As the moon cries

Not sure which version is best. I need help with it.

 As the moon cries

 (Version 1)

 

 

Cry dear wolf,

cry at the moon.

 

Make it come down and do your bidding.

Make it take your sweet victem.

 

Take me into you light,

take me into what you hold dear.

 

Make me want the blood,

the blood that will consimate our love.

 

Our love...

our love...

 

Could a bite be so mortal,

as to make me imortal?

 

Baine against the Vampire bite.

Baine against all the is eveil.

 

Baine against own kind,

baine against that you don’t understand.

 

Run now our they will take you,

upon a full moon is the legend that will sustain you.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

 As the moon cries

(Version 2) 

 

Cry dear wolf,

cry at the moon.

 

Make it come down and do your bidding.

Make it take your sweet victim.

 

Take me into you light,

take me into what you hold dear.

 

Make me want the blood,

the blood that will consummate our love.

 

Our love...

our love...

 

Could a bite be so mortal,

as to make me immortal?

 

Power against the Vampire bite.

Light against all that is evil.

 

Water against its own kind,

water against what you don’t understand.

 

Run now our they will take you,

upon a full moon is the legend that will sustain you.

Reviews

[Vidya Bacchus]

Well what brought that on?This was very cool Red :)

[ron]

Thank you Vidya. I don't know what brought this one on. Maybe its my animalistic need for something :)))

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hmmm whatever could it be?

[Konigin]

I like Version 1 more btw Mchumba... :)

[ron]

Thank you Chelsea. The problem with version 1 is "bane" is used to repel wolfs.

[Konigin]

wellll Yea. BUT! a lot of times you can also use "bane" the way that you did... see:
bane
read morewellll Yea. BUT! a lot of times you can also use "bane" the way that you did... see:
bane
bān/Submit
noun
a cause of great distress or annoyance.
"the bane of the decorator is the long, narrow hall"
synonyms: scourge, plague, curse, blight, pest, nuisance, headache, nightmare, trial, hardship, cross to bear, burden, thorn in one's flesh/side, bitter pill, affliction, trouble, misery, woe, tribulation, misfortune, pain More
archaic
something, typically poison, that causes death.

I thought it made sense and I understood what you meant. :)

[ron]

Ah I did not know that. Cool thank you.

[Konigin]

You're welcome! XD

[Konigin]

Woah . . . . . this... is... SPECTACULAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it Ron!!!!! Your poem is SO cool Mchumba!!! ^,^

[ron]

Thank you again Chelsea. Your so very kind.

[Konigin]

Yup. :) I try.... lol