Clarity

I know this is not a poem, but I don't know how to classify it. I've never really had anyone giving me feedback, so I would really appreciate it. If you want to read more, go to my website.

Take me back to the moment that started the beginning of our end. The moment I killed your love and you failed to murder mine.

We were alive, you and I. Together. Whole.

But I sucked us dry.

I somehow managed to screw everything up, just like you said I would. At least that’s how I remember things. Forgive me, even if you don’t mean it, because I don’t know how.

I take comfort in the generosity of your absence, even if it makes it very hard for me to breathe. I now realize that you’re out of harm’s way, away from the further damage I could have surely caused you.

Everything started so easy. It was simple. Painless.

You are the reminder of the things I’ve lost because I was never able to find myself. I wanted to understand the fragility of your nature and the complexities of your past. I tried so hard to keep mine contained that I failed to protect yours as well. It’s ironic how our past was the culmination of our future.

Show me the truth behind your indifference, because I can’t make myself believe. I try to remember the warmth of your touch on my skin, but the penetrating coldness of your goodbye still haunts it; it’s numb, and it’s breaking me into pieces.

Cleanse your thoughts and forget about the stench of my mistakes. Forget about my faults and try to remember the sole reason that you fell for me in the first place. It’s still there, hidden deep inside your heart, it has to be.

We were one, and I’m convinced that we can be again.

I miss the way we used to be. Free and untroubled. Connected.

Perhaps our connection was the reason for our undoing. We did something wrong, and before we could get a chance to fix it, I stumbled down. I fell, and I couldn’t get up on my feet. The worst part is that you didn’t try to pick me up. You left, and your eyes never met mine again.

My heart got used to the rambling of its own beating when I was with you, but now it only hears a silence so piercing that’s almost deafening. It needs that surge of addictive emotion that only you can provide. It is greedy and cannot settle for less.

You have to either let me go or take me back. I cannot bear the lack of air suffocating my lungs and every nerve ending in my body ardently tormenting the absence of your touch.

It hurts too much.

If you won’t take me back, then remind me why you don’t love me anymore, so I can go back to loving myself.

I’ve forgotten how to smile without my muscles aching at night. I can’t strain the false representation of happiness any longer; I’m not that good of an actor. It’s taking every thing that keeps me holding on, and I’m running out of options.

Show me how to solve the puzzle of your kisses, to crack open the lock of your desire, teach me how to rekindle your attention. I’m willing to learn again, to experience one more time and to sacrifice the memories that made you mine.

I don’t care about pride, even my lack of it. I only care about clarity. I need to know where you stand, because if I keep running around this maze of confusion, then I won’t be able to stand.

Turn the lights on and dazzle my surroundings. Tell me that you love me and show me that you care. Otherwise you have to let me go. Take everything that I have to offer and remember what that could be like. Remember the sound of your laughter and the warmth of my desire.

You loved me once, against all odds, and I’m holding on to that, because I know it to be true, and because the alternative would obliterate what remains of the man that used to belong to you.

He is everything I’m not, and perhaps that’s why you chose him. I’ve seen you, trying so desperately to fight the true nature of your yearning that satellites back to the memories of me. I’ve seen your struggle, and I can understand it.

I know that what we called life was destructive, but it was also beautiful. I could hold you for hours, drying your tears and comforting your fears, while the world around us turned and changed. We were one, and we were invincible.

That was I, the protector of your present and the promise of your future. You were my every thing, you still are, and you will be forever.

How can you not see that? Why is it that you’ve chosen to remain blind to the beauty underneath my faults?

You lost your faith in me, and I still don’t know why.

I’m trapped in an alternate universe, where everything is gray. I can see your silhouette burning brightly in contrast to everything else. I can still smell the lilies in your hair and the ocean on your skin. I can taste the salt in your tears and hear the beauty of your breaths when you were asleep.

Every memory burns through my atmosphere, electrifying my senses and piercing through my sanity. You are still here, alive, everywhere… even if the world around me slowly dies.

Don’t forget me. Believe in me. I beg of you. Make it stop.

Maybe I’m not strong enough in the typical meaning of the word. I might look weak to the prying eye. But I am strong enough to wait for you, to endure the weight of your mistakes on my shoulders. I am strong enough to believe in love, and the rightfulness of it. Even if you don’t care, even if you don’t want me back, I need to know that you still care.

Because if you still care then it’d mean that what we had was real. That it wasn’t just a series of twisted memories feeding my obsession, amplifying what wasn’t real and creating a whole world that never existed.

I need to know that everything I’ve been through means something. That there is a light on the other side. I need to know that you’re still here, even if you chose him.

I’ve never stopped loving you, and I believe you haven’t either. I need to know if the pain is worth it, even if I can never have you again. I need to know that you still think of me, of the kisses we shared and the truth that made us who we are now.

I need to know that you’re still here, somehow. Put an end to it, and tell me where you stand.

Take me back or finish the job.

Dazzle me.

clarity /klarit"/

noun

The quality of being clear.

Reviews

[Frontier]

"I’m trapped in an alternate universe, where everything is gray. I can see your silhouette burning brightly in contrast to everything else. I can still smell the lilies in your hair and the ocean on your skin. I can taste the salt in your tears and hear the beauty of your breaths when you were asleep."- this was lovely

It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all, they say. :)

[Pax]

Why is it that you’ve chosen to remain blind to the beauty underneath my faults?

Of all the people around us, the one closes are always so blind. Perhaps because they are too close in our hearts that it makes harder to show what's beneath the surface.

The pain in this piece is evidently clear, yet the beauty of its words and how it flows was really beautiful. It is not a poem, but the content is simply heartfelt. For me what makes a poem is the emotion behind it. The feel of this piece is so realistic, perhaps the emotion was the drive to make this a very good journal of sort.

Great job!