Ten things I wish women would realize about themselves and men

1)  Be the chooser, not just the chosen. Choose smart.  Listen to your Inner Kid’s excitement, but choose from your Big Girl intelligence.

 

2)  Fit is all! If it doesn't fit, trying to sandpaper yourself or the guy won't make it fit �" it just skins you both up.

3)  If your internal smoke alarm goes off, do NOT pull the battery out! That inner wisdom is your best friend.

4)  You aren't ready for the Real Thing until you have gotten custody of yourself. (Read "Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It.")  

5)  Become a self-reliant, successful, happy single, available to attract an equally self-reliant man. Otherwise you're dealing from neediness, and you're a sitting target for controllers or emotional babies who want a mommy.

6)  Cultivate personal power.  Establish boundaries, allow temporary disengagement, say “no” to what you don’t want, take responsibility for getting what you do want.

7) Never interpret infatuation, attraction, need, chemistry, and/or good sex as love. It might develop into real, mature love, but it's not there yet.

8)  Know what's essential for you. Wit with great good humor is my top requirement, followed closely by smarts, tenderness, kindness, and the 3A's �" attention, affection, and appreciation. Maybe yours has to do with lifestyle, honesty, fitness, prestige, libido, talent, honesty ... whatever. It's your list.

9)  Know and honor your deal-breakers. Overdrinking? Smoking? Entitlement? Dysfunctional FOO (Family of Origin)? Couch Potato-hood?Voting Republican/Democrat? Bad grammar?  Don't feel the need to justify or defend your own deal-breakers. Ever.

10) Maybe your guy acts childish sometimes. So what? Is it playful childishness or spoiled-bratness? BIG difference. Besides, isn't everyone entitled to occasional brattiness, as long as it's not overdone or too frequent? I mean, you'd hate to give up yours. Just agree not to be bratty at the same time, and put a little naughty twinkle in it.

Roz Van Meter is a lifelong storyteller. Her psychology career has included psychotherapist, marriage counselor, certified sex therapist, life coach and corporate consultant. For over thirty years she has told stories to inspire clients to grow up, handle life, and laugh with affection at themselves and life in general.

Roz Van Meter is a licensed relationship counselor, certified sex therapist. She is the author of Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It and Sizzling Sex In 30 Days.