Late Night Thoughts Of Missing You: it's killing me

A Story by rose jennings

11:37pm

Every single day I fall asleep and wake up to the same question running through my head. Why do I still love you after you crushed me into a million pieces? Why do I want you back? I don't deserve you. I don’t deserve to go back to what hurt me the most, even though I loved you the most. I want to so badly. But I just can't.

Do you ever wish you could go back to that night? To do it all over again? To take back all those hateful words and every single lie that rolled off your tongue? To still be holding me in your arms, instead of not even being able to look at me? Boy I would do anything just to rewind a few weeks.

I catch the tears streaming down my face as I think to myself how could you have not believed me, “the one you loved the most”. How you could have said any of that to me, knowing I was in so much pain. Why did you let me go? Why didn't you stay and try to work things out? All I ask myself is why?

I think what kills me the most is the fact that I love you but I can’t take you back. I've layed here countless nights thinking about how things will never be the same and it f*****g kills me. I feel like every single bone in my body has been broken.

My mom worries. My dad worries. my best friend worries. even my little brother worries. I easily tell them that I'm fine. that I'm better off without you. that I'm not that sad anymore. that i haven't been crying myself to sleep anymore. that I don't sit on the bathroom floor with tears streaming down my face. but I do. And it kills me.

Every night I lose sleep worrying if you’re doing the same. I wonder if you miss me too? If you were as hurt as I was? If you want to apologize but you don't think I'll forgive you or want you back? If you ever want to call me up and tell me how much you miss me as much as I do? If you want to say those three little words again as bad as I do?

~late night thoughts of missing you