The school dance

The school dance

 

This is a story of how love grows.

Those who know tell it with great veneration.

 

First is the twinkle in the eye.

A lot of blushing and the hint of a smile.

 

He gives her flowers with puppy love.

She throws them on the ground; she likes him more than she lets on.

 

She sneaks a kiss on his check than runs off.

He is beside himself with mystification, (Girls never let boys know how they truly feel).

 

Shortly after, come the poems and the laughter.

Both are blushed into denial.

 

Now the dance presents its self.

With brave shaking legs, he asks her mom and dad.

 

Dads gaze freezes him in mid-sentence.

Mom quietly asks her to rescue him, (How brave he was to face her dad).

 

The doorbell rings, he has a wilted corsage, which looked so fresh in the flower shop.

Frozen by her beauty, fumbling fingers and afraid.

She smiles and helps him pin it on, (in a place that makes him blush bright red).

 

Under fathers questioning gaze, mom hurries them to the door and tells them to be safe.

Looking at his bike he asks, “Would you walk the few blocks with me so we can talk?”

Smiling, she nods yes.

 

He fumbles for the words he rehearsed a thousand times.

She takes his hand as they walk in quiet bliss the last few steps.

 

The dance was wonderful is what she tells him.

She limps by his side, from bruised ankles, that hurts so wonderful.

 

The rest of the time gave way to courtship and graduation.

The two lovers make plans for a wedding and raising a family.  

 

Once again on brave and shaking legs,

He asks her dad for her hand in marriage.

 

The date is set, the plans now made.

What a perfect wedding they did have.

 

A baby has come with great adulation.

A daughter is born from their love so true.

 

Now he sits in the living room waiting.

For the brave shaking boy, to ask him the question.

 

On shaking legs, his voice did crack.

May I please take your daughter to the school dance?

Reviews

[Lafayette]

Lovely written images telling a lovely story.

[ron]

Thank you.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

This is so sweet! I hope the girl's parents appreciate the boy taking the very traditional route of seeking their permission before asking the girl out!

[ron]

I'm sure they do. Thank you for reading.

[s y e]

This is so sweet Ron - Sounds like something my Dad would do, the guy that ever asks me out or to a dance will be petrified thanks to my Daddy, lol - I love my Dad to pieces though, he is hilarious. He is just jesting with them.

Loved it.

[ron]

Thank you Sye. I hope your feeling better.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

This is a great example of how our lives come full circle, good write, bro.

[ron]

Yes it is. Thank you poetic heroics.

[carol burgess romance]

A delightful write on how things used to be...now with internet dating and the new age is there such a thing as true innocne any more,,,I sure hope so...enjoyed it very much

[ron]

Thank you carol. I believe true innocence does exist.

[Jonas Hughes]

I thought it was very courageous to experiment with story structure, or is it meant to be a poem? Either way I think it is a great first draft. You have something special, and needs just a touch more distillation of the idea of what exactly you want your reader to feel. It may have just been me, but I thought the point of view changed. I could be wrong, and believe me I'm not knocking you. Maybe not the point of view but the passage of time throughout the piece. It is vaguely referenced, is this the story of a life long love? Or is this just a high school romance? Sorry, I saw story, so I could be way off base with my suggestions. Poems are more whimsical in nature, but I really thought you were pushing the limits of what story structure is, and the many ways a story can be told.

I am just trying to help. If you feel like I'm attacking you, then feel free to rip into any of my work. Actually, I would love to hear more comments on direction, or whether to condense. It is obvious you write with great emotion because you can feel it as you read it, but it could be even more powerful if you refined it a bit. Just my random thoughts. I enjoyed reading your work, and I look forward to reading more. Have a great day.

[ron]

You are always welcome to suggest any thing about my writings you wish to. After all if a writer cannot grow then their writing will not. I always welcome comments an suggestions on anything I write. You are full of advise and helpfulness. This one was kind of a pros I think. For me I just start writing and allow the piece to take me were it wants to. I am writing a novel. the novel has had some interesting twists. As I write it some times things just happen and I realized "Oh that's why he/she did that. Its very exciting when that happens.

[Richie]

Wow - I love the imagery in this poem

[ron]

Thank you Richie.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Ron - I see the structure with the two lines down the page helps with this verse...Good to read your work…Thanks for the invite to read your thoughts to paper at Writers Café...I'm back to work with copy writer and doing my best to write 1000 words a day...and a subject you do not get to choose...will be busy the next few months...so I will read all RR"s might just take a bit longer to get a review...hope you understand...plus promote my book: The Onyx - Vena Amoris...for late next month release…I have very little time on my hands…making the most of everyday and taking today to read as many as I can…keep writing and sharing your creative talent here and elsewhere…

[ron]

Thank you Glen. I appreciate that you took time out of your busy schedule to read my writing. Thank you.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You're welcome...after I'm done with copy writer work and promotion of my book...I will have more time...I need a 36 hour day...not 24...

[ron]

I wish I had a 36 hour day to Glen.

[Larrycall]

My first high school dance was tonight

[ron]

How did your first High School dance go?

[ron]

How did your first High School Dance go?