A letter to my 23-year-old self

I am aware that people usually write letters to their teenage selves. What can I say; I was a care-free teen, with not a single worry in the world. It was my early twenties that got me good. This was when the hangover demons began to sneak in, when I began questioning my life’s choices, and when I cared what everyone else thought of me. Frankly, at 27, I don’t consider myself any wiser, but I’ve definitely learnt a thing or two about what should, and shouldn’t be cared about in the great scheme of things.

Dear 23-year-old self, you skinny SOB, where should I begin?

You know that anxious feeling you get in your gut when you don’t attend a lecture? Ignore it. Just as we were told during our Matric year,  that this stuff won’t matter in the greater scheme of things, so the same applies now. Find a nerd, make friends with them, and steal their notes.

You’re partying every night, and sleeping all day, right? That’s the way it should be. Don’t feel bad about the amount you’re drinking, or sleeping, because one day your old a*s won’t be able to drink as often, and you certainly won’t be able to sleep your hangover off all day.

You know that ‘friend’ of yours whose face you want to smash every time they open their mouth? Get rid of them. As you grow older, the amount of friends you have will come down to handful of people who you genuinely want in your life. Now there’s no need to cut a b***h, but distancing yourself straight away will benefit you in the long run.

Don’t feel obliged to do anything! Just because all of your mates are going out, doesn’t mean you can’t sit on the couch and watch Disney channel instead. Can I get an Amen?

Heartache is not forever. You will feel like your heart has been pulled out of your chest and smashed with a hammer, only to be put back inside of you, broken. This too shall pass, and you’ll discover that your heart was never really broken in the first place; it was just showing you the worst case scenario. You’ll get over it.

Anxiety is not a real thing at your age. Being a 23-year-old with ‘anxiety’ is ridiculous. What could you possibly have to be anxious about? No commitments, no financial woes, a great boyfriend, frankly, if life were any better you would have birds shitting rainbows on your head and you frolic through a field of daisies.

Don’t stay with your boyfriend out of comfort. All that will happen is that you will stick around a lot longer than you should and you’ll end up resenting the poor bloke for doing nothing wrong.

On that note, follow your own advice, not the advice of friends. You never want to make a decision based on what someone else has told you to do; that is something you will regret forever, and cue the anxiety.

And lastly, that Mac Donald’s burger you’re about to hoover for the fourth day in a row… for the love of God, PUT IT DOWN.

Kindest regards from the future, potentially more awesome, you.

xxx