::You're Doomed::

I see you walking
Down the street
Pretend I dont exist
Youre such a creep

 

 

All the time
We spent together
Erased by greed
Is it lost forever?

 

 

Your new life
You think is so great
I cant wait till it hits the fan
Untwist it, get it straight

 

 

You are doomed by the laws
That only Karma rules
Aint gonna be pretty
No riches or jewels

 

 

So keep actin
Like your Sh** dont stink
I know better
Dontcha think?

 

 

You may have false friends
And tons of fakes who "love" you
But Ive got the truth
A mountain you could never move

 

 

Maybe the day will come
That you realize what you lost
But like everyone else
You cant afford the cost

 

 

Because your life
Will be dark and lonely
At the end of the road
Oh if and only

 

 

You had seen
Beyond your greed
Then you wouldve seen
What you really need

Reviews

[Benjamin L. Weekly]

Looks like a break up poem! The best kind. Though there are two sides to every relationship, the break up poem excels at presenting one point of view as the absolute truth. I think it's a normal expression and can be healthy.

Though there is rhyming, a few stanzas don't rhyme, and the last stanza rhymes seen with itself. It is usually best not to rhyme a word with itself, but as this piece seems to be mostly for expression, its not a big deal.

My favorite metaphor is that the truth is a mountain that cannot be moved.