A King and Country in its darkest time

Honest and productive reviews are welcome.

A King and Country in its darkest time

Across the River Stragore, stood an Army a thousand strong. A thousand warriors ready to wrench power from the rightful king. Ready to lay waste to the Kingdom that had stood from the time of the Great Gathering.

The Gathering was the final battle that united its people. Until then the land was made up of warring factions. The Great Gathering united everyone under one banner.

          Now threated to be removed from his birthright, the King stood shoulder to shoulder with his Army, ready to defend his claim to the throne. From atop the bulwarks his voice answered the usurpers with deafening thunder his voice rang down and crushed the voices of the invading Army.

“You will leave NOW or you will fall before the rightful king. I will give you no quarter, for all those who flee from my blade…you will be hunted down like the traitors you are and you will find no honor in your death or your life after. But for all those who leave this field now, you will be spared. This is your only warning”.

          From the time of the Great Gathering no Army had crossed the River Stragore to challenge the throne… the King is determined not to let that happen. Even if he has to give his life to push back and crush the usurpers.

          The king calmly walked down from the bulwarks to mount his stead, instilling confidence and loyalty in his men. The only thing that showed on the Kings face was determination to crush this uprising; this…the challenge to his birthright. His men had seen this look on their Kings face before. It was a look that shook the resolve and courage of strongest man.

          The castle gates flung open with a thunderous crash, the draw bridge had not even touched the ground. The King could not wait, his stead leap't the last 15 falling feet of the draw bridge. The King’s men followed without hesitation. There was no fear in their eyes, they would follow the King to hell and back if he asked them to. They knew the King would give his life for them, and they would give their lives in his service.

          The Kings Army formed a wedge with the King at its tip. His men ready for battle, now is the time that men’s mettle is tested. And on this day it will be tested in blood. The usurpers formed their battle lines, spears at the ready, swords drawn, and shields at the ready. But the force of the Kings men made the battle lines crumble.

“Hold the lines, fill in the ranks, stand your ground” was the commands given. Little could be done for the King’s wedge cut through the battle lines like a hot knife against warm butter.

 

I must interject a note; the usurpers who stood their ground where of the bravest men I have seen, and should be recognized for their bravery.

 

Into the battle lines the Kings Army pressed. But half way in they had become surrounded, unable to make their escape the Kings men dismounted their steads and formed a circle worthy of any Spartan Army. Shields interlocked, spears formed a deadly wall. The King in the middle giving orders to hold fast…

“Hold your ground, do not falter and the day will be ours”!!!

          The usurpers seeing the King and his men surrounded, turned their attention to the middle.

(That was their fatal flaw).

          The Kings reserve had slowly (and undetected by the usurpers) surrounded them. Now the reserves attacked the outer edge of the usurpers lines while the King and his men attacked from the middle forcing the usurper Army to fight not on one front but now two. Like a vise the Kings Army pressed the usurpers into submission.

          The leaders of the uprising tried to escape, but they to found themselves surrounded and could do nothing but concede the battle to the King.

          The king having won the day forced the usurpers and their leaders to choose between pledging fidelity to the King and the land or banishment for life. Those that chose banishment where given safe passage to ports of harbor with the promise of never returning.

          In time the land returned to its prosperous state, and no other uprising was ever seen again.

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

Seems like you corrected the typos? I noticed one thing -- the usurpers WHO would be more accurate, rather than that, since the usurpers are people.

[ron]

Thank you KL. Not sure what you mean.

[Lyn Anderson]

Not usurpers that usurpers who, is that more clear?

[ron]

Ah ok......

[NoelHC]

This holds promise, I sent a list of typos to your e-mail. I like the King's battlefield tactics and execution. General Custer could have learned from the King.

[ron]

thank you and I got them and made the changes.
I'm sure custer would not consider them...maybe Patton would...lol.
It was suggested that I give some more background to the King. I would appreciate any help in that area.

[NoelHC]

I would expand on the history of the King and his lineage going back to the time of the Great Gathering maybe.

[ron]

Could you help me with that?

[NoelHC]

Sure, let me ponder a bit. I will send you a sketch in a private message later.

[ron]

Thank you. :)

[Alfred Kukitz]

Ron,

I don't know if space is a consideration but we need to feel the battle in our eyes. You have a few mistakes that are easily correctable and you can't never break the train of thought when someone is reading a story. Action verbs, he struck with ferocity like the lion in his soul. The reader needs to identify with a character or characters, essentially, we need more on the king.

[ron]

I understand. I wanted this to be fast, but your right I need more back ground on the king.

[Alfred Kukitz]

Settle in. Most new writers seem to race to the finish line. It's the journey man!

[ron]

I don't mean to finish early.