early schooling

primary school was one hell of a ride, I did not fully understand what it was like to have teachers that fully understood me like they did the rest of the class. I was always underestimated because of my sight loss and I became more and more frustrated because of it. the underestimation and mixed messages made me hate myself, and made me feel like I was doing something wrong for proving their assumptions wrong, and I hated that feeling. It made me want to do things that even adults would consider scary and reckless. like climbing to the top of the school climbing wall for example, I always felt like I was being suppressed in so many ways. English was a struggle for me most of the time, because even though I am a writer now, I was not always and there are sometimes that even to this day I still struggle a lot. so imagine the surprise on some peoples faces when I tell them that there was a little bit of pressure and overestimation in all this. People thought I was pretending to struggle, that I was doing it for attention, but as a matter of fact I actually wasn’t, and I was sick and tired of explaining that to people. i’ve always felt like I am being treated differently, and the mixed messages again! One minute I’m being told that I’m the same as everyone else and the next minute I’m being told that I’m different or I can’t do something because the fact that I am blind holds me back. Sometimes I often think, who are they to tell me what’s holding me back but those thoughts are instantly dismissed when I go back into school the next day. I always say to myself, I’m gonna change peoples perception of me, but I never had the strength or the nerve to do it. and that is why primary school was one of my worst nightmares.