the actor

poems from my notes app

I wear a robe of lies and shame, 

beaming at the crowd, begging for their adulation. 

instead of throwing roses, they turn their backs on me. 

i play the role of an actor, 

daughter, sister, friend, confidant. 

with each character i shed my skin

the person at the core left a long time ago, 

or perhaps she was crushed under the weight of a thousand pressures

“you’ll never be good enough”

so she got up and left me to pilot a shell 

i worry that they notice, when i pretend to care 

or when i care too much, internally flinching. 

i suppose that means she’s still there, 

begging for the crowd to come back and tell her she’s beautiful 

and wonderful 

but i get up, 

and i put on todays mask

before it all comes crumbling down. 

Author's Note

june 2017- too raw?? I don't know if I like this one at all.