her blouse and skirt to make herself more comfortable in the confines of their home.  "No--she came to that conclusion on her own based on experience." she called as she retrieved her lounging clothes a pair of jeans and a soft print pullover.  "Ridiculous--and what experience might that be?" he called back to her as he made it back into the kitchen.  

He found the can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup in the kitchen cabinet and once he removed the lid of the can with the pull tab poured it into the bowl he had retrieved from the section of the cabinet where they kept the dishes.  He took the bowl of soup and placed it onto a plate, which he was going to use to convey the soup into his den once he had heated it in the microwave oven.  

"How come I've never heard you mention this little caution before in all the years we've been together--I should think at sometime you would have in that I'm quite certain I've eaten the last slice before?" he said.  

"Because there's never been any need until now dear--it's just that I forgot to do what I usually do." she said as she exited the bedroom and within moments rejoined him in the kitchen.  

"And no you've never eaten the last slice before." she said.  

He punched in three minutes on the microwave and straightening up had a smile on his face.  

"Oh but I have honey, I've ate end slices plenty of times.  As a matter of fact I have a particular preference for end slices.  I think I like them because they have more substance you know like those rolls you get in delis or a Subway."

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She smiled herself.  "You never ate the last end slice--you may have ate the first one at the front of the loaf, but until now I never left the last end slice for you to eat.  I never left the last end slice for you or the children before they grew up and moved on to start their own lives." she said with equal mirth.  

He laughed aloud then.  "Oh yeah, how did you manage to do that?" he said giving her a sidelong glance as he monitored the timer on the microwave.  As he did this she went to the kitchen island and removed the end slice from atop his sandwich.  

"10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1." he called off the last seconds of the microwave like he was a spokesman for NASA detailing the last moments of one of the Apollo mission before take off he recalled watching when he was a kid and the country was on its quest to beat the Russians to the ultimate goal of being the first of the Cold War super powers to land a man on the moon.  

"Ignition, liftoff." he said once the microwave started dinging to let him know the soup was sufficiently heated.  

He removed the bowl and sat it atop the appliance to let it cool for a moment.  it was boiling the bubbles coming to the surface dissipating like the lava of a dormant volcano brought to life.  But this was accomplished not by a disturbance beneath the crust of the earth's surface, but rather by the constant bombardment of the liquid with the invisible but potent microwaves generating heat.  

"Because until I brought that loaf every time I went to the grocery store and purchased some bread after I got home I would 

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remove the last piece and throw it away before you or any of the kids, or even myself would be tempted to eat it." she said then holding up the piece of bread that was to serve as the top cover of his sandwich.  

"Hey what are you doing?" he asked as she held it up like it was the corpse of some dead vermin she'd captured in a trap.  

"I'm getting rid of it like mama said I should." she said opening the small closet where the garbage pale was.  

"Hey  don't do that!" he said with a hint of anger as he took the bowl of soup into the den where he intended to consume the fare while watching some television.  He sat it on the TV tray in there in front of the large wide screen set that was mounted on the far wall of the den.  

Looking into the closet she saw the empty garbage pale sans a plastic bag fitted inside of it to hold the debris of finished dishes.  She sighed realizing then they were out of the plastic garbage bags.  Turning around she went across the room still holding the slice of bread as if it was still a dead rodent.  She now fetched a small plate from the cabinet and laid the wheat torso onto it.  

He now had returned to the kitchen to complete the meal by getting the coffee, and glass of cold milk to wash down the food.  Seeing the lonely end slice on the small plate he said.  "Well I'm glad to see you've come to your senses." he removed it and once more put it atop his sandwich.  

She put her hands on her hips.  "Please Larry don't eat that--I didn't throw it away because there are no plastic bags for the garbage pale.  But I still I don't want you to eat it.  Take it out and throw it in the can." she said.  

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"Charlene the can is full--the freaking lid won't even completely close and the trash man isn't due until tomorrow." he told her.  

"Alright then, I'll run to the store after I take my nap and will fetch home some plastic bags.  Meantime just leave it on the shelf in the fridge.  After I get the bags and put one in the pale I'll throw it away then." she said once more taking the cover of his sandwich back to the small plate and removing it to the refrigerator.  

"This is foolish." he insisted.  

"No it's not, my mama wouldn't have warned me about it if she didn't have a good reason to do so." she said her voice rising.  

She pulled open the door of the refrigerator and sat the plate on the metal grill of the top shelf among the other items in there.  

"Promise me you won't eat it?" she said now.  

"Okay, okay, Charlene I promise you I won't.  Now please would you hand me the milk container?" he asked.  Relieved by his promise she in turn retrieved the plastic container of milk and handed it to him.  

He took it from her and after gathering a glass poured it full of the liquid.  

"Look I'm going to take a nap before supper.  Once I wake up I'll go to the store and get a few things including some bags for the garbage pale.  Then I'll make us a decent meal--you shouldn't be eating all that meat and cheese anyway--it's chock full of cholesterol." she said with the attitude of a mother rather than a spouse.  

"I'm hungry baby--I haven't had an appetite for days now with this damn bug." he said with a voice reminiscent of a child that had been addressed by his mother.  

"I know--and I'm glad you're getting your appetite back.  Just don't spoil it for supper." she said then turning away prepared to go to the bedroom and take her nap.  

7

He was at the coffee pot now pouring himself a cup of java.

As she retreated further into the abode he drew her attention to

him once more.  "Charlene tell me something will you?" he asked.  She turned about."What honey?" she asked.  

"What did you mean when you said after you bought bread you would get rid of the last slice of bread?" he asked his face reflecting his curiosity.  

"Oh I'd remove all of the slices from the bag and once I got hold of the last piece I'd throw it away." she said.  

He laughed quite loud with that statement.  

"And then you'd put all the rest of the bread back into the bag?" he said.  "Yeah sure, I'd put it back and then put the twist tie back on it." she said.  

"Honey then all you did was make a new last slice.  The piece of bread that was once the next to last piece simply became the new last piece, that is if you put the slices back in, in the same order." he informed her.  

"Yes I put them back in the same order, and in a sense you're right the next to the last slice became the last slice." she said.  

"Then what's the difference?  Why isn't it bad luck to eat that slice for after all it is then the last one?" he said hoping that pointing out the paradox of her position would have some influence on her silly caveat not to eat the last slice. "Well because it really isn't the last one.  That slice in the fridge and the ones I would throw away were intended to be the last slice in the loaf." she informed him.

He laughed even louder now.  "Charlene do you know how utterly 

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silly that sounds?" he asked as he stirred a spoon of sugar into the coffee.  Once more with her hands on her hips now and a hint of anger in her voice.  "Are you calling my mother silly?" she asked. 

"No." he said gathering up the milk and coffee and taking them into the den and placing them on the tray with the cooling soup.  

"It sure sounded like you were." she called after him.  

He returned to the kitchen and seeing she had removed herself to the bedroom proceeded there and once more stood in the frame of the door.  She was prone on the mattress now her eyes closed.  "Don't get in a huff I didn't mean your mom was silly.  All I mean is it's kind of an odd thing to tell someone not to eat the last slice of bread in a loaf.  It's superstition and I've never known you or your mom for that matter to be superstitious." he said his hands out in a gesture of contrition and at the same time an appeal to what he felt was common sense.  

She opened her eyes and looked at her husband.  

"I understand what you're saying Larry.  Just indulge me this one time will you--please don't eat that slice of bread or any from any loaf I buy in the future?" she asked.  

He shrugged.  "Okay baby, we don't need to argue over it.  But what you're telling me to do is a waste of food and money if we look at it honestly.  And didn't your mama also tell you to not waste food because of all the hungry people in the Third World?" he said further appealing to common sense.  She sat up then.  "I understand that, but I don't think she would have told me that without good reason.  Please Larry just this one time will you listen to me?" she said her frustration growing.  

"That isn't fair Charlene--I listen to you all the time.  Name me any time I've ever dismissed anything out of hand you've told me?" he said.  But he didn't wait for a reply instead leaving  

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in a huff as she read it.  

"Just don't eat that last slice of bread." she called after him.  

"Okay--okay, but at least give me the reason why I shouldn't?" he said over his shoulder as he moved into the kitchen.  

"Well she never really told me--she just simply ingrained into me that I shouldn't ever do it." she said.  

"Well I repeat that's silly--you caution me not to do something without giving me a good reason why." he insisted.  

He fetched the partially made sandwich and made his way to the den and took a seat in his chair before the television tray.  Settled in he looked at the meal he'd prepared and now thought that his appetite was diminishing.  He stared at the dark television screen and smirked.  "Damn it..." he said.  "...that is a terrible waste of money and food." he complained to himself.  

He grabbed up the remote and powered on the television.  Don't eat the last slice of bread. "That's really is the silliest thing I've ever heard." he said to himself as the television screen came alight with a news program.  

As Charlene lay on the bed she found it difficult to go to sleep.  She hated to have any kind of spat with Larry she so loved him.  He was a good husband in every respect and she couldn't help but admit that his objection to not consuming the last slice of bread in the loaf was warranted.  She'd never really gone into detail with her mother about why she had given her that warning so long ago she couldn't remember exactly when it was.  

She was a young girl when she'd heard it and from then on 

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had simply heeded it as if it was gospel.  She had even passed on that advice to the children before they left home.  Whether or not they had taken it was unclear and she had never inquired of them as to it either.  

By now Larry was well into consuming his meal.  He slurped the soup with his spoon and then decided to take a bite of the naked sandwich.  It looked quite daunting with the meat and slab of cheese the bit of mustard and mayo he'd adorned it with.  That'll be all messy, he thought as he took the measure of it.  "Screw this." he said.  I'll just tiptoe into the kitchen and get that other slice of bread.  "I'm going to get it and eat this thing like a real sandwich.  I'll do the Earl of Sandwich proud." he told himself with a laugh.  

Charlene was sitting up on the side of her bed now.  Her mind was racing with questions and especially the question as to why her mother had always warned her and her siblings not to ever eat the last slice of bread in a loaf.  That's a damn good question, she thought.   Reaching over to the small stand on that side of the bed she picked up her cell phone.  She pulled up the cover of it and after powering it up dialed her mother's number.  After several moments she heard her mother's voice on the other end of the line.  

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"Hello?" said her mother.  

"Mom it's Charlene." she said.  

"Hello dear how are you--how's Larry doing--is he getting over that bug he has?" she asked.  

"I'm fine mom and Larry's coming along well.  In fact he's getting his appetite back and that's the reason I'm calling you as a matter of fact." she began.  

"Oh really, why might that be dear?" she asked.  

"Well mom when I came home Larry was making himself a sandwich and he'd gotten down to the last slice of bread.  Well I told him not to eat the last slice like you always cautioned us.  But Larry honestly thinks that's silly and frankly a waste." she said.  

"Oh no dear that it is not--it is in fact a good rule of thumb.  I hope you convinced him not to eat it.  I hope you threw it away like I always did." her mother said with great conviction.  

"Well not yet--we're out of bags for the garbage pale and the outside can is full.  But not to worry I got it in the fridge to throw away after we get some bags." Charlene assured her.  

"Good, but don't you let him sneak back in there and eat it." her mother said with something akin to urgency.  

"Oh mom he wouldn't do that.  He assured me he wouldn't.  But to be honest mom you never told me the reason you were so adamant that no one ever eat the last slice.  And to be honest with you I'm kind of like Larry in some respects--that it's kind of silly mom--and it is if you look at it honestly is a waste of food." she said.  

"Oh no dear not in the least." said her mother.  

"Well then so tell me why someone shouldn't eat it--you never really gave me an explanation, a clear explanation as to why you shouldn't eat it." Charlene continued.  

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Her conversation over she placed the phone back onto the bed stand.  She had her answer and now was intent to tell Larry the reason behind her mother's proviso to never eat the last slice of bread.  he still might think it was silly but considering what her mother had witnessed it in some way made great sense.  What would you think if you'd experienced what her mother had seen four times?  You'd think there was a good reason behind such a caution.  

She left the bed room and walked with determination through the house.  In the kitchen she halted when she came to where the refrigerator stood. Curious she opened the door and looked inside.  It wasn't there.  All she saw was the small plate she had laid it on.  "Damn it Larry you promised, you promised me you wouldn't eat that slice of bread." she said her temper rising.  She closed the fridge door with some power and rolling her eyes said.  

"You know why mom said not to eat it?" she

called.    

She got no response.  She was frustrated by the silence.  Good grief he couldn't be that mad could he?  

"Well I'll tell you why.  What would you think if you had seen four, got that, four people choking to death after eating a sandwich that had the last slice of bread on it?  I know it still sounds rather ridiculous, but in some way it makes sense." she said now.  

Suddenly she heard the crash of dishes onto the floor of the den.  Good grief did that make him so mad that he threw the damn meal onto the floor in there, she asked herself.  Angry herself she went to the den and went inside.  

What she saw in there haunted her until the day she died.  Larry was on the floor his hands clawing at his throat.  His face was turning blue his body quavering with terror and despair.  She endeavored to pull him up and administer the Heimlich maneuver.  

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She had no idea how long he had been struggling to recover before knocking over the television tray and sending the bowl, plate, coffee cup and milk glass to the sheen of the den's floor.  

She heroically tried to save his life, but all she did was to no avail.  She'd come upon him to late.  At one point in his panic he pulled free from her, but only temporarily before collapsing once more.  Unable to find his cell phone she rushed back to the bed room and retrieved her own phone.  She quickly called the 911 emergency number and summoned an ambulance.  

After the EMTs arrived they used the defibrillator to get his heart beating again.  But in the end that was a futile gesture done simply because the law required they do so just in case a family member felt they hadn't done enough to revive their loved one.  In other words as a defense against any civil suit.  

Larry was brain dead it having in the prior interval been starved of oxygen and no matter that his heart was once more pumping blood to his other organs it was now useless.  It wasn't very effective save but to leave him in a vegetative state.  His brain as stated, the most vital organ within his body was now in permanent stasis never again to function.  

Knowing he would never approve of being left in such a state she and the children agreed that the best thing was to take him off life support.  They pulled the plug and donated his organs.  

The autopsy revealed that it was a piece of cheddar cheese that caused him to choke, but until meeting her own end Charlene was certain that it happened because he had not taken her mother's warning seriously and had foolishly ate the last slice of bread.  She soon returned to her routine of removing the last end slice of bread from every loaf she brought home from the store.  She did so to the end of her very long life.    

 

   

  

 

   

Author's Note

This was an idea born of my wife one day when we were almost out of bread. The last slice was all that was in the bag and my wife told me not to eat it since she thought it was showing signs of mold. From that I thought of this story idea and only composed it the other day while in the midst of boredom.