Shock-head

"Shock" has many definitions. I wrote this story for a competition with a compulsory line: "Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist." This is not to be read as an endorsement for any brand of beer.

The scientist's shock, his thick, untidy mass of hair, was shocked, piled together like sheaves leaning against one another to dry. I got a shock, a sudden arousing of emotion by something unexpected, when I came across this shock-head on a grassy knoll in Panama City (that's Panama, not Florida). I had recently moved to Panama, and I was on a walk of discovery in Panama City when I unexpectedly came upon the stone head of one of the greatest scientists of all time, adorned with trademark shocked shock. Looking at it, all alone on the grassy knoll, I so wanted to spray paint his shock orange, turning his head into a plug for Shock Top unfiltered beer. I would have been shocked, however, to rediscover myself as a vandal.

I put Shock-head on my list of sights to show friends and visitors. The stone head of Albert Einstein (last name is German for "One Stone"), alone on a grassy knoll in Panama City (Panama, not Florida), seemed to be saying, to all passersby who would listen (though only poets would), "It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely." I fantasized that spray painting his shock shocking orange would brighten up his One Stone day (not to mention turning his head into a plug for Shock Top unfiltered beer).

It was March 14 (I'll never forget it) that I accidentally got drunk and then drove, causing an accident. I was at the Rock Café with friends, drinking Shock Top unfiltered beer, and I thought I was drinking responsibly, like I was responsible for Shock Top's profitability in Panama, and when I was driving home, while passing Einstein's head on the grassy knoll, in fact, I was blinded by oncoming headlights shining directly into my dilated pupils, and the thought suddenly occurred to me that the scientist's head was the centerpiece of a roundabout (must have been a flashback to Mexico City) and that I was going around it the wrong way! I instinctively swerved hard, and this is what happened next:

My car jumped the curb, skidded up the grassy knoll out of control, and hit the head with a shock, a force of great magnitude applied suddenly, the shock of a collision. I thought I'd shocked Einstein's head, given it painful offense, but when I'd extracted myself from a deflated airbag, I saw by the light of the one headlamp still working that I'd given Einstein one superficial black eye, nothing more; by contrast, that must have been one hard rock because the front of my vehicle looked like a sculpture of E=MC squared. The shock-head looked like it was smirking at me, and it seemed to be saying something like "Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist." I didn't know what to say except "Happy Birthday!"

Reviews

[Taylor]

Shocking how this piece shocked me -- it was fun and cleverly wrought.

[Blossom]

I remember reading--and thoroughly enjoying--it when it was posted where it was posted!
Reading it the second time has still not diluted the fun! :-)

[Woody]

I love the way you tell a story. you should know better than drinking and driving.
this is very funny, Roland. shockingly so :)
E=MC2. great one.

[mattavelli]

This was fun, Roland. I like the E=MC. Be careful.