A Minor indescretion

A Pirates life

 They say a gun looks like a cannon, when staring straight into the barrel. Fife thought this one looked like a 4 or 6 pounder, which made him smile despite the situation he was currently in, much his own doing mind you, which made him smile even broader. He almost laughed, the image of 6 pounders being run out the ports, just to fire at one dashing, if slightly promiscuous Pirate. A might bit of overkill he thought.

“What ye be smil’n at Pirate, with death staring you in the face?”

“Death I’ve seen before dear Captain, this is merely a gun”

 Fife thought Captain Arronce a reasonable man, but even a reasonable man, Captain or not, tended to act queer when you tup their teenage daughter, ohh.. but those milky white thighs. He was brought around sharply as the Captain growled like a bear, which actually made Fife laugh out loud, for he had never seen a bear, much less heard what they sounded like when growling. Surprisingly, and Fife truly was surprised at this, Captain Arronce didn’t seem to see the humor in the situation, or that was the interpretation Fife took from the cocking of the pistol. His face was a red as a ripe tomato, and Fife had seen tomatoes, so at least something made sense.

“Today you die Fife, as all Pirates die”

“Not as often as you’d think Captain, nor as often as you’re told.”

 This day really wasn’t going as planned Fife thought, ‘though even when one plans their day, having a pistol pointed at your face by an angry parent isn’t usually in the mix, which is surprising, given the number of times it should have’. This day was just full of surprises, not the least of which was waking to find dear sweet Alice dressed, or not actually, in a cute state of dishabille. The state he ruefully thought, that dear Captain Arronce found them in. Oh, but the night just passed….

 Arronce growled again, growled as any animal you’re familiar with growled, and said, “I’ve killed many men Fife, and not a one I regretted. But none also, I anticipated with such relish. You have taken the virtue of my sweet daughter Alice, a gift she may never regain, and for this you shall die today”

 Fife spoke without thinking, which unfortunately, was more common than he wished, “Your Alice knew more tricks than this Pirate, and more than any two pence lady I’ve met in this life. I don’t think Alice has seen her virtue since she was 12, nor spent time bemoaning its absence.” Though true, he regretted the words as soon as they flew from his lips. The pistol was shaking now, though no more than the Captain, both a bit problematic he thought.

 “Captain, let’s be reasonable in this unreasonable situation. You love your daughter, as , unfortunately, did I. There must be some kind of common ground, some, let’s say…  recompense that would assuage your obvious hurt. It may not bring back your daughters virtue” which has been missing as long as her baby teeth he murmured under his breath, “but surely, a reasonable man such as yourself can see the benefit of monetary recompense, something that could set you and your quite lovely daughter up for life. No one need know of my indiscretions, and surely even a Captain of your stature could do well with a great treasure in his possession”.

 The pistol dropped and wavered for just a moment, before centering again on that small space between Fife’s brilliant blue eyes.

“No money Pirate, can buy the virtue of my daughter”.

“I’m not talking money Captain, I’m talking wealth. Obscene wealth, wealth enough to buy your own island, build a home, buy slaves and outfit your own fleet. Why be Captain to a King, when you can be King of your own island?” Seeing Arronce hadn’t killed him yet, he continued, “Enough wealth you would have suitors lining up as soldiers on a parade ground, to vie for the hand of your, umm… virtuous daughter.”

 Fife closed his eyes then, and waited for the explosion and smoke that would end his life of debauchery and Pirating. Hearing nothing (would he hear anything if he was dead?) he opened one eye, then the other, to see if they saw the same thing. When they did, and it was not a ball of lead hurtling towards his handsome face, he knew that he had once again survived. Now, now it was mere negotiation, and who negotiated better than a Pirate? Better than this Pirate? No one.

“Captain, I have a map..”

Arronce cut him off “All Pirates have a map”

“Ahhh, but thankfully, not all Pirates have the same map. More importantly, no other Pirate has my map.”

“Why is your map different?”

“Because my map is true, it leads to a treasure that I have seen, and only I can return to.”

 Arronce smirked at this, “So then, I kill you, take your map, and find the treasure on my own. Why do I need your filthy Pirate self, why should I let you live?”

“Because with me dead, you would have a beautiful map, but no treasure. The map is just that, a map. It shows the way to many places, but the place it shows for treasure is wrong, only I know the code. Kill me, and you will have but a pretty map to show your friends. Let me live, let me show you the treasure I mentioned, and you will be rich beyond your dreams.”

 Arronce was weakening, but Fife could still sense some resistance. “You have a beautiful daughter Captain (as I had her this night just passed), but is she worth a fortune. Is any daughter worth a fortune?”

Lowering the pistol slightly he said, “lead me to this treasure and your life is yours again”.

 Not surprisingly, neither the Captain nor Fife believed his words. What I have bought this morn is time, and time is all I need. None are as shrewd or as devious as me he mused, none as adept at slithering from the clutches of doom. Aye, he would lead this Captain to a treasure (not his), but who would survive to walk away with it was still up in the air. With time, Fife could do much to assure his survival and the damnation of this impertinent Captain. There were miles of sea to go, and many months of travel. More than one Captain had been killed or lost his life at sea. Now he thought, I wonder where Alice is…..