Never Regret Letting Go--A Phantom of the Opera Fanfic

'Pitiful creature of darkness.... what sort of life have you known? God give me courage to show you....You are not alone!'

         "Pitiful creature of darkness," she stepped into the lake, full of angelic grace, her tears sliding down her cheeks, free-falling off her face, sliding from her chin like strings of steamy pearls. She was beautiful. Her chocolate eyes were filled with pity.

         "What kind of life have you known?" I had always thought Christine an angel, God's Angel of Music, and it proves true tonight. It proves that she was an angel and I was not. It proves that a creature such as I does not deserve mercy, does not deserve even the slightest bit of heaven's light. It proves that I was, as she put it, a pitiful creature of darkness. Nothing more. I had always thought, through my years of naivety, that I would find compassion, perhaps even redemption somewhere, thought that somewhere, someone would see me, not as a monster to be pitied and feared, but as a person, as an equal, as a man. But even now, even here, she feared and pitied me. Even she whom I held dearest to my heart refuses to see me as a man, but chose to acknowledge me, in her own, very words, as a 'pitiful creature of darkness'.

 

       Christine was closer and closer now, each of her long, thoughtful strides took her nearer than before. The color drained from her cheeks, her face expressionless, her eyes pitying. Her white skirts floated out around her in the lake, and that very moment she looked like a goddess. "God give me courage..." she whispered, pressing her palms against my shoulders, and I realized just how close she was, "To show you..." Her hands pushed against my shoulders as she pulled herself up. Her face was inches away from mine. 

 

      And then she reached out, framing my cheeks with her soft, graceful hands, and the single phrase escaped her lips, the last words she said to me, the words that drove me to the brink of madness, those words that haunted me:

 

 

      "You are not alone."

 

 

          And then she pulled my face down to hers, pressing her lips against mine. I felt tears sliding down my cheeks, mingling with hers, swimming down both of our faces. 

          She kissed me! She kissed me without dying or fainting away! No other human being had ever kissed me before, not even my own Mother. I wanted it to last forever, but the moment ended as quickly as it came. Christine drew back, her eyes were a clear, beautiful brown. And in them, I saw the truth I never wanted to see before: she does not love me, and she could not love me, because she had already given her heart to the Vicomte de Chagney. I glanced his way.

          Anyone who has eyes could see that he is handsome, even dripping wet with a lasso around his neck. He was what any woman would hope for in a husband, a caring gentleman and a faithful lover. He was what I wanted to be, what I envied. I never stood a chance. I've never been more than a teacher, a brother, or a friend to Christine.

          I could do nothing to make her happy, nothing to make her love me. But she would be happy with him. I now see the truth. She loved Raoul de Chagny with as much love as I have for her.

     

           And it was in that single moment of clarity that I suddenly realized what I had to do:

          I had to let go.

 

           Christine would never be happy down here, shut away from the light of day, shut away from her beloved human race, shut away from her beloved Raoul. I had no right to rob her of her happiness, her freedom, her right to heaven. I heard the shouting of the mob distinctly.

"Track down this murderer

He must be found,

Hunt out this animal

Who runs to ground

Too long he's preyed on us

But now we know

The phantom of the opera is there

Deep down below."

 

 

          I had no right to make Christine stay with me, a murderer, a wanted criminal, an animal, a beast. This was the decision. Once I have decided there is no going back.

         

          This is the point of no return.

 

         This was my final attempt at redemption.

 

        "Go," the single word left my lips, and I basked in my own courage, a feeling of glory that I knew whould be stripped from me just a moment later upon learning the pain of rejection once again.

 

        "Take her. Forget me. Forget all of this." And I knew at that moment, that I would never regret my decision, as much as I hated myself for it, as much as I hated her for loving him, as much as I would hurt and grieve later, I would never regret letting them go.

Author's Note

Note for anyone reading this at all: I own nothing. All rights of the Phantom of the opera belong to Andrew Lloyd Webber, GAston Leroux qnd Susan Kay. The lyrics I included in the dialogue and the middle in the poetry form thingy belong to Charles Hart since he wrote it, and of course, Andrew Lloyd Webber. I don't own Erik, Christine or the mob and I don't own the pic either. So, readers, consider this fic disclaimed. :)

Reviews

[Lost in Wonderland]

This was an absolutly beautiful telling of Erik's emotions during that scene. I thought that your take on his character was incredible. Great job! I loved it!

[Susanna F]

Intense - little more than a moment in time, but full of the epitome of the tale's heart - Erik's anguish and redemption. Awesome.

[Eric Cox]

Awesome. Love your Phantom. The Phantom is haunted by darkness but with enough of a heart to let Christine go. Moving and romantic. Nicely done.

[Rose of Gondor]

Oh, yeah, forgot to say. This is in Erik's POV