You're Beautiful

 

That Tuesday afternoon we meaning Ben, Alex, Dex, Sadie, Morgan, and I went into our bar from the cold. We had just finished a movie showing at the old theater. It was bone chilling outside and we were grateful for the warmth of our bar.

                “Hey guys,” called Johnny, he seemed to be feeling better, “What can I get you guys?”

                “Favoring the word guys today are we,” I wanted to barf because it sounded like she was trying to be flirtatious.

                “Ha, like he could dig up anymore words in that pee sized brain of his,” Dex whispered toward Morgan and the rest of us. Morgan smacked the back of his head with the rather large old book she had in her hand.

                “Heeeeey. I want a cheeseburger and a Dr. P.” I said playfully trying to lighten the mood.

                “Oh! Get me a coke and a hamburger,” sighed Sadie fingering a napkin then she pointed to Alex, “and he’ll take a cheeseburger and a water.”

                “Glass of water,” Morgan winked at Johnny and he smiled back.”

                “Ha. Don’t run him off again,” whispered Dex toward Morgan again.

                “Hey, I’ll take a cheeseburger too and a sweet tea,” said Ben. Johnny wrote it all down and then looked at Viki who was reading a menu intensely. The rest of us hadn’t needed a menu for five years now. After a while she looked up and found we were all staring at her.

                “I’ll take the same as Ben,” she said quickly. Johnny raised his eyebrows then sighed off to the kitchen. All but Ben and Alex gave a little chuckle about Viki’s faux pas. We went on chatting for a while. There was a ding from the bell over the door and a dark figure made his way to the back of the room, or was it our table. Before anyone noticed him he was standing at the open end of our booth.

                “Ray, can I talk to you?” it was Fox. Everyone at the table gave him a dirty look except Viki who stared at Fox and the rest with a clueless look trying desperately to figure out what was going on.

                “Um… what about?” I was getting scared with the way he stared at me.

                “Well… it’s private. Come on let’s go over to this other booth over here,” he pointed toward a booth over on another wall were my friends could see us but wouldn’t be able to hear us. Despite Ben’s protests I followed Fox over to the booth. We sat down and Johnny came over to get Fox’s order.

                “Coffee,” he didn’t even look up to say it. Johnny walked away confused looking at me curiously. I shrugged. Fox pulled out a cigarette and lit up. It brought up old memories and it made me sick.

                “Just so you know I came to discus Wolfey,” he sighed and frowned.

                “Oh,” was all I could say. Over the past weeks I’d heard nothing about Wolfey; he’d almost escaped my mind completely, almost.

                “I’m not going to lie, he’s not doing good. His sentencing isn’t for a while but when they do get around to him he’s screwed.” All the while he stared at the table. I was stunned, somehow I’d never managed to wrap my head around what had happened to Wolfey.

                “He’s really not doing good. I think he’s going crazy without…” he trailed off and looked to the front of the room.

                “Well he should have given up smoking and drinking when he had the chance,” I said matter of fackly.

                “It’s not that Ray, it’s not any of that,” he sighed and refused to look at me.

                “Not the drugs or alcohol?” I questioned, “then what is it, the lack of women?” What else could there be.

                “No, none of that. He… well he misses…” he looked over to Ben and then at me with sad eyes.

                “Me!” I said flabbergasted, “what does he want with me he’s in prison. He almost raped me! How can he still think of me!” I couldn’t comprehend what that boy had with me.

                “He doesn’t smoke anymore you know, and he doesn’t drink much.” He looked sadly back to the front.

                “What?!” I whispered urgently. Fox cracked a wide smile.

                “He refused to come right out and tell you but ever since he met you he’s been calming down little by little. Why if you could see the way he used to be before you came you’d be stunned at the difference.” I couldn’t believe him. Who on earth was worse than Wolfey now? The one that’d almost raped me that night.

                “Why didn’t he say something?” I was the one looking down now. Fox stared at my guilt stained face.

                “Because he didn’t want you to worry, he… he didn’t want you to know what he was, what he still kind of is.” He leaned back because Johnny had come with his coffee and my drink.

                “So? Why are you telling me all this?” I was outraged. Why did Fox just have to trot in and ruin all the peace I’d had with Wolfey locked up?

                “Look, me and Wolfey have been friends since we were twelve in grade school. I really hate watching him suffer like this so I’m doing everything I can to make what might be the last days of his life as easy as possible.” His words came pouring out and I could see that if these three boys cared about anything in this world it was each other and maybe me.

                “Oh,” I was confused now, part of me thought Wolfey deserved it and then the other part of me wanted to run to him and kiss him hard, “have you visited him then?”

                “Yeah, all the time. You know he asked for a bible the other day? I never thought of him as a bible kind of guy even when he’s almost guaranteed to die.” I found I couldn’t talk. The poor boy was going to die and it was my fault. I put my head down on the table.

                “Go see him,” he whispered, “he told me to ask you.”

                “And what if I don’t” I knew Ben would never let me.

                “If you don’t want to go he told me to tell you that he… he loves you very much” there was an actual tear going down his cheek, “he’s going crazy Ray. He needs you.” I couldn’t help but cry to now. Fox got up to come sit beside me and put his arm around my shoulder so I cried into his shirt.

                “Give her to me,” I heard Ben say softly. Fox lifted me and leaned me on Ben. We walked toward the door. I didn’t know where Viki was neither did I care. I didn’t look back to see if my friends were watching or even to see if Fox was leaving behind us. We took a taxi back home and there was Viki on Ben’s other arm looking positively outraged. We got home and Ben helped me into bed with Viki standing in the door way. I fell asleep imagining all the horrors Wolfey would be facing, now and in the future. I woke up and it was Wednesday, only today and tomorrow and then it was Christmas! For me Christmas would have to wait though because I had other issues on my mind. Should I go see Wolfey or not? Would Ben even let me if I wanted to? I went downstairs at about nine in the morning to find a note on the fridge that said Ben and Viki had gone to do some last minute shopping. I sighed and crumpled the note and slam duncked it into the trash can. Today I decided to go with waffles for breakfast. I poured chocolate chips all over my egos and stuck them in the toaster oven. Just then my cell vibrated violently on the counter where I’d left it charging, it was Sadie.

                “Hey Sadie what’s up?” I yawned into the phone.

                “Oh my gosh! Did she tell you?” she screamed into the phone.

                “Calm down. She who?” I asked calmly.

                “Oh my gosh! Morgan! She asked Johnny to the New Years Eve party! Can you believe it?! Our little Morgan!” she talked so fast I had to get her to calm down before she hyperventilated.

                “Well… that’s… shocking,” she had a date and I hadn’t even picked up my dress yet. No matter both issues would be solved soon enough.

                “You don’t sound that excited, it’s her first date you know. And yet he’s not over interested in her but still maybe they have a chance.” She rambled on for a minute then paused.

                “Yes very good,” I said unenthused fiddling with a knob on the toaster.

                “Hey is this about what Fox took you aside for yesterday?” she was quite concerned now.

                “Yeah,” I tried my best to keep the tears out of my voice but it didn’t work.

                “Tell me about it.” She said simply. So I did, I told her about what happened to Wolfey and what was going to happen to him, and then I told her what Fox had asked me.

                “You’re not seriously thinking about going are you?” she exclaimed.

                “Yeah, I still almost love him! Don’t ask me how,” I was starting to get tired of this pointless love the two of us shared.

                “How?” she still asked.

                “I told you not to ask! And I don’t know.” I wanted to go to the couch and watch cartoons and forget all about this mess.

                “Ben will never let you go,” she pointed out mater of factly.

                “I know, don’t clutter the issue with facts.” It seemed like I needed to say more but there was nothing else to say.

                “Oh Izzy I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

                “Look I didn’t say it was a good idea, I haven’t made a decision, and I don’t want to discuss it right now ok?” I just wasn’t ready to talk about Wolfey yet, I needed to get my thoughts in order.

                “Fine let’s talk about Morgan and her date,” she said excitedly as if we’d never mentioned the name Wolfey. She started talking about random things and how she thought Morgan would do. Eventually I told her I had to work on a report one time when she paused for breath. I ran over to the couch and plunged myself face first into the cushions. I would ask Ben that night and we would go together tomorrow so my thoughts wouldn’t be tainted over Christmas. They got home at around three in the afternoon with bags of who knows what, I didn’t care. I was still watching pointless TV in my pj’s. He came over to give me a kiss on the forehead then he and Viki sat down on the couch beside me. I didn’t stay there for one minute with those two so I ran upstairs to my room. I went down for dinner around five o’clock. We were sitting at the table. She sat where I would normally sit and Ben sat across from her and then I sat in the middle. I thought about it and then I just threw it out.

                “Ben I want to go see Wolfey.” I said simply. Ben froze and Viki followed suit.

                “Izzy I don’t think…” he sighed.

                “Please Ben. He’s locked up! He can’t do squat and you can stand right there beside me,” I pleaded with him.

                “Izzy…” he started again.

                “What’s this about?” budded in Viki.

                “I’ll explain later, Izzy…” poor boy could never finish a sentence.

                “No! You have no right to tell her. She has no right to demand you to. And you have no right to tell me what to do! I’m going to go weather you come or not!” I ran to my room at that point.

                “Izzy…” again he was unable to finish.

                “Ben what is she talking about! What’s going on! Who’s locked up?” she blocked him off and kept him from running up to get me. I didn’t care what he said I was going whether or not he was going to come with. It was midnight when a faint knock on my door woke me up.

                “Can I come in?” asked Ben’s muffled voice from behind my closed door.

                “Come on,” I said sitting up. He opened the door wide and came in. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked me in the eyes.

                “We’ll go see him tomorrow I guess there’s no harm in that,” he sighed.

                “Um… ok,” I yawned. He got up then to walk out the room but paused at the door and looked back at me.

                “I… I love you,” he whispered.

                “I love you to,” I said tiredly. When he left I finally realized the significance of what he just said. I fell asleep thinking of him saying it over and over again in different ways and places. That morning we decided to go see Wolfey in jail at around one o’clock, after lunch. It was snowing that Thursday as we walked. I was wearing a blue jeans and a loose red shirt with a thick winter jacket over everything; Ben was wearing khakis, a white dress shirt, and a leather jacket. Thank goodness Viki had to be with her family today so we wouldn’t have her nosy a*s on this quest. We got there and we found our way to the place where they let you talk to prisoners through clear glass and telephones. I sat down in the single seat in front of the glass and Ben stood behind me with his hand on my shoulder. It took awhile but eventually he made his way to his seat. His orange jumpsuit top dangled around his waist to reveal his white T. I’ll admit he looked hot, that T showed off his ripped chest. His face was shaven though, somehow and his hair was just as long. He kept his head low and only looked at the cuffs around his hands. I felt so sorry for him; he looked so pitiful. He couldn’t even look up. I stood slightly and put my palm on the glass. He still didn’t respond. I knocked twice with my other hand. He looked up slowly and then when he realized it was me his eyes got real wide, his mouth opened slightly.  It took him a second but he slowly reached out to the phone. Then he put his hand on mine with the glass in between us. There on his wrist was the tattoo of woman; she had the wings of a raven, feathered pointy ears, black hair, and barely any cloths on; she looked like me. I could see Ben pursing his lips behind me. Wolfey saw where I was looking and switched his hand so its back was to me. I grabbed the phone with both hands, I looked down at the table then and tried to blink away the tears.

                “Hey,” he whispered.

                “Hi,” was all I could say. Minutes passed and all he did was look pitiful.

                “I’m so so sorry Ray. I… didn’t want that to happen, I just lost it I guess.” He whispered.

                “That can be your new catchphrase, I guess.” It was getting hard to listen to him say sorry over and over but nothing changes.

                “I mean it,” he cried into the phone and a tear fell down his face, “I’m so sorry.” He began to sob into his arm.

                “How can you do this, just say you’re sorry every time you do something bad and expect me to come running back?” I started to scream into the phone.

                “No! I don’t want you to run back anymore. I know I come after you but Ray I need you to leave or I won’t be able to stop myself from staining your beautiful soul,” he sobbed into the receiver some more. I watched him for a good three minutes.

                “Fine,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to say it but Ben’s hand on my shoulder somehow got me through it, “Wolfey,” he looked up and I could see the red where he’d been crying, “I’m going to leave and I never want to see your cheating dirty face again!” I got louder throughout the sentence and then got up at the end.

                “Wait Ray wait! One more thing! Just one more thing, please,” he screamed into the phone and stood up to press his face against the glass. I couldn’t help it, he only needed one more thing.

                “I need to know,” he paused.

                “Yes?” Ben was already half way to the door and I didn’t even bother to sit.

                “I need to know your name,” he whispered. The look of desperation in his wet eyes was unbearable.

                “You know I can’t do that,” I was starting to tear up. Ben came up behind me, listening to what we were saying.

                “Please,” he was so pitiful. It looked like someone was physically hurting him.

                “Wolfey I can’t,” I whimpered into the phone.

                “What’s he want,” whispered Ben into my ear.

                “He wants to know my real name,” I said as Wolfey continued to sob. Ben tried to drag me out but I resisted.

                “Wolfey…” I started.

                “My name is Thomas McClain.” He stated calmly staring straight at me. I couldn’t believe he had just done that. It was obviously a fake. The only people that knew Wolfey’s birth name were Wolfey and his mother, who was dead. As impossible as that seemed it was the truth. I was frozen as he stared with the now piercing grey eyes through the glass seeming to pierce my soul. I looked away and Ben took that as a chance to drag me away; I was so stunned that I couldn’t resist. Now even through the sound proof walls we could hear Wolfey thumping against the walls. I caught sight of him leaning over another prisoner in the last window looking at me frantically just before one of the guards dragged him back to where I couldn’t see his dirty face again. I think I’d rather of gone out thinking of Wolfey as the dirty playboy I’d known him as. Now I was stuck with that nightmarish face in my head for the rest of my life.

Reviews

[Dylan I. Cree]

Well crap. This is so grabbing. I can't seem to stop reading.