That Piece of Hallelujah

Lately, I've been writing micropoems, tweetable poems of 140 characters or less. This one is just a bit too long.

I wait until you've gone to bed

to sit outside and gaze into the stars

because I don't want to have to hear

about how your imaginary friend made them all;

that piece of hallelujah

shrinks the experience

and shrivels my soul

Reviews

[Ruben Wainui]

Love the message and the way it is delivered. And totally agree, you managed to sum up those points all so well in such great imagery and examples. An imaginary friend just like the easter bunny or tooth fairy. I also wrote something along the same theme-
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/rubenmita/1515447/

He fell to the floor and his head it was beating
To a pulse like a heartbeat his blood it was seething
And his eyes turned to face the big empty door
He would have looked further but he feared to see more

My good god he said as he thought of the words
To put into place the torrent of thoughts
Filling his eyes and his ears like a flash flood
But no voice from the skies came to grant what he sought

I'm waking up now said the voice in his skull
He trembled and feared to open his eyes
When he did he saw nothing but what lay before him
A world he could touch and a wide empty sky

[Roland Petrov]

Nice poem, Ruben! What a perfect last line!

[mattavelli]

I'd like to try this form. 140 characters, does spacing subtract from that?

[Roland Petrov]

As far as I know, you can use a maximum of 140 letters (or characters) in a single tweet; spaces don't count, but punctuation probably does. I'll post some of my micropoems tonight.

[Woody]

awsome write, Roland. love the way you tackle this million-times-flogged topic.
I like the fact that there's no mention of "creator" or "God". economical and simply beautiful.

[a]

Very well said Roland. Too often I've had to hide my true appreciation for the universe from those who believe they appreciate it in the proper way.

[Sami Khalil]

A powerful poem and message. I'm experiencing as we speak...Excellent...:).....

[Rick Puetter]

Hi Roland,

Ah, the continually resurfacing topic. And rightly so since it is so important.

I like what you did with this. And I especially liked the line: "shrinks the experience". Now I understand that many of faith will wonder how belief in the existence in God can possibly ever shrink the experience. Well, from a completely modern physics point of view and through the concepts of the multiverse, physicists, strictly speaking, would not choose disbelief in God. Instead the point of view in the multiverse every possible form of existence manifests itself somewhere, probably an infinite number of times. So if the existence of God is possible, then a universe does exist that contains a God. Indeed, there would be universes that have two Gods and three Devils. There will be universes where God, the creator, is an absolutely evil power and our only hope of salvation is the Satan will overthrow him. But then there will be more peaceful universes without God (or Gods). Most of the universes will be empty since these will be very simple universes and simple universes will abound over the highly complex universes like our own. So how is it that belief in God "shrinks the experience"? It's simply in the modern view of physics the concept of God is simply not rich enough to encompass the beauty and complexity of the multiverse.

Best regards, and I truly do not wish to offend anyone, and I hope I haven't.

Greatly enjoyed. High marks.

Rick

[Roland Petrov]

"The concept of God is simply not rich enough to encompass the beauty and complexity of the multiverse." I'm no physicist, but this sentence captures my thought perfectly. Thanks!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i understand this...yes, most of us believe there is some higher power who creates...
but for some that is an unfathomable idea....and those would rather believe it is all science, evolution and something that is in charge of itself..
i really like the ending of this..and the opposite philosophy which is presented so neatly.

[David Scott]

This poem speaks volumes! I like the clean lines and the utilization of space. It is like the opposite of star gazing... Where there is endless space and endless possibilities.
I happen to believe in a Creator... Still, I can appreciate the impatience be must experience when they choose a more utilitarian philosophy. ;).
Great poetry and a strongly voiced opinion in a very old debate.

[Roland Petrov]

I don't necessarily disbelieve in a creator, just not one of the ones we made up. Thanks for dropping by and for the good comments.

[tmasse]

As a singer i couldn't help but sing the first line to the melody of Hallelujah xD

nice alliteration with the constant s sound towards the end

consider playing with a little more punctuation at the end of some lines in all your poems :)

[Marie]

don't think this is too long. It says just what you need to say.
I've done work iwith 140 characters, but feel it restricts me.