PART 20 AM AN OVERCOMER

Should we always forgive those who hurt us?

20

Forgiving One Another

This could be the most difficult decision that we’ll ever have to make because, for many of us, we’re unaware of what it means to forgive a fellow believer. Some would suggest that if they’ve caught a brother or sister in the Lord committing an egregious sin, don’t get involved. It’s none of their business. Pray to God that He’ll take care of it. Likewise, if a brethren does something against us, i.e., steals our property, physically assaults us, has an affair with our spouse, etc., the recommendation might be to give the matter to God in prayer and let it go.

Here are some verses that could be used to support these narratives.

Matthew 5:40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.

If they take your coat, let them have your cloke also.

Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

If they physically harm us, pray to God the Father.

1 Timothy 5:19 Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses.

And if someone in leadership is having an affair with our spouse, nothing can be done about it unless there are at least two eye or ear witnesses.

What comes as a surprise is that the responses to each of these situations is faulty. While there might be a measure of truth concerning each reply, how forgiveness applies requires further study.

 

Wouldn’t this be the way Jesus would respond?

When Jesus was on the cross, didn’t He convey to His Father these words:

Luke 23:34 Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.

The word forgive in Koine Greek means to pardon, a release from the penalty of an offense.¹³⁶ However, what we’re not necessarily mindful of through church teachings is that there’s a difference in how a believer should respond if they’re wronged by an unbeliever versus a fellow believer. So, let’s look at how we should respond to fellow believers who have wounded us and what the appropriate definition of forgiveness and its application would be.

 

�-�When a believer injures a fellow believer and admits wrong but doesn’t repent.

Luke 17:3-4 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

If a fellow believer trespass (does anything that gives you an offence¹³⁷) against another believer, their response should be to rebuke him (go and tell him his [fault and] seek an explanation¹³⁸). If he repents, forgive (give up the debt) him, intimating that the contrary is also true. If he doesn’t repent (there’s no evidence of change in his words and actions), don’t forgive him.

 

�-�When a believer, including someone in leadership, has committed adultery.

1 Timothy 5:19 Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses.

In my years in ministry, I’ve heard some reasons why, in certain instances, the offended can’t seek this avenue. They’d argue that at least two witnesses are needed to pursue a situation such as this. I’d agree if the affair was hidden and the wounded spouse was the only one who was a witness to it. However, I’d contest that it wouldn’t be too long until it’s found out and become public.

The word accusation in Koine Greek pertains to bringing a formal accusation before a tribunal.¹³⁹

Matthew 18:15-17 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

For a grievance to be held in this manner, a process needs to be followed beforehand, and that is go to the perpetrator alone and if he hear thee (acknowledging the offense; making reparation), you have gained (restored to be a consistent Christian) your brother. If that’s unsuccessful, go back again with at least two eye or ear witnesses.

There could be another way to deal with this situation, and that’s if the affair is apparent, meaning it’s being witnessed by others in the church. In this case, it should be immediately dealt with. Going to the perpetrator alone or a second time is irrelevant. This has already reached the third stage. An incident in the Book of 1 Corinthians confirms this.

 

Suggested Reading: 1 Corinthians 5:1-13; 2 Corinthians 2:1-11

1 Corinthians 5:1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife.

It was reported commonly (so public that it cannot be concealed; and so certain that it cannot be denied¹⁴⁰)amongst the believers in Corinth that a fellow believer was having an affair with his father’s wife (stepmother).

1 Corinthians 5:2-3 And ye are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you. For I verily, as absent in body, but present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present, concerning him that hath so done this deed,

The Apostle Paul’s response was that this should have been dealt with already. So, address it now, which would correspond to bringing the sinning Christian along with at least two witnesses before those who were elected to deal with such issues. While it’s true that we’re talking about eye or ear witnesses, we’re not talking about them seeing them engaging in sex. It’s witnessing obvious inappropriate behavior between the two of them, i.e., conduct that demonstrates a wrong relationship was taking place.

2 Corinthians 2:6 Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many.

The context intimates that the wrongdoer has admitted guilt and expressed repentance because Scripture reveals that a punishment (church censure) was imposed, whereby he’d be removed from the fellowship for some time as a consequence of his actions. And if his life, i.e., his actions revealed that the relationship had ended, he’ll be allowed to return.

2 Corinthians 2:7 So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.

It became evident that a change in his actions was apparent. Because of this, Paul directed the church assembly to forgive him. In Koine Greek, this means to pardon, to be free from further punishment. Remember, this command was initiated by the apostle because the repentance was genuine; it actually took place.

Let’s take another look at a different scenario involving forgiveness.

 

�-�When a believer has committed a felony (major offense) against another believer.

1 Peter 4:15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters.

We studied this previously in chapter 15 using Scriptures from 1 Corinthians 6:1-8. I’d go back there and refresh your thoughts on this matter. Actions of such today that were committed against people or property would be handled in a trial court of law. The victimized believer would be seeking justice. If the wrongdoer was convicted of such, they’d serve out their sentence. If they’re up for parole, their admittance of guilt and proof of repentance would determine whether forgiveness would be forthcoming from the victim or the victim’s family.

Here’s an example that will help us understand how the injured party should respond.

2 Timothy 4:14 Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works:

A Christian named Alexander did the Apostle Paul much evil (harm). It’s believed this had to do with him opposing Paul’s doctrine. Paul’s response was that the Lord reward him according to his works. The word reward means to pay back. In the present context, however, the accent is on the negative and includes the elements of judgment together with the appropriate punishment.¹⁴¹ The word [reward] (apodioemi) does not in the Greek text express a wish or desire. It is a simple future, a statement of a future fact. The word is to be taken in the sense of “will requite.” The apostle takes satisfaction in the future punishment of Alexander because of his opposition to Christianity.¹⁴²

If the offender chose not to admit guilt and evidence repentance, the wounded party wouldn’t forgive them but pray to God to render just judgment. Romans 12:19

1 Corinthians 6:5 I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?

Minor offenses involving civil court issues in small claims court would attempt to be resolved by bringing the issue before someone in the church whose life evidences spiritual integrity and has the relevant knowledge/skill in such an area in question. Forgiveness in this regard would involve resolution/reconciliation.

 

�-�When a believer injures a fellow believer by words or conduct.¹⁴³

These transgressions wouldn’t pertain to egregious sins that were apparent to the assembly of believers, nor criminal (felony) offenses. What I mean is that these offenses are the type that would be dealt with according to Matthew 18:15-17.

This was looked at earlier in this study in chapter 10, 3^rd bullet. I’d suggest turning back to familiarize yourself with what was said.

Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

To summarize, if the offender is approached alone by the victim and acknowledges their sin, humbly receives instruction for restoration, and repents, exhibits a change in the course of their words and actions (including making reparations), then thou has gained thy brother (reconciled him to thyself).

Even though the words forgive or forgiveness aren’t used in this verse, the outcome of reconciliation would best describe such.

 

What if the believer is guilty of an offense and refuses to admit guilt and repent?

Matthew 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

As outlined in Chapter 10, 3^rd bullet, they can be approached again if there are at least two witnesses. If this is unsuccessful, the matter would be brought before those in the church who have the oversight to address such issues. If the offender refuses acknowledgement after the testimony of two witnesses confirms guilt, they’ll be removed from the fellowship indefinitely. They are to be treated by the assembly of believers as a heathen man or publican. This means to cease to have religious contact with him or to acknowledge him as a Christian brother.¹⁴⁴ There’s no forgiveness forthcoming.  

However, this doesn’t prevent us from praying to God the Father for them that they’d come to a sound mind and admit what they’ve done to all concerned and repent and be restored to the fellowship.

 

�-�When believers, in a time of persecution, choose not to testify on behalf of the character of a charge placed against a fellow believer in a court of law.

2 Timothy 4:16 At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge.

When the Apostle Paul was apprehended and brought before the Roman courts to answer to a charge against him, all men forsook him, meaning that no one showed up on his behalf to testify about his character. Even though they admittedly abandoned him in a time of need, Paul knew that this was done out of fear, a sin of weakness, and not willful. Apparently, at this time, the emperor Nero had attributed the great fire at Rome to Christians, and therefore, the persecution of them was at an all-time high. So, when he prayed to God the Father that their forsaking of him would not be laid to their charge, he was asking Him to forgive them, i.e., to remove punishment, that they wouldn’t be held accountable for what they had done .

 

�-�When a Christian brother continues to sin against a fellow believer.

Matthew 18:21-22 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Some argue that if a fellow believer repeatedly commits an offense upon another believer, even seventy times seven (countless times), they should be forgiven. The word forgive means the matter is to be buried and forgotten. What’s inferred is that the perpetrator has admitted guilt and repented. But remember, repentance is the evidence of confession. No repentance, no forgiveness.

I can think of different situations when a fellow believer, someone whom I’ve had frequent interactions with, has said or done something against me in a different manner. And I’ve gone to them, and they’ve admitted wrong and evidenced change. In this sense, forgiveness would be forthcoming at various times concerning different infractions.

Likewise, if they chose to disregard what was brought to their attention, refusing to discuss it or admitting wrong, then there’s no forgiveness forthcoming. If they do admit what they’ve done and repent (claim they won’t respond in the same way anymore), and yet this isn’t the case, then they’re not to be forgiven.

Would you agree that there are different ways to handle certain offenses between fellow believers and as such forgiveness might or might not be anticipated. 

Here are some more verses on forgiving one another. But remember to follow the parameters outlined above.       

Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another (should you receive any injury from a brother, … be as ready to forgive him, on his repentance and acknowledgment¹⁴⁵), even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Colossians 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

What we’ll discuss next is an answer to this question. What does it mean when Scripture says, in everything, give thanks?