If Time Travel Were Possible, I'd tell Myself

Hey you,
Yes you,
The unassuming one in the back corner,
The one with the tragic clothes
And the hood
And the wide alarmed eyes staring back at me.
Hey.
I just wanted to let you in
On a little secret.
You won’t understand a thing they’re saying to you,
But the words will hurt all the same.
You won’t feel wanted or loved
Or even like a human being
For a long, long time,
No, you’ll feel like
A monster on its deathbed,
Clutching at its wounds and snarling
At its attackers
And that is what you will be
Because they are cruel in their ignorance,
But with time you’ll come to understand
That they couldn’t have known any better.
You will be the freak,
The clown,
The devil on display,
And you’ll shed your tears alone
And lie to the world and say you’re fine
Because you don’t want anyone to feel
As awful as you,
And your tears will turn to anger
And your anger will turn into hate
Because you had no voice,
And when you finally earn it they’ll strip it away from you
Because they’ll never see you as anymore
Than a frightened little girl.
I hope you’ll find the strength in yourself
To let that hate ebb away
To forgive them for what they’ve done to you
And let the scars scab over.
Don’t let their mistakes clench around the bottom of your heart
And don’t hesitate to call someone your best friend
Even if they won’t say it back.
Don’t be alone
Don’t choose it,
Don’t welcome darkness, your old friend, and hide,
Behind pages and screens and hope
One day a nonexistent person will come to life
And love you as perfectly as a book can.
Don’t pause before speaking, trying to find the perfect words
The perfect words will never come.
Don’t hate yourself because you don’t dress well,
Don’t second guess yourself when you make a choice
Don’t let the sticks and stones break down your trust
Until you’re a pile of white bone
And your heart is made of dust.
I hope you have the sense to know
That all of this will come and go.
You will find someone you can call a friend,
And you will see hate in their eyes and they will walk away from you.
You will find someone you can call a friend,
And they will find themselves mirrored better
In another person.
You will find someone you can call a friend,
And they will leave.
But you’ll do it, over and over.
You'll take someone's hand and you will walk with them
Until your paths diverge.
You will hurt
You will lose
You will fall a million times
And burn a million more.
You'll never be the pretty one
Or the smart one
Or the vibrant one full of life.
You'll never be magical,
And you won't be "the Chosen one"
You'll be plain
Simple
Ordinary
Gray
And maybe that's ok.
There are no heroes
If there aren't ordinary people.
You have to accept
That you aren't special
And you won't ever be,
That you are what you are and that's enough,
That what you are is a handful of stardust
Tossed to chance and wind.
I never said it was easy,
But I'm telling you,
Right here, right now,
That it's worth it.

Author's Note

oh wow, haven't been here forever~ Gonna binge upload haha