Beware: No Green Things

A hilarious, crazy story about a maniac monkey.

Beware: No Green Things!

There was a pet shop at the end of Shrewsbury Lane. It was the same as all the other pet shops but for one thing: there were no green things in it. Even the leaves the beetles eat are soaked in food coloring overnight for the sake of it being green. The reason to this, you see, is very simple. There was a monkey in the shop called Mack. Mack was the storeowner’s assistant. He was a very obedient little monkey, but somehow he had taken a great liking to green things. He would go absolutely crazy and can’t control himself if he saw something green. Everyone that went into the shop knew that they had to take off any green things and leave it outside or keep it hidden from Mack’s view. And to make it safer, the storeowner had hung up a huge plaque saying “NO GREEN THINGS”. So accidents didn’t happen- or not often.

 

One day, a fat woman that had just moved in came to buy some dog food. In her right hand she held a crocodile skin handbag, and in her left hand she held an umbrella. She hated advertisements. She thought they were simply a waste of time. She thought the sign was one, so she merely glanced at it and went inside. The storeowner was at the toilet in the shop, and Mack was at the counter, ready to invite customers. “Good morning, can I help you?” said Mack in his usual raspy voice, doing a little bow- and suddenly he caught sight of the green crocodile skin bag.

 

There was a sound like an arrow, and the next thing anyone knew was that Mack was up on the ceiling with the crocodile-skin bag, turning it over and over, his eyes as big as saucers. He was whispering to himself, “It’s green! It’s green!” repeatedly. The woman, so shocked she couldn’t speak, came to her senses finally. She opened her big wide mouth and screamed such a scream that the storeowner forgot to wash his hands and burst out of the toilet. He needn’t ask what’s the matter, for just then up in the ceiling came a series of ooh-ooh-aah-aahs. He looked up �" and there was the monkey with the handbag. “Oh, no.” whispered the storeowner burying his face in his hands. “Oh, no.” “Do something, you monster!” cried the fat woman, hitting him with her umbrella. “Get that filthy monkey down and give me back my handbag! It’s very expensive!” “I can’t!” cried the poor storeowner, wringing his hands. “ He won’t come down!”

 

Now the monkey was just a blur of green and brown bouncing around the shop. All eyes were on him, even the pets’. At last, the storeowner thought up a daring plan. He went into the cellar, and after a while, he reappeared with an enormous green bag. He monkey gave a shriek of delight and threw the bag away. He dove straight towards the big green bag. Then, at the last second, the storeowner threw the bag out of the window. He caught Mack firmly. “My bag!” cried the fat woman, running and picking it up. And you can guess she ran away as fast as her legs could carry her!

 

So next time you go to a pet shop, be sure to notice the “Advertisements”!