How do I tell you how I feel, If all it will bring is hurt?

How do I tell you how I feel, If all it will bring is hurt?

It"s not that I do not love you; I still do.

Should I make a list and let you read it? Or sit down and see the hurt in your eyes as I explain it?

I still do love you, and this is why this hurts so much.

As far as not making love to you...Part of me still does but I can only t get half hard so even if I wanted to I could not go inside you. The other part is that you told me if I ended up being like someone you would never have sex with me again.  ( I would never use not having sex with you as a threat, so I figured why even have sex if you used it at a threat.)

I have said from the start there are a few things I do not want.

1 I never wanted to get married again, but you kept pushing me for a "would you at least think about it."

2 Would you at least say maybe? 

3 Would you say one day?

4 And finale y...can we get pretend married?

No matter how much I would say no you would keep pushing for just a little bit more.

As far as living together; I told you I do not like living with anyone. But again that was not the answer you wanted to hear, so again I kept giving in. (Even with the possibility of getting written up and maybe loosing my rank)

You have not said this as much as you use to and for that I am very grateful. But you still tell me how "I messed up or should have done something in a different way .

You even said we "We just tolerate each other." That is no way to live.

I do not talk with you like I used to because for the longest time if I took more than a few minutes to talk about some thing you would get impatient and could not wait for me to finish (So i figured why even try to communicate any more.)