The Sky Seems Better Than Life

...When life was almost too much for me to handle

I'm standing over by the edge, and I have nowhere left to run.
I wish I could say I'm gunning for you, but rather find myself using the gun,
On myself, towards my head.
Pull the trigger, yet I'm not dead.
Towards the pressure I build on my own.
Layer upon layer I become hard as stone.
I'm all alone...

I'm on the run and scared as hell.
Don't say it's all right, because who can really tell?
My hands turn red from frost.
My soul sinks because I am lost .
From the decisions I've already made,
And trade it for a better one, before it cascades or fades away...

A search into the internet for painless death and find,
Advice saying to me, "Don't do it!" but, sadly slide it out my mind.
Changes into something that I couldn't see me be.
I think that I can do it,
But deep down I don't believe.
A hollow point inside my life, I don't think that I can fill.
Lack of motivation,
And determination holds no will...

Blindness in self-consumption,
With assumptions always conceived.
You're a flower. You are beautiful.
My mind will alter and deceive.
Nothing and just worthless - taking air that should be yours.
A life that's like a hallway with all these dead end doors...

This was my last option, or just to say the least.
A memory into my past that brings up self-defeat.
Wake into the sunlight,
When everything's all bright.
But I might,
Try to bury my past under more pain.
Stop. And sing it once again.

Is a pathway towards cowardice more alluring when you find,
Life's not worth living when there are demons in your mind.
I'm always on the grind,
With rewards not baring an escape.
I'm tied. I'm locked. I'm shackled.
My innocence was raped.

I thank you for your love,
Your relentless thoughtful care.
I'm sorry if I didn't return it,
And how I won't - because I won't be there.
I failed in our promise, one I thought I could forever keep.
But you'll always be in my heart even when I'm 6 feet deep.

I'm so sorry