Meeting and Marrying Crazy

how I met this fool

I remember it so well. It was 17 years ago. I was in church. I met this, what I thought at the moment, handsome, beautiful smiling man who appeared to be "Christ like".

At the time, I was divorced and had two young beautiful boys who depended on me for everything. Their dad left and never kept in contact with them. He even had the nerve offer to give them up for adoption and give up the rights as a parent. What an a*s!!! That's because he did not want the responsibility of parenting or child support. 

So getting back to the fool I married. I met him  in church and we started to get to know each other. I introduced him to my boys, who at the time thought he was a great match for me. The youngest commented to me one day, "he would make a great dad". I was not really interested in him. I only liked him like a brother a friend. 

The more we kept talking the more I started to see him as more than a friend. He was kind, he was extremely great with my boys. To me that was the most important thing, because if a man likes you and you have kids, he has to take on the entire package. This is something he demonstrated to me all the time. 

Finally, the day came when our friendship became the talk of the church. A good friend and sister in my church pull me aside and told me; "are you sure you want this man in your life and with your kids?" "He is a recovering addict, he has been in and out of church all of his life. He does not know how to read or write. He can barely write his own name". She went on and on. The pastor even took me aside and said how he suspected that this man had HIV. To be careful and that he will only go back to drugs and hurt me and my children. 

Of course, you know what I did? I married the fool anyway. 

For the past 17 years I have suffered the embarrassment of his drug addicted behavior, his constant money stealing, his lying, everything that comes with being married to an addict. 

Thank God my oldest now are free from this behavior and life. They sing and many of their songs are about their experience with this fool and more importantly how they overcame their past and their depressive states of mind from years of verbal abuse. 

My story continues. because I am still unfortunately married to this fool. His addiction continues, because now it's no longer heroine, now it's methadone. From one addiction to another. According to him, its getting better. Sure it is, now he is over weight, lost most of his teeth, has no sexual appetite and most of the time he is nodding off, spaced out and forgetful. 

Someday I will write the story of my freedom, my freedom from this life with this foolish man, my life of independence and success. I want to someday write about this and have someone publish it and maybe make a movie. Staring Kevin Hart in the role of this foolish husband of mine. It would be funny but at he same time it would speak to many women out there, like me who are foolish enough to still stay with these addicts because they somehow they still hang on to some hope of change. 

I have been lately losing his hope. Things continue to look the same if not worse. I honestly thought that at this stage in my life sex would be more often, I mean there is no fear of pregnancy anymore. But no, no sex at all. No hope either. The only thing I have going for me right now a shower massage as a sexual stimulant for some organism and sexual fantasies.