Pancake Poetry

This is a poem that is meant for young children. I wrote it for my younger sister.

Mr. Sun rose to tell me my day had begun,

So I jumped out of bed, "Today will be so fun!"

Instead of eating leftovers, I made myself some pancakes,

And much to my surprise, I found that silly sounds they make!

They flipped and flopped, and bubbled in the pan.

Taking place of silence, my pancakes formed a band!

I tried to take them somewhere to show them to a friend,

But when I took them off the oven, the song came to an end.

I tried to find a way to share with the whole town

The magic song of pancakes, but I looked and they were brown!

The sizzling had stopped, but they looked oh so delicious.

I ate them without a second thought. Oh, how ridiculous!

Author's Note

Please remember that this is a poem for children. Thank you!

Reviews

[APOORVA]

They flipped and flopped, and bubbled in the pan.
Taking place of silence, my pancakes formed a band!
I tried to take them somewhere to show them to a friend,
WELL SCULPTED LINES, APART FROM EMOTIONS, THE CONSTRUCTION OF THESE LINES ARE IMPECCABLY BEAUTIFUL.
WOW! AN AMAZING WRITE

[Rosie Brooklin]

Thank you so much!

[Devansh Shekhar Shukla]

Rosie, even though I have never tried pancakes(they aren't that common here), I really loved the poem

[Chris]

How you pull it off for a younger child is with a high level of bubbly enthusiasm and exaggerated face and hand movements. A sing-song rhythm will help.

[Gee]

Oooh, with sugar and lemon , luverrrrleeeeeeeee.
Enjoyed this, did your skin 'n'

[Rosie Brooklin]

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[KCthelastboyscout]

We still have the spirit of children trapped in us all.i think so anyways.WONDERFUL

[Rosie Brooklin]

Thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful poem. I liked the positive energy of the words. I make terrible pancakes. Need a gentle hand and patience. Thank you Rosie for sharing the entertaining poetry.
Coyote

[Rosie Brooklin]

Thank you for your kind review!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Rosie.

[Stacy Purvis]

As a lover of pancakes, I'd say this would go great in a children's book right next to an illustration of a fine stack! Adorable! Thank you for sharing!!!

[Rosie Brooklin]

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[William Liston]

This is a nice children's poem. It certainly captures the imaginative innocence of a child and maintains a lighthearted playfulness in its whimsical words and consistent rhyme. I also enjoyed this piece's little moments of alliteration with the phrases like "flipped and flopped" and "silly sounds." From a more technical standpoint, I also enjoyed the attention you pain to punctuation, with the exclamation marks in all the right places.

Since, according to your "about me," you're open to constructive criticism, here are some points to consider:

1. Perhaps this is an optical illusion of some sort, but the first line looks one font size smaller than that of the rest of the poem.

2. For grammatical correctness, I suggest putting commas after the first line, the third line, the fifth line, and the seventh line. Doing so would be grammatically correct and (in my opinion) would aid in the readability.

Hope this was helpful.

- William Liston

[Rosie Brooklin]

Thank you so much for your kind review! I am especially appreciative of your critiques.

read moreThank you so much for your kind review! I am especially appreciative of your critiques.

In response to Critique #1, that is a technical issue I've been having with most of my works. I think that when I copy and paste things over from my writing platform, the highlight mark stays. That's why the first line is different from the rest.

As for #2, I agree, entirely! I'll fix the grammatical errors, promptly.