Thin Beauty Can't Hold Much Pain.

he is her eyelid.

blocked from view a child lay shaking.

a soft sheet of darkness creeps over it's body.

 

eyelids close over her mind.

soft and delicate.

thin beauty can't hold much pain.

 

translucent. dry.

 

painted bright yellow.

to try to bring happiness into a place where happiness is rare.

 

the soft sheet creeps up over the child's face.

the eyelid shuts tighter.

she doesn't

can't

won't

see.

 

the child is dying.

her eyes are crying.

but her eyelids are keeping the two from sweet meeting.

 

when the darkness sinks back into it's hole.

and the child is gone forever.

the eyelid creeps open.

 

but only after painting the eye bright yellow.

to match it's own twisted form of fake happiness.

 

they tell each other everything is perfect and fine.

and that's all that matters.

Author's Note

wrote this in three minutes flat... pretty raw and unedited. any suggestions? criticism is more than welcome. ratings are also welcome. thanks!

Reviews

[Matthews Reggie]

well described....... didn't feel that it was an unedited work.... well written....

[Miss Coral]

Love the end- I think that you could perhaps play with the flow a bit more, perhaps rid of some of the periods to make it smoother... it's a little jerky in places. Overall, nicely done. Great imagery and emotion.

-Coral-

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

good poem.....high points for the dramatically description:)

[Joshua Hood]

yea i really liked this.. kinda eerie a lil bit.. but i like that, for sure. You had a good theme goin on here.. and well written for only 3 min.

[trainwreck]

"Thin beauty can't hold much pain." haunting.
I kept reading that line as "this beauty can't hold much pain."
I like it, the imagery is skilled, I wasn't quite sure if the plot you kinda introduced was supposed to go away.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

killer depictions. The visuals were stunning.

[deeps]

This is well expressed and written