Diva

I do so many stupid things, including being a diva and being mean to everyone and getting them into trouble. And I hate it.

Sometimes I’m so, so stupid. I can be such a diva, only I don’t really know if I’m simply acting like a diva for the sake of it, or if I’m really feeling those emotions. Some say I’m sensitive, the others say I’m melodramatic. I don’t like it when I do this sort of thing. It’s like maybe I have to do something to spice up my life and make it not so boring, but at the same time, it’s almost like taking a breath after holding it all in for a long, long time. I never can tell any more.

I doubt the things I do. I don’t know why I do them, and sometimes I feel stupid, because I do things for no reason at all, like that time when I cried on my birthday. I didn’t even know if I was really sad, I guess for some reason my body just wanted to feel miserable, because the tears spilled out before I even had a chance to try to stop it. That got my mom really mad at my dad, and afterwards, I just wished I had never cried at all, wished that they would stop. Except I couldn’t help it. It just happened, like my body wouldn’t shut the waterworks off.

Afterwards, I apologized and tried to explain that I just cried for the heck of it. Of course, nobody believed me, least of all my mom. She thought my dad had been lecturing me about grades again, and that was why I was crying. I kept protesting and trying to tell her no, but she wouldn’t listen. I apologized to my dad, too, for getting him yelled at. I’m not quite sure if he’s forgiven me yet. I certainly haven’t.

The thing is, sometimes I do uncontrollable things. I act on impulse, and believe me, I don’t like it. There are times when I can’t control my mouth, and there are times when I can’t control feelings. I hate it when I cry. I hate it, but I can’t stop.  I just can’t.

So I want to say sorry. To everybody who knows me, my parents, especially, for putting up with this stupid thing I do. I love you all, and owe all I am to you.

Author's Note

......I hate this point of myself. I hate it.

Reviews

[Professor Xeronian]

I agree. I prefer never to let them show at all, as I'm rather sure many people do. It's like a turtle going out one day without his protective shell of indifference, and leaving his emotions exposed to the chill air.

[Rose of Gondor]

hi. ;D Yeah it's like my emotions are on a different frequency than everybody else's and different things set me off. I have nothing against showing emotions in particular--I think it's something very very human. it's just when those emotions get people in trouble that I get worried.

[Professor Xeronian]

I also find it weird how seemingly random things get me all cracked up (not in the funny way). So far it's having people steal from me, but people lying to me tend to get me VERY annoyed.

[Rose of Gondor]

.....whoa there. People STEAL from you?
lol yeah I get the whole lying thing. It sucks.

[Professor Xeronian]

Yeah someone stole my pencil from me in 5th grade, I nearly cried. And denied it and lied it to my face. I:

[Rose of Gondor]

pffft. Idiots. Yeah I know. That sucks.

[Pax]

I feel you Ms. Rose... sometimes i do act on impulse...it’s the one of the most unavoidable human emotion… sorry is enough for everyone...so it's gonna be ok..

[Rose of Gondor]

I hope sorry is enough.....*sigh*

[Pax]

i Know sometimes it isn't enough...sometimes you need to work on...on something to earn their forgiveness... for me that's what i do..