Face of a not so dad

Face of a not so dad

The face of a dad; not a Dad anyone else has or mine, but me the face of a not so dad.

I grew up thinking I was special, thinking how I could change the world.

I was not taken seriously, by my friends who unknowingly knew me, never taken for something special, always taken for less than face value.

I hid the pain inside and pretended it would be all right, never taken for who I was inside.

The world passed me by and I stayed inside myself and cried, not for whom I was but who I was meant to be.

I went to fight the world with the Army as my guide, thinking I could make things happen and change the world with pride.

A daughter of mine was born, what a joy I had to behold, thinking this is what I was meant to be a grown up for.

Once again, the Army call sounded its beating drum. I answered it with pride, never knowing what it really held for me.

Mission bells soon rang out; I answered them with doubt, knowing I would not be there for you anymore.

I tried my best you see what my failed face showed me, that I failed you as a dad, forever more.

The regret of leaving you was more than my tiny heart could show; for you needed me at least to pretend there was more.

Before I would leave, I gave you butterfly kisses you see, and told you to watch the moon at night.

The moon would be ours, a way to connect through the stars, a way that was faster than a letter.

I came home after it was done, to find you had grown up and quietly killed myself inside.

 You had given up so much for a world that cared not for us, but the greed it could extract from our souls.

I had a chance once more to repair our damaged souls.

But I allowed my fear and shame of who I became, to guide my damaged soul.

None of it was ever your fault that you had a not so dad.

One who could never measure up to what you really needed.

I don’t beg for your forgiveness, I don’t deserve your time to be wasted on one small as me.

You will grow up in this world because you are a strong girl, a strength you didn’t get from me.

All I ask from you, (if I ever merit the thought) is to teach your children what a parent really is.     

Just know I tried down deep inside, but I just never had the strength.

For I am a weak man who cannot not blame others, for my faults that cost us so much time.

 

P. S. Heaven I am so very sorry.

Love: You’re not so dad.

 

 

 

Author's Note

This was hard for me to addmit.

Reviews

[sounds of shadows]

A very difficult realization to come to. I hope expressing it has taken some of the burden off. It would be good to share this in some form with her, if you can. Peace to you.

[ron]

I dont know if it had taken some of the burden off ubt it does give me hope that I can shre this with her. Thank you.