so what?

poems from my notes app

So what, 

if they think I am not good enough 

“you can’t please everybody” 

says my mother

inside of me there is a black hole 

it can only be fed by validation and praise 

“I know” I tell her

it is a lie

Everything that falls short of success

is a failure

it is a cross to bear, a personal crucifixion 

nothing else is acceptable 

i lie awake at night and dream of how i can win their approval 

only a small part of me knows it will never come 

there is no way, short of tyranny 

that i can have everybody love me 

some part of me will always fall short

but my god, i want to cut that piece off 

let it float free

and bathe in the golden light of adoration. 

So what, 

if they think I am not good enough

perfection is not the be all, end all 

I think. 

Author's Note

june 2017- not sure about this one