A Batty Teatime Riddle

I wrote this piece for a contest called "Alice". I didn't win.

Allie thought she'd been invited to an all girls tea party, but when she entered the parlor, just as the clock struck six, she saw two boys at the table and no one else. The table had been laid, and the boys already had their tea.

She curtsied and said, "Hi, I'm Allie. Who are the fine gentlemen I have the pleasure of taking tea with this afternoon?"

"I'm Mark," said the boy with the Mohawk hairstyle, and then he pointed at the boy with a baseball cap on sideways and said, "We call him The Batter."

"Oh," said Allie, "do you play in Little League?"

"He's in a league of his own," said Mark.

Allie sat down. She looked at Mark and said, "I like your hair."

"You're the first person I've met that likes Mark's hair," said The Batter.

"May I have a cup of tea, then?" asked Allie.

"Help yourself," said The Batter. "Me and Mark crave tea. We have it all the time."

"Tea is nice," said Allie. "I do like a cup once in a while."

"Hey," said The Batter, "why is a craving like a writhing pest?"

Allie thought a moment. "I really don't know. "Why is it?"

"He doesn't know either," said Mark.

"That's right. I haven't the slightest idea," said The Batter.

Allie finished her tea sooner than she normally would have. "I really should be going," she said, rising from her chair.

"You only just got here," said The Batter sternly. "Have another cup."

Just then the clock struck six. Allie introduced herself and sat down.

Reviews

[Taylor]

Nice re-write. I love the Mohawk! I would encourage you to look over this again and see if you can intensify the images so that even someone not thinking of Alice in Wonderland would "get it."

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Batter up and have another cup. Allie arrives at six, and Cinderella leaves at midnight. What is it with girls and time and gatherings and falling or fleeing? Must be something in that tea. :-)

[Taylor]

Fun and spare. I don't know what the parameters of the contest were, but this little piece is interesting and flows very well. Enjoyed it.

[Roland Petrov]

Thanks, Taylor! One was supposed to write a story on the theme of Alice in Wonderland; however, the winners wrote poems. I suppose I do tend to take rules too seriously.

[mattavelli]

Ya, this is great! I like your stories, Roland. They are very clear. You don't clutter them up at all.

[Roland Petrov]

Thanks! That was a good comment. I used to read a lot of stories by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and I noticed that his style was clear and uncluttered, and I was impressed by that.

[Moonie]

Haha..alice, the hatter, and the march "hair"...plus the paradox about time. I really enjoyed this short story. Well done! :))

[Roland Petrov]

Thanks! I'm glad it works.