The Rain and her Watershed

I'm crawling through the flooded depths

Of my mind, wondering, did we ever love,

She and I, the rain and her watershed-

 

I gathered sunlight to keep her warm,

So she could sleep until noon,

Strolled into the garden barefoot

To dance in the dirt, to cultivate slow demise

But in the garden I left it, to return to her,

Saw her eyes open for the first time.

 

I felt her as she poured down each culvert

Into the desiccated basin of my being-

 

The rain is spent but I feel it creep

Down my concrete-dust spine.

Reviews

[Lilly Negoi]

beautiful imagery here! and also beautiful parallel between love and rain. the last stanza is interesting, because even if you speak of rain being spent and a spine made of concrete-dust, what i actually thought of was that rain mixed with the concrete-dust would birth something very strong and very vertical :).

[Misty Blue Eyes]

imigry in this was profound. very well written

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

A fascinating poem. Your wording and imagery is captivating without falling into cliché. A interesting read.

[Esoteric Strand]

This is an excellent piece. The bit about gathering sunlight is golden. But perhaps the most impressive thing about this poem: you managed to use rain and other liquid imagery without going over the top. This is a quality short poem.

Regards,
E

[jdclytle]

okay first off your words are life and theyre beautiful ,
"I gathered sunlight to keep her warm,

So she could sleep until noon,

Strolled into the garden barefoot

To dance in the dirt, to cultivate slow demise", i loved it!!!

the last stanza i loved the best.

[Mark]

"So What" has said it as well as it can be said: that very love which eroded
us to dust may yet again, in the right ratio, mix with our decimated selves
and re-construct a new edifice, stronger than the first. Wonderful.

One minor grammatical note: 1st stanza s/b "She and I,..."

[Coyote Poetry]

You took me on a field trip in your words. Each line create a vision of nature and beauty. The tone of the poem is sad. The language and underlining story made this a very good poem to read.
Coyote

[Star Shaped Heart]

it is or maybe it isnt... gone... disappeared... as in the ending of ONE GREAT SONG! thats my thought.

[tshigg]

It makes me saddened by Love, lol. Kinda two sides of a coing I guess. Great structure. It leads the reader to thinking and realizations. Thanks for this piece!

[MuSe Ampoule]

Beautiful analogies, with one lover seeking to nourish a relationship into bloom...a garden, providing sunlight, rain...what blossoms can become flowers without these. But with so many things, even with romance enlightenment one party takes advantage and the love fades...dies...and turns to dust.

Brilliant write, great job!

[Ruth]

Oooohhh, niceeeeeeeeee lol
I LOVE the last two lines especially love, nicely thought out and exorcised!
The chilling factor of this as a hardened heart, when is enough, enough, do we ever know it is enough?! Do we know when it is not returned?
Thought provoking!
Excellent hon!
xx