I

im writing a story lol and i want you guys to help e with it!

Every one has a story, but me. Well so everyone thinks. They all see what they want. They choose to see the quiet rebellious, angry girl with the nice suburban house and family. But what they don't, is what i see.

I see a girl who is screaming at the top of her lungs in your face and you don't hear or see her. I see a girl, who isn't at all rebellious but is forced to have these bruises and cuts and scars and burns and wear dark makeup and heavy black clothes to hide the bruises and cuts and scars and burns made by him. They dont know what silence is, true silence, not the sitting in the woods alone silence, but the not even a bug buzzing or wind blowing or electricity humming SILENCE! Is all i hear, is all i hear because of him. They don't see the things that happen behind the walls of that suburban home. They don't.

Author's Note

please leave a review of wat you think should happen next, i will read through and decide which to use, if you need help, try telling me who "him" should be.

Reviews

[Argonaut1]

This is a really interesting start. It has the potential to become truly sinister. Think of "him" as a character that would have a true hold on the main protagonist (or would it be antagonist? Hmmm.) A supernatural element such as demon possession or haunting would make things interesting (If you do go that route, make it an internal conflict that the reader can visualize. For example, the main character meets a physical embodiment of the demon in her mind and the demon attempts to initiate a romance. They both meet in utter silence. The demon says nothing, but he reaches out his hand. She hesitates, but is eventually compelled to take it, and they dance. There is no music, except the music playing in her head. Something like that for a first meeting. But the relationship quickly takes a turn for the worse and abusive as the main character rejects the demon or leads him on. The pain, the bruises, the scars become all to real when she awakes in the real world. This eventually draws in her family and friends who struggle to save her. But really, it's all up to the main character to take on, break up with, or defeat the demon. Whew! Okay.)

This same type of idea can be applied to a story that does not involve a supernatural element. Just as some of the other reviewers have suggested, a possessive boyfriend, an abusive father, etc. Just make sure that if you do go in either of these directions, make sure to really expound on the possessive angle. That should be your hook. If the main character is hurting herself and driven to the brink because of "him," this guy must have a huge hold on her; a possessive quality.

Or you could really go nuts and make "him" a former "her." The "him" was once a girl in school, about the same age as the main character. She falls in love with the main character after they hang out one night, but the main character rebuffs her affections. Scorned and humiliated in front of her other classmates, the girl disappears completely. Some wonder if she moved or committed suicide. A few years pass. It's junior or senior year and a mysterious, yet intriguing boy asks the main character out on a date. The two quickly become romantically involved, but he quickly starts making the main character's life a living hell, controls her, possesses her, until finally he finally reveals the crushing truth about himself--he was the scorned lover.

I hope all of these ideas help you in some way. This first little piece you have is really great. I'm immediately drawn in to this character's pain and turmoil. Now all you have to do is fill in the blanks.

[Mikayla Rasmussen]

you actually gave me a lot of really awesome ideas, the sad thing is i have no recollection of ever trying to write this story :(

[Lili Frank Robinson]

Good start... My mind immediately went to "him" being the stepfather... Use your imagination!! ;)

[Trevor]

It really depends on what you wanna go for in the story. If you wanted it to be scary I'd go with some ghost or demon that she's attached to, or a second personality. Great start, I'd love to read more!

[POETIC SOUL 2013]

The him should be all the poeple that hurt you. This is an interesting write.

[The Dudeman (Kenneth T)]

"Him" could be so many things. Consider Him being a boyfriend, a father, a brother, an abusive stranger, a multiple personality of hers, a god she worships,or a supernatural ghost or demon. If you can come up with anything better and/or more unusual, please do. It is that kind of story that fascinates me.

[.Lost Soul.]

Maybe the 'him' should be an angry ex boyfriend.